What can I say? Today has just been one of those days. I'm feeling abnormally aggressive right now and I'm not sure what to do about it. Everything is working my last nerve. Though I'm normally able to treat irritating situations with a bit more patience and grace, today I'm completely devoid of those attributes. I wanna karate chop the back of the knees of that old dude that jumped out in front of me on the road, in his Sanford & Son truck, only to resume his 20 MPH speed limit. I wanna throw my big screen monitor at people that send me ridiculously long e-mails, but only if it connects. Let the bleeding begin! I wanna shove my fist down the throat of that ever-jabbering friend that never 'gets to the point' (quickly). (Jabber, jabber, jabber...Huh? Wait, what? You're STILL talking?!) I find myself saying, texting and writing little barbs to instigate fights. And really, when my "love for humanity" filter is turned off, you don't want to get into a verbal or written sparring match with me because you won't win. Not only will you not win, but you're likely to leave the fight deeply hurt and questioning your importance in life. I can intelligently cuss you out 20 ways to Sunday before you even realize you've been insulted. Yep, I'm THAT good...or bad or whatever you want to call it.
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Okay, straight up, here's the deal on me today; I'm mad that I'm hungover (daily). I'm steamed that a surprising number of my family & friends still haven't congratulated me on my new home. (I'D be really happy for YOU, so you can go s...I'd better stop there.) I'm annoyed that my allergies make me look like I have a raging case of Pink Eye Herpes. (Yuck!) I'm peeved that my food took so long to come out at lunch (I made them pay by swiping a heaping handful of free Splenda™ packets though). I'm irritated that the guy with the big, juicy girl-booty is wearing his dress slacks so tight and high-up. (That just ain't right y'all.) I'm pissed that my outfit today has me looking like the ghetto version of Pee-Wee Herman with an eating disorder. (I'm hungover...remember?) Shit, I hate that I even have to walk anywhere, why can't my big azz just be carried everywhere I want to go? (Time to invest in a Hoveround™ I guess.) I'm sure I'll get over it...after I punch something or someone. I suppose its good that I realize my overly aggressive tendencies today are not okay or even normal. Moreover, I'm doing my best to stay away from the people I truly care about until I'm in a better place emotionally. Hell, now that I've actually expressed my deep desire to punch, pervert and pulverize, I actually feel a lot better. I wish I was one of those Gym Heads that can let off steam with a great workout but that just ain't me. Besides fighting, blogging is the only way I know how to blow off steam. Actually, when I think about it, my fingers are quite toned because of it. I'll just sit my toned-fingered, chunky butt in this comfortable azz chair and shove as many carb-free goodies as I can into my face. And yes, I'm mad about that too but I'm also full. Trust me, I'm MUCH meaner when I'm hungry. So I guess things are already looking up and I didn't even have to punch anybody...yet.
Okay, straight up, here's the deal on me today; I'm mad that I'm hungover (daily). I'm steamed that a surprising number of my family & friends still haven't congratulated me on my new home. (I'D be really happy for YOU, so you can go s...I'd better stop there.) I'm annoyed that my allergies make me look like I have a raging case of Pink Eye Herpes. (Yuck!) I'm peeved that my food took so long to come out at lunch (I made them pay by swiping a heaping handful of free Splenda™ packets though). I'm irritated that the guy with the big, juicy girl-booty is wearing his dress slacks so tight and high-up. (That just ain't right y'all.) I'm pissed that my outfit today has me looking like the ghetto version of Pee-Wee Herman with an eating disorder. (I'm hungover...remember?) Shit, I hate that I even have to walk anywhere, why can't my big azz just be carried everywhere I want to go? (Time to invest in a Hoveround™ I guess.) I'm sure I'll get over it...after I punch something or someone. I suppose its good that I realize my overly aggressive tendencies today are not okay or even normal. Moreover, I'm doing my best to stay away from the people I truly care about until I'm in a better place emotionally. Hell, now that I've actually expressed my deep desire to punch, pervert and pulverize, I actually feel a lot better. I wish I was one of those Gym Heads that can let off steam with a great workout but that just ain't me. Besides fighting, blogging is the only way I know how to blow off steam. Actually, when I think about it, my fingers are quite toned because of it. I'll just sit my toned-fingered, chunky butt in this comfortable azz chair and shove as many carb-free goodies as I can into my face. And yes, I'm mad about that too but I'm also full. Trust me, I'm MUCH meaner when I'm hungry. So I guess things are already looking up and I didn't even have to punch anybody...yet.
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