I hope this doesn't read like I'm phoning it in because almost everything I attempt nowadays comes out looking that way. 😑 Sorry about that. You have my word that I'll do my best. ✔ I want to confess to you that I canceled Christmas this year. ❌ Aside from having a few extra paid days off of work, the day came and went with no real acknowledgement from me. 
I didn't even want to watch my favorite Christmas movie of all time; A Christmas Story. My phone ringer has been off for over a month and it’s STILL off. 🚫 Truth is, the last few years have had a profound effect on how I view Christmas. My Yule-tide disgust level reached an all-time high last year as I listened to one of my friends repeatedly complain that his Christmas was “kinda lousy” because he didn't get any of the things he wanted. 
Was he serious? 🤔 How is a grown man, with children, gonna complain that no one gave him what he wanted? Every time I heard that pitiful Merry-Go-Whine, I wanted to scream; "If you want it, go get it yourself Dumb-Azz!" 
'Pity party, calling pity party...party of one please.' ☝🏾
I know that He is [supposed to be] the reason for the season, but you have to admit that for most folks, that day has become uncomfortably commercial. Things and more things are what it's all about now. To be frank, even if someone were to ask what I wanted for Christmas, I would have no idea. 💭 If I want it, I get it or I wait until I can afford it. 🤑 I have all of the tangible things I could ever want or need, it's the intangible things that continue to elude me. 🙁 And as I struggle to get my mental, emotional and physical health back on track, I hardly needed a laundry list of pricey things to buy for other people that I can't afford.
Nope, I didn't need the added aggravation. In all fairness, this Ho-Hum Holiday Season was destined to be challenging for me, preordained almost. 
I had a strange allergic reaction to some unknown allergen the last day of work before the Christmas break. At 7:30AM, it was only a small swollen spot on my upper lip that I could feel but my co-worker couldn't see. By 12:30PM, my top lip quadrupled in size. 
Though I’m prone to exaggeration on occasion, with this claim, I do not exaggerate. I wouldn't have minded so much because I can really appreciate luscious lips👄 but in my case, the swelling was kinda cocked to one side, so my lip deformation was less like a juicy set of coffee-coolers and more like the African-American version of Quasimodo. 
My co-worker's initial morning reply went from, "I don't really see anything." to her afternoon reply of "Oh, girl!" as she slapped each one of her hands over both her cheeks. 
Of course that had to be the day that every co-worker I hadn't seen or talked to in months wanted to have a nice long chat with me. 🤐 I was so tired of holding my hand in front of my face every time I had to leave my desk, I just ended up leaving 2 hours early that day. 😔
I didn't even want to watch my favorite Christmas movie of all time; A Christmas Story. My phone ringer has been off for over a month and it’s STILL off. 🚫 Truth is, the last few years have had a profound effect on how I view Christmas. My Yule-tide disgust level reached an all-time high last year as I listened to one of my friends repeatedly complain that his Christmas was “kinda lousy” because he didn't get any of the things he wanted. Was he serious? 🤔 How is a grown man, with children, gonna complain that no one gave him what he wanted? Every time I heard that pitiful Merry-Go-Whine, I wanted to scream; "If you want it, go get it yourself Dumb-Azz!" 'Pity party, calling pity party...party of one please.' ☝🏾 I know that He is [supposed to be] the reason for the season, but you have to admit that for most folks, that day has become uncomfortably commercial. Things and more things are what it's all about now. To be frank, even if someone were to ask what I wanted for Christmas, I would have no idea. 💭 If I want it, I get it or I wait until I can afford it. 🤑 I have all of the tangible things I could ever want or need, it's the intangible things that continue to elude me. 🙁 And as I struggle to get my mental, emotional and physical health back on track, I hardly needed a laundry list of pricey things to buy for other people that I can't afford.
Nope, I didn't need the added aggravation. In all fairness, this Ho-Hum Holiday Season was destined to be challenging for me, preordained almost. I had a strange allergic reaction to some unknown allergen the last day of work before the Christmas break. At 7:30AM, it was only a small swollen spot on my upper lip that I could feel but my co-worker couldn't see. By 12:30PM, my top lip quadrupled in size. Though I’m prone to exaggeration on occasion, with this claim, I do not exaggerate. I wouldn't have minded so much because I can really appreciate luscious lips👄 but in my case, the swelling was kinda cocked to one side, so my lip deformation was less like a juicy set of coffee-coolers and more like the African-American version of Quasimodo. My co-worker's initial morning reply went from, "I don't really see anything." to her afternoon reply of "Oh, girl!" as she slapped each one of her hands over both her cheeks. Of course that had to be the day that every co-worker I hadn't seen or talked to in months wanted to have a nice long chat with me. 🤐 I was so tired of holding my hand in front of my face every time I had to leave my desk, I just ended up leaving 2 hours early that day. 😔I want to wrap this up with an ending more positive than the beginning. ☹ I guess I’m trying to say that material things are superficially unimportant clutter. 🥺 I'm not gonna self-righteously sit here and claim that my childhood Christmases weren’t huge and wonderful, filled with bikes, Barbies™ and baby dolls. 👶🏽 I just don't remember ever whining and complaining about what I didn't get, even as a child. 😦 However, I accept that it may be that my parents were just really good at picking out our gifts, just maybe.
I guess a better ending to this would be that a good life isn’t defined by periodic acquisitions of big things but rather, an appreciation of the multitude of “little” things, like waking up every morning, freedom of choice & expression, the blessing of loving & being loved and everything in-between. 
Sorry folks...that's all I got.
No comments:
Post a Comment