Originally posted on January 22, 2008
My Mellow Madness
Romantically, this mellow mood of mine is showing no signs of dissipating. After confronting (or avoiding) some pretty big issues from my romantic past, I've adopted a mellow mood with almost everything (and everyone) regarding romantic relationships. I was even mellow when an interesting new male acquaintance of mine, "went left" on me recently. Sure, after the confrontation, I nursed a few hurt feelings but bravely carried on. I assure you-I did nothing to provoke his verbal attack. I guess he's suffering from his own internal demons. 👿 That has nothing to do with me though. Frankly, I just hate drama, especially that kind. So many things, everyday things, are so hard…why should relationships be hard too? No thanks. 🚫 I listened to him as he ultimately calmed down and apologized for his outburst. But I couldn't shake the feeling that it would happen again the next time he was in a bad mood…scary. I didn't tell him of all the crappy things I'd gone through in my past relationships but I let him know that there are very few things that rattle me now (with regard to men). Seriously, I'm done screaming and yelling and fighting. Yes, fighting…the physical kind. 🥊 The peculiar thing is, there is no one person or event that "mellowed" me. Not even when, during an argument, an old ex of mine lifted me about 12 inches off the ground…by my neck (I did provoke that attack). 😦 Nope, not even the craziness of that scary night led me to my present state. Regrettably, I can't seem to get that passionate fire back for anyone. I don't know if I even want it back. 😑 Passion should be reserved for humanitarian causes and lovemaking, not fighting. I wish I knew that then. I joke with people that I'm like a fine wine getting better with age. I really believe that too. But if I don't find a way to get some fire and desire back in my life, I feel like I will have missed a vital part of womanhood. 😔 Besides, even fine wines get stale. Sorry y'all, maybe the next blog entry will be more interesting. Maybe next time, I'll have the courage to write about my drunken stupor a couple of weeks ago (after a long night of partying thanks to my boy Craig-shout out!) I don't remember everything unfortunately. I faintly remember trying to climb a tree in my heels and going outside in my underwear to get some air (I hope I'm not on YouTube), my girl Pam had to fill in the rest. On second thought, I should probably just keep all that stuff to myself. 🤐
Posted : 2008-01-22 03:26:00 PM Created : 2008-01-22 03:39:00 PM Visible to : Public
Originally posted on January 22, 2008
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