Originally posted on December 27, 2007
Category : Romance and Relationships
My Huge, Ugly, Nightmarish Tattoo
I had a dream last night, that I got a huge, masculine, really ugly tattoo on my left arm. I don't remember under what conditions I decided to get this monstrosity, I just remember having it and regretting it big time. 🥺 As the dream goes on, I'm in the department store looking for a beautiful new formal dress. Then, I begin to realize what I'm going to look like in the dress with this huge, ugly thing on my arm. I'm standing there in the store on the verge of tears. 😟 I'm standing there realizing that I've done this stupid thing without considering the future. I realize, right there in the store, that I'm stuck like chuck and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. It isn't until I wake up, get ready for work and make it to my desk this morning, that I realize it wasn't a tattoo I was dreaming about, it was a baby/motherhood. 👶🏾 The tattoo was my modern interpretation or symbol for motherhood. You know, that thing I want sometimes but not all the time? After I successfully decode my dream, that panicky feeling starts to take over my faculties and I start to sweat. 😓 I'm realizing that I should make a decision about this soon, otherwise, I may miss my opportunity. This feeling, no doubt, comes from the realization that there is another significant Baby Boom going on around me-even with the most UNLIKELY of people-and that I'm no closer to motherhood now, than I was 5 years ago. I'm thinking to myself…is this another sign? Is this "the cosmos" trying, once again, to light the proverbial fire under my butt with regard to motherhood? 🔥 I don't know and not knowing terrifies me. I'm so painfully ambivalent about it that I'm spiraling into another self-inflicted bout of depression. As you may remember, I've already removed Marriage from my To Do list. 🧾 Early in womanhood, I was positive that children would only come after marriage. Obviously, I no longer feel that way. Now, I just want to make sure I make my genetic contribution to carrying on my family bloodline. Isn't that a noble, if not a little self-centered, purpose? Why else would someone want to procreate? (That was a joke, I know there are many intangible joys of parenthood.) But seriously, carrying on your bloodline, in my opinion, is one of the most basic of animal instincts. So why am I still so confused? Help! I need some guidance. Praying is always good but I need prayer and some good, old fashioned human interference. I've already told my parents that children, not marriage, is a priority. So, there wouldn't be any of that uppity, family "judgmentalness" upsetting my progress. 🛑 No, all the indecision and hesitation lies squarely with me, comfortably tucked under my bed covers with no visible signs of leaving. Compounding the confusion is my ex (from 7 years ago) continuing to show up at my favorite nightspot. I'm afraid that in my present panicked state, and with no other viable baby daddy candidates, I'll end up getting that "ugly tattoo" I can't get rid of. In my conscious and logical state, the thought of it is absolutely sickening but I'm so frazzled right now, I'm liable to make that horribly irreversible mistake (with him). In my deepening pit of depression, I suppose anything is possible. Also, I think he senses something in me, that I was unaware I was giving off. Though I've pretty much ignored him when I see him there, I'm getting the sense that he's flying over me like a hawk going in for the kill on it's much weaker, unsuspecting prey. Or, like a buzzard circling my head waiting for that pitiful, dying creature to take its final breath. I guess I'll have to wait a little longer for a definitive direction to take. Truthfully, I only worry about this stuff in small doses. 🤏🏾 The majority of the time, I rely on the fact that I really live a very charmed life, and that things will happen precisely when they're meant to. But how much fun would that be to write…or read? 🤭
Posted : 2007-12-27 02:52:00 PM Created : 2007-12-27 03:03:00 PM Visible to : Public
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Originally posted on December 27, 2007
I had a dream last night, that I got a huge, masculine, really ugly tattoo on my left arm. I don't remember under what conditions I decided to get this monstrosity, I just remember having it and regre...
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