Originally posted on August 1, 2008
Every morning it seems like the same
reincarnated gnat annoyingly greets me at work. I refer to him as
reincarnated because I’m sure I’ve killed him more than once. I
know it’s far more likely that there could be more than one gnat but I choose
not to believe that. I’ve had his smashed remains between my hands (after
slapping him to death), under my drink cup (after landing on my desk)
and countless other places. It’s never more the one, always that one irritating
flying nuisance that seems to follow only me around (I never hear
anybody else complaining of gnats). He’s been way too familiar with me by
flying up my nose, ears and other orifices that aren’t hidden under my clothes.
Every single morning I have the same fight with him as he flies around my
breakfast. I feel like Pig Pen from The Peanuts Gang as he tirelessly swirls
around my head. Why does he only bother me? No doubt, he’s a by-product of one
of my many co-workers that have plants in their offices. I don’t have
plants, for that precise reason. Anyway, after smashing him to a smear
with my work papers this morning, I continue to work. However, I can see from my
peripheral vision, that something’s crawling away from my chair, on the floor. I
look down and see a cockroach the size of a medium-size mouse (it was HUGE-I do
not exaggerate). 🪳 Now, I hate cockroaches as much as the next person. But like I
wrote in one of my recent blogs, I’m trying to conquer my fear of insects to prove
that they have no longer have power over me. Since I’m the last office on our
floor, I know I can just let him to continue to crawl away from my desk, but I also
know if he keeps going, he’s going straight to the desks of my (mostly) female
co-workers. I could just hear it, scream after scream as he makes his ugly debut
under their desks. Since I’m usually the one elected to kill bugs in their
offices anyway, I decide I’m gonna kill him now, quietly, without a lot of
fanfare. I take off one of my black loafers and put it only inches from the top
of his body and throw it down (hard). Well, somehow, even at that close range, I
missed him, so he makes a detour back into my office. Crap! I can’t work all day
with this colossal cockroach in my office! He hid under my desk drawer, behind
my chair and where I can’t get to him. So, he could decide to come out at any
time and crawl up my leg, just when I least expect it. Since I promised myself
that I would never again scream when confronted with an insect (or small
reptile), not screaming was going to be a challenge if he surprised me in
the middle of the day-when I least expected it. No way man! I
can do this! I slowly, methodically and calmly remove
things from under my desk that he could easily hide under, hoping to find him
but nothing. I take my trusty flashlight key-ring out and give the underside of
my desk a good looking-through, still nothing. I start to quietly kick the part
of my desk I last saw him but alas, nothing. That’s okay. It’ll be a challenge
but I’ll get back in my seat and work as though he wasn’t there. Maybe
he’ll stay on his side of my office and I’ll stay on mine. Perfect. So, I sit
down and start to work again. I’m scared but I’m not going to succumb to
my fear. After all, I have a good 100-Something pounds on him, so I
should be the victor in a head-to-head Smack-Down. I’m typing for several more
minutes when I see him again in my peripheral, heading in the same direction he
was when I first saw him. Now’s my chance. I won’t miss this time. I kept my
loafer on this time and leapt on him with my right foot as hard as I could. I
slid my right foot across the floor for about six inches, being sure to
pulverize him, like I do every morning to the reincarnated devil gnat. A
disgusting six inch smear of white cockroach juice on the floor. He’s road kill,
and I killed him! After my triumphant victory, I go to the desk of one of my
co-workers and simply state to her, “I’m ALL powerful!” and tell her the
story of my victory. She thanks me and tells me she wouldn’t/couldn’t ever do
that herself. I tell her that I’m so proud of myself, that I think I’ll blog
about it. So, here I write. I know to most people, this doesn’t seem like a big
deal but to me it is. Namely, because I seem to be able to regenerate or
‘reincarnate’ myself into the person I want to be…fearless and strong.
Not at all an easy task to just do, especially if you had the kind of
medically-treatable phobia of cockroaches I used to have. I just thought
about my weight advantage and concluded that I shouldn’t be afraid of such
things. Makes sense right? In the movie The Matrix, do you remember the
part when Morpheus tried to get Neo to jump from one building to another? (If
you haven’t seen it, this next part won’t mean much to you) I told my sister
just yesterday that I know I would be able to make it on the first
jump because if I decide in my head that I can do it, then will do it. If I
could only apply that same powerful and fearless intestinal fortitude to my
personal/emotional life, I would be an unstoppable force. I am human though, and
every mortal has their weaknesses (I still have quite a few). But being Lord…I
mean, Queen of The Cockroaches aint’ too shabby though.
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