Originally posted on December 16, 2009
My original topic of choice for today was going to be relationships. However, one of my horoscopes warned me that my words could easily be misconstrued and misinterpreted right now. ♋ So then I thought I should just leave that subject alone for now. After all, I'm still feeling rather out-of-sync with some of my closest, most significant personal relationships, so why risk it? 🤚🏾 With the colorful and vivid way God has blessed me to see things, I could always find something else more imaginative to write about. Then, an incident happened early today that irritated me so much that I found myself going right back to my self-imposed astrologically-ill advised taboo subject for today; relationships. 😬 At the risk of being 'misconstrued and misinterpreted', I want to say that I'm extremely tired of habitually selfish, self-centered folks that only ever have their own best interests at heart. ❤ I think I'm a very cool chick as chicks go but I'm seldom treated with the same respect I give to others. And even if someone felt like I wasn't all that "cool", even they couldn't deny that I'm chronically & consistently considerate to [most] others. 😒 Maybe that's why I find it so hard to believe that people that I sincerely care about, can be so blatantly inconsiderate to me sometimes. I'm not just talking about romantic relationships either, I'm talking about all relationships with people you should share a close personal bond. It could be that I'm just socially naive or too trusting or not cynical enough or all of the above plus more. 😕 It doesn't matter how much I try to heal myself through humor and understanding, I'm constantly reminded of just how self-centered people can be. Every time it happens, my confidence and faith in humankind is stunted a little. 🤏🏾 That's a crushing blow to somebody like me. 😔 I fight hard, within myself, to see the good in everybody but there are times when some folks make that seem impossible. I'm not always successful at being perpetually positive but when I feel myself slipping into the Negative Nelly Trap, I dig myself out without much help from anyone else. 👍🏾 Some times are easier to cope with than other times but it's always disappointing. 😞 In addition to being disappointing, there's also that small, permanent scar it leaves on your psyche every time it happens. Over time, those scars begin to add up and color everything you do in the future and it's not always positive (or healthy). 🤕 I wish I could make myself emotionally impotent sometimes. I wish I could just let people be the selfish azzholes they are and not give a damn...but I'm just not built that way. Deep down, I guess I REALLY wouldn't want to be that way either. 😐 In a way I suppose, it's a blessing and a curse; 1.) You can clearly see the ugly in people and avoid, or react, accordingly. 2.) You see the good in people, even when no one else can, and hopefully make a difference through 'leading by example'. 🤔 This Blessed Curse is sure taxing on my soul! I'm at the point right now that I'm not even sad about it, I'm just royally pissed. 😡 Good news is being pissed, is considerably better than being hungry. Bad news is that after being on this stinking diet for 2 days, I'm considerably pissed AND hungry! Frankly, the hunger is starting to take over. 😫 Boy, a bucket of shrimp fried rice sure would make me feel better. Unfortunately, shrimp fried rice is not until week 6 or so. I've been trying to use that colorful and vivid imagination God blessed me with to successfully imagine I'm eating Doritos as I crunch on my diet-approved unlimited lettuce allotment but it hasn't worked. 🤢🥬 Worry not, I'm not completely devoid of creative ideas. 💡 See, I also have a somewhat limited allotment of cheese. Cheddar is delicious "aged" cheese. My idea is to leave a few slices of cheddar cheese out until they get crunchy. I'm thinking that crunchy cheddar slices will taste a bit like Cheez Its. 🧀 Dang, I wished I would've tested my cheese cracker substitute idea before memorializing it here because that idea might be worth a million bucks! 💰 And folks, I'm only half kidding about that, maybe (considerably) less than half kidding. And so the 'healing through humor' begins. 💞
*Recovered full entry above
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My original topic of choice for today was going to be relationships. However, one of my horoscopes warned me that my words could easily be misconstrued and misinterpreted right now. So then I thought...
<Waiting on complete entry>
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