The Corny Crying Bitch

It is an unwavering fact of life; Things change.  Tastes. Moods. Views. Life. I can't even begin to imagine all the things that have happened in my life that shaped me into the unique creature I am today.  I can state unequivocally that those tools of change were not always happy, good or positive things.  Right this moment, my life is mostly on track but my mind is getting muddled again.  I get overwhelmed with my thoughts, plans and hopes for myself and those I love.  I was so out of it last night, that I walked straight into our glass dining table, fell on it and broke it into a million pieces (See pics below). Thankfully, none of the pieces ended up in my skin.  That table had been in the same place for years and somehow I unintentionally demolish it out of the blue? WTH?  Sometimes it feels like there are too many things to think about, do and figure out. I actually get headaches when I try to neatly organize and label all the things swirling haphazardly through my head.  It's overwhelming. It's terrifying. It's life. Hey, it's also an opportunity to get that gorgeous new dining room set I've been wanting for the new house.

I don't even have a direction for this entry, I'm just sitting here typing what I'm thinking as I think of it.  So if this ends up as total shit, erase this entry from your mind and wait for an entry where I'm more creatively focused. I'd been wanting to write for a while now but I was too busy with "life stuff" to get the chance.  Plus, so much has happened since I last wrote that I thought if I tried to write it all, I'd have an entry with the word equivalent to the pages of War & Peace. Who wants to read a long, boring entry about everything but nothing in particular?  I wouldn't do that to you. Instead, I'll give you a relatively short, boring entry about everything but nothing in particular. Writing gets me focused, even on a day like today when I have nothing particularly earth-shattering to share.  I just felt so mentally exhausted that I figured I'd better do something to get my mind right, so here I sit and here I type. Hell, I might not even publish this but it's the perfect medicine for me when I don't know what else to do with myself.  (Nothing to see here folks. Keep it moving.)

Ironically, it was a flashback of something I'd seen and written about before that inspired me to express myself today.  The entry [She Dances With *Wolf*] was the catalyst for my bold move into blog nothingness. In the midst of my worries, fears and errands, I saw a lone "wolf" again on my way to work this morning. Still rather dark outside, there she was, right in the middle of the grassy street median. She was meant for me, to remind me that even when I feel alone, I never really am.  Those I love and who love me are always there, in life or spirit. That might not mean much to you but I'm sitting here typing and balling my eyes out like a little bitch. Oh jeez, that's so stereotypically female. Everyone knows I'm only a blubbering mess when I feel weak or I'm PMSing. Aunt Flow can turn any superhero into a superbitch. "It's a bird!  It's a plane!  It's, it's SuperBitch!" Hey, I have to blame it on something.

Okay I know this entry was probably as interesting as watching a staring contest between two mannequins but here's the thing: The power of positive thinking, acting, being will ensure that everything will be fine, eventually. As blurry as my current state of being is, I will get through it, I always do. Even better, Positive Power can work for ANYone willing to work at it. Trust me, I'm right on that. BUT, if you're crabby, depressed and a generally pessimistic azzhole, have the common decency to alienate yourself from the generally population.  I have to CONSTANTLY remind myself that when I'm depressed, crabby, angry, you-name-it, I don't have the right to visit that unpleasantness on anyone else.  If I'm feeling/being negative, I either suck it up, grin and bear it OR I barricade myself in my room or office until I can be at better place. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself out loud, in your head, on paper or by way of blog; 'I'm going to be okay if I stay positive, accept change and love freely and without conditions.'  It sounds insignificant but when you really wrap your mind around how many things that could apply to, it's really rather astonishing. You'll be fine, if you want to be. I just thought you needed to know that. You know who you are too.  Yeah, I mean YOU, the one reading this!  

Now, if I could just apply some of that "positive energy" toward bad drivers, strangers that stand too close to me and those two bitches at Big Lots™ (715 W Lamar Blvd, Arlington, TX), I'll be golden.  Chat with you later.  I'm off to make sure I'm well stocked on sanitary pads, pain pills and delicious sugar-free ice cream.

~

Dining Room Table by ChaunyBaby:

Redesigning a table near you!

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