Originally posted on February 10, 2009 - Wednesday
Current mood: triumphant
Category: Parties and Nightlife
Saturday night
was positively exuberant on so many different levels. I’m sure I’ve mentioned
before that our favorite nightspot is attached to a hotel. Instead of using the
designated club restrooms, we go to the restrooms in another part of the hotel.
That night, there was a party going on in one of the banquet rooms (next to our
preferred restroom). Man oh man, there was some serious chocolate cutie patootie
eye candy at that banquet party too. After sis came
back to tell me of them (while I waited at our table), I went back out there
with her to exercise my flirt muscles with full force. I hadn’t had an
opportunity to fully flirt before that cause it was more of a ‘girl’s night
out’ which suited me just fine. We talked to some of the guys for a while,
then I got kinda bored. As you know,
cute doesn’t always equal interesting and I’ll take interesting over
cute any day of the week. So, we went ahead to the restroom (which I
really needed to do anyway) and went back into the club. When we got back, our
girl Pam’s eyes were as wide as saucers and she had all of our purses on each
arm. I could tell,
she was seriously concerned about something. I ask her what’s wrong and she
points to a guy standing at the bar with his back to us and to the huge bulge in
the back of his shirt (waist level). It was a clear outline of a gun and
holster. This place
doesn’t have metal detectors or anything, so anyone could really walk in with a
gun and no one would be the wiser until it was too late. The guy was
handsome but he also appeared to be peering through the crowd nervously, which
made us even more nervous. We’re thinking he’s there to shoot an
estranged wife or girlfriend and anyone else that happened to be in the line of
fire. We’re getting
ready to get the hell outta Dodge! I told my girls that I was pretty sure I
could pass by him and touch the bulge to see if was hard or soft (that sounds
positively pornographic-I know). Sis screams, “You’d better stay put! I’m going to get security and the
manager.” and she does just that. I’m sitting there with my girl Pam,
trying to convince her that I knew I could squeeze the back of his shirt without
him even knowing. We discuss that even though the outline was the perfect shape
for a holstered gun, it could possibly be a hat. We ping-pong back and
forth, is it a hat or is it a gun? Visually, an excellent argument could
be made either way. For everyone’s
safety, we need to know and I know in my heart I could find out. I
feel that if he catches me squeezing his bulge (don’t laugh), he wouldn’t have
enough time to get the gun out and shoot us all before most of us could safely
get out of the line of fire. I want to be the fearless heroine! I repeat to her,
“I know I can do this Pam. I’m
going to do it Pam.” She asks me not to but I’m feeling
powerful, capable and ready to fulfill my mission. I never let on
but as I look at him, I’m visualizing he and I struggling to gain control of the
gun. I don’t see myself as the victor of the power struggle but I’m sure I can
save many lives with my brave sacrifice. About that time,
I can see sis coming with the manager and a few others, so I seize my
opportunity. Pam looks absolutely terrified as I stand up and walk towards him,
her arms still loaded with all of our belongings. I’m thinking, if he catches
me, I could also switch gears from secret agent to flirt machine
to play it off. A little schmoozing is as easy as pie for me. I’m certain I can
smoothly transition from ‘Warrior Princess’ to ‘Believable
Bullshiter’ with the greatest of ease. Going
that route might be safer than a physical struggle but I’m prepared
either way. I’m scared but I’m also determined. Sis and the
manager are dangerously close now. I take a huge gulp and walk towards the
guy (still trying to order from the bar). I brush by him lightly,
grabbing a huge chunk of the back of his shirt but he never turns around. Alas,
our suspicions are confirmed….it was a damned hat! Sis and the manager are just
one step away from me and the unsuspecting bar patron. I put both my hands up to
stop them and quickly tell them, “It’s a hat.
It’s a hat.” A sense of calm washes over our group. For me, it was
calm and triumph. I’d fulfilled the dangerous
mission set before me, which turned out to be not so dangerous after all (a
minor and insignificant detail to me). I felt so good about how slyly I’d
managed to violate his person, I did it a couple of more times using the excuse
that I was just ‘confirming’ it was a hat. For the rest of
the night, we cried laughing every time we saw him. He’d be macking
and doing his thing, oblivious to how dangerously close he was to being in a
demeaning choke-hold for doing nothing more than committing the fashion
faux pas of carrying his hat in his waste band. We’re regulars at that
spot and I was reasonably sure I hadn’t seen him there before. Can you imagine
your first night at a club and four men grab you, throw you in a choke-hold and
confine you until the police handcuff you while you were innocently ordering a
drink? I don’t want to be insensitive but that thought was unbelievably
hilarious to us. We laughed so hard that we had tears streaming down our faces.
It was also a
very enlightening experience. Even though things could’ve ended up going
horribly wrong that night, I thought it was very wise for Pam to be that aware
of her surroundings. She wasn’t just out to save herself, she let her crew know
of the possibility of impending danger. She’s a true friend indeed. Like her, we
should all always be that ready for the unexpected. That night was
enlightening for me for other reasons too. In addition to my colorful and
creative possible career changes as a dominatrix or covert secret operative (or
both), I also learned that I would probably make a pretty decent pick-pocket
too. I think it’s
good to have expertise on both sides of the law, just in case. Man y’all, my
future’s so bright I have to wear shades!
Thanks Pam, you’ve broadened my horizons even more than I could have ever thought possible. Love, your BFF Chauny. ♥ ♥
Thanks Pam, you’ve broadened my horizons even more than I could have ever thought possible. Love, your BFF Chauny. ♥ ♥
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