Originally posted on March 17, 2008
Put a little whipped
cream on top, I'll eat it. This past weekend, if we had it in the house, I ate
it. Eating and eating nonstop like the black, female version of the Energizer
bunny (she would have brown fur and afro puffs tied with cute little
bows). This weekend was full of plenty of moments of unbuttoning that top
button on my pants or moving that elastic waistband just a little lower. Perhaps
there's a perfectly reasonable, hormonal explanation for my insatiable appetite
(for food) in the last few days. Perhaps food is a substitute for the
intimacy I'm not experiencing lately. I never thought of myself as
an emotional eater but maybe things have changed since I've gotten older. If so,
that truly sucks for me. I want to go back to the depression from my younger
years. You know what I mean, curling up in the fetal position while frantically
sucking my thumb. Or continuously crying, throwing up and most importantly, not
being able (or interested) in eating. Yep, those were the good ole days!
You felt like crap but looked great. I mean, if you're going to feel like crap
anyway, why not shed a few pounds? (Hopefully, you know me well enough by now
to know I'm just kidding) Amazingly though, all my clothes still fit but I
can tell, they're showing real signs of revolting! Right now as I type, I'm
fighting with my cute new green cardigan as it struggles to stay open, when I
want it to stay closed. The top button of my work pants is threatening to pop
off and fly across the room, possibly permanently blinding some poor,
unsuspecting soul. Do you think that stopped me from finishing that
second industrial-size yogurt parfait I got from the cafeteria this morning?
Hell no! I'm no quitter! Quitting is for sissies and I'm no sissy! Since
exercising isn't (and never has been) my thang, I considered finding me a sweet,
fine, young tenderoni to "work out" with on those cold, lonely nights. But
knowing me, I'd probably lose interest in that enterprise pretty quickly and end
up right back where I am now anyway. That's not to say I haven't had my share of
"hollow", one sided, physical relationships, it's just not where I see myself in
this stage of the game. I think being in love could change a lot of
things for me now. It's been so long since I've been in love, it would be
difficult for me to even recognize it. I've loved in recent years but I
haven't been in love for many, many years now. That depressing thought
alone makes me want to pick up something right now and eat it
(preferably something edible but inedible objects aren't safe
either). However, my seldom-appreciated optimistic inner self
keeps telling me that things will happen in due course. I'm just tired of being
patient, you know? I want to know my romantic fate right this very moment! Will
I end up alone and bitter? Will I find my soulmate and live happily ever after?
Or will my future be somewhere in-between the two? I want to know right now! I
want to believe that very little of my ultimate happiness is dependent on
finding that perfect (for me) partner but I know that isn't true. I need
romantic love as much as the next person, I'm not too hard-headed to admit
that. As my life continues to improve in other, vital areas, true and
real romance continues to elude me. Frankly, I'm just not emotionally
equipped to go out looking for it either. Hopefully, true love will just find
me. I know, I know...it's just not my time yet. But I sure hope my
time comes soon, I have a wallet filled with dollar bills and three fast
food joints by my house that are open until 2:00AM. They all have pretty fly
Dollar Menus too. Damn!
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