Originally posted on February 18, 2009 - Saturday
Current mood: fabulous
Category: Parties and Nightlife
The
mating ritual can be a pure work of art, sometimes so subtle that you miss all
the natural beauty it offers. I didn’t have any special plans for Valentine
Saturday but it was another entertaining experience for the history books. Though
I’m currently boyfriend/lover-less, this past Valentines Day rivaled those that
I had when I did have a beloved that showered me with gifts and attention on
Valentines’ past. Pam
had our regular table beautifully festive with chocolate candy hearts and
Valentiney mood candles. She even got sis & I each a heart-shaped box of
sugar-free Russell Stover chocolates, who make the best sugar-free chocolate in
the entire world by the way. As usual, our table was the most popular one in the
place, but that had more to do with our table’s occupants than the actual
chocolates themselves (but they were a classy touch). We all wore
red to
celebrate and commemorate the auspicious occasion. I can
say without a doubt that it was one of the better Valentine Days I remember.
Boyfriends, lovers, even husbands, can come and go but your close family and
friends are usually there for the long haul. As I reflect on past Valentine
Days, I enjoyed getting Valentines stuff from my mother most of all. The best
ones were when we were teenagers. Momma would come home from work with a big
beautiful heart-shaped box of candy for each of us (sis & I), plus some
other cool thing like a poster of Culture Club, The Police or
Michael Jackson. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had wonderful Valentine Days
with boyfriends but nothing that remotely compared to V-Days with Momma. Saturday
reminded me that Valentines Day isn’t just for romantic love but for deep and
lasting love in all it’s forms. I have a great capacity to love
(in all forms), but I don’t think I have a deeper or more lasting love for
anyone more than I do for my beloved family and friends. It was great to
reaffirm that. Now, just because ♥Girl
Power♥ ruled
Saturday night, doesn’t mean there weren’t any notable interactions with the
opposite sex. Earlier that night, I’d received multiple texts from my ex. Yes, the same one I
asked to delete my number (in the previous blog entry). He asked me what I was
doing, where I was going and gave me a head’s up on where he’d be that night
(which wasn’t where I was). I brushed off the specifics of exactly where
I was but it’s no secret as to where my favorite Saturday night spot is.
However, I just told him I was ‘out’ and I also told him to have fun at his
spot. After about the 4th or so text from him, I see his friends come
into my place. I knew then that it was very likely that he’d show up soon after,
which he did. Our
interactions were brief initially but got more ‘involved’ as the night wore on
but they were still playful and light. Frankly, I felt less pressure around him
because I knew I had his “special friend” to default to if he got too serious
with me that night. The
subtle beauty of the mating dance/ritual I wrote of earlier becomes a factor
when a guy, that I’d had only a few friendly interactions with, spent most of
the night at our table entertaining us. I
pretty evenly split time and attention between the two (guys) but you could see
the ever-so-slight macho pissing match developing between them. Nothing
too obvious or overt, but I could tell each one was wondering about the
intentions of the other. To me, they were clearly sizing each other up. It was
quite an entertaining display. They shared a few slight glances at one another,
nothing the untrained eye could detect but I did. Their attempts to
not look at each other were even more telling than when
their eyes met. One
incorporated himself at our table and the other tried his best to keep me in his
custody about 30 feet away from my table. He even got a bar stool for me to sit
on while I talked to him, as he stood up. The ex, who’s had substantial problems
with jealousy in our past relationship, was bursting at the seams. Finally,
he couldn’t take it any longer, so he just came out and asked me about the guy.
It isn’t any of his business but I told him that the guy was nice, funny and
that I’d just started to get to know him. I also told him that from what I knew
of the guy, I liked him. All my peeps do too, which is 100% true. He shrugged it
off as nothing but I could tell he was bothered. He
knew it best not delve any deeper though. After his
dramatic “special friend” display the other week, he had no grounds to act
remotely upset. We’ll never be together again romantically but it was hard not
to get swept up in the purely raw fun of my Valentine Saturday
night. The
next day, the ex texted me a couple of times, telling me he enjoyed spending
time with me the night before and he gave me more contact information for him.
The night after that, he sent a “Good Night” text that I didn’t notice until the
next morning. The afternoon after that, he sends another text asking whether I
got his previous texts. (See? That possessive behavior is already rearing
it’s ugly head.) I confirmed that I had gotten them and thanked him
accordingly. He flatly asks me, “Don’t
you want to know how my day is going?” I
replied that I hadn’t really thought about it but since he mentioned it, I hoped
it was going really good. As if
taken from a bad movie script with too many sequels, he abruptly goes into
relationship talk. He repeats with astounding redundancy that the girl (from the
previous blog) isn’t a serious contender for his affections but I’m still
certain she doesn’t know that. I
urged him to just leave it be and that it should be a good thing that I’m
not upset about anything. He reluctantly agreed. I didn’t even bring up the fact
that he’d promised to delete my number and that we shouldn’t have even been
communicating in the first place. I reassured him that I’d continue to speak to
him whenever I see him out but that I don’t want to go in a romantic direction
with him. Honestly,
it was his idea to break-up in the first place (about 3 years ago now). I
didn’t want to break-up initially but once we did, I could see the situation
objectively and I knew he wasn’t right for me. There
was no going back after that. I’m not even trying to ‘punish’ him anymore, we’re
just better apart. We were very volatile together and not the passionate sexy
volatile that leads to hours of sweaty make-up lovin’ either. The
volatile I mean was on the cusp of violent, though
it never got to that point thankfully. I must admit that he does seem
different now but I know I am. For that reason alone, he and I are
a wrap. All
week through this very morning, he’s been imposing his intentions on me. Unlike
before though, I’m more amused than annoyed with his latest batch of
declarations…and I don’t mean that in a mean way either. It’s rather comical
when you think about it all; The ex is crushing on me, the ‘Sunday’ chick is
crushing on the ex, the new guy is crushing on everyone at our table Saturday
night and I’m crushing on my solitude and sanity. Man,
crushes are spinning out-of-control everywhere except for the direction the
“crusher” wants!
Despite all that, now is a beautiful time for me. I can see beauty in all
directions, from any vantage point. In fact, there’s beauty in almost
everything, if you look hard enough. The silly subtle movements of the macho
mating ritual, beautiful. The love and adoration of/for treasured friends and
family, always beautiful. Knowing yourself, even when you’re a mystery to
everyone else around you, surprisingly beautiful. Even the inconvenient
reappearance of past loves and losses, uncommonly beautiful. I’m
gaining momentum in all the areas of my life that are important to me now.
Romance can wait. Ironically, it was this past Valentines Day that poignantly
reminded me of that. My life is fascinating, full of love and countless other
wonderful blessings. But there’s always room for one more. Not just anyone
though, the right one. I’m a confident and patient woman. I know that who (and
what) is right for me, will find their way to me in due course. In
the meantime, there’s a lot of fun to be had and I don’t plan to miss one single
solitary minute of it. It would be almost blasphemous if I did. I’m a lot of
wacky things but a blasphemer is not one of them.
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