Category : Romance and Relationships
To My Butthole Exes: Kiss My Big Brown Butt!
I'm going through another “literarily” impotent phase. 🖥️ I think the problem is that so much has happened since my last entry, I'm a little too overwhelmed with events to write them in a cohesive and entertaining way. I'd planned to tell you of all the crazy things that happened in the ER. 🩺🏥 I'd planned to give you a vivid, blow-by-blow account of one event in particular, that involved a long azz tube that was forcefully crammed through one of my nostrils and shoved all the way into my stomach (without anesthesia). The event involved lots of blood, crying and shaking. The only other event that I would imagine would be more terrifying, is a shark attack or maybe slowing burning alive. At any rate, whenever I got ready to start writing about the details, I got "the shakes" again. Anyway, after a blood transfusion and a few days in the hospital, I was released. Fast forward. ⏩The weekend after being released from the hospital, I decided to go out and listen to some music. I wore a halo, in respect to my guardian angels (my eldest brother and grandparents) that I believed helped pull me through that experience. I'm sitting there, listening to music and then walks in probably the most influential part of my romantic past. I hadn't seen him in well over 7 years. He was one of those past partners in which I expelled many tears and vomit over. He was also one of the greatest loves of my life. I always wondered how I would feel if I ever saw him again. I always wondered if he could "sweet talk" me into going back with him. As soon as he walked in the direction of my table, it appeared that he and I saw each other at the same time. Sis saw him around that time too and quietly said, "Do you see who's standing there?" But he and I were already locked in a stunned stare. Though I loved him a great deal then, I was sure I never wanted to be entangled in that much morbidly passionate relationship drama again. Actually, he's the biggest reason why my home phone number is unlisted to this day. After a few seconds of shock, he walked over to our table and says, "Hello! How are you doing?" I could only reply with all the usual, polite jibber-jabber. After spending most of the night catching up on all the "family stuff" with him, it was clear that if I'd been "game", he would want to try again. For me though, it was really over. As the night wore on, even the sound of his voice began to grind at my nerves, much the way fingernails scratching a chalkboard would. I just wanted him to leave my table and life forever. I was absolutely grossed out. I couldn't believe I'd ever been that in love with him! I wish I could put a clever and witty literary spin on that experience but the bottom line is, I was just sickened by his existence. I wasn't angry with him, I'd just moved on. And the mere thought of him reminded me of all the bad things that happened between us, not the good things. I would definitely characterize myself as a creative and romantic woman but I couldn't possibly "romanticize" him anymore. After a while, I think he could feel I wasn't feeling him, so he'd leave our table for a while but sadly, out of his own desire (selfishness), he'd come back. After the place was getting ready to close, I tried to leave with a polite wave to him but he grabbed me and hugged me so tight that I thought he was going to break my ribs. While he had me trapped in his suffocating embrace, he began to tenderly stroke the back of my head. Yuck! I tried to pull away because I could feel the vomit starting to collect in the back of my throat. When I finally broke free, I calmly said, "Okay, well…see you around. Take care of yourself." I briskly walk out and shout to my sis (who was waiting outside with one of our friends) to start the car. I got in the car while sis was still outside talking to our friend. I saw in the side view mirror, that he was standing outside looking around (presumably, for me since we hadn't exchanged numbers). I asked sis to wrap it up cause "he" was outside. So we drove off. Whew! That was about 3 weeks ago. Super fast-forward. I was feeling good because I hadn't seen him since…that is, until last weekend. Well, let me back-up. About 2 weeks ago, Sticky Booger started calling again. Like his usual pattern, he'd call over and over from familiar phone numbers (his home and cell) first, then he'd start calling me from other numbers. Like my usual pattern, I never answered any of his calls. I was feeling pretty good because I hadn't seen him since the last time I wrote about it here…that is, until last weekend. Saturday started off great. I was feeling good, not great and I felt like I looked great, not good. The club management treated us to a featured meal on their new menu (it was SO delicious) and a few drinks too. I went out to dance a bit. Coincidentally, a nice guy I'd met there over a month ago, showed up earlier that night. We danced and caught up with one another. I stayed on the dance floor for a good bit of time (longer than I should have-given the present state of my health). Then, my sister comes out on the dance floor and whispers in my ear, "Hey, I just want to tell you that Sticky Booger is here." and then she steps off the dance floor. Crap! I didn't want to face him. I didn't want to look at him and I definitely didn't want him to look at me. When I got tired of dancing, I just stood on the dance floor talking to my "dance partner". I got tired of standing, so I decided to bite the bullet and go face my destiny. Just when I got one high heel on the first step (to leave the dance floor), I looked across the bar and saw the guy from 7 years ago. Man! What the hell is going on here? Am I being punished for some unrealized slight I'd perpetuated on someone? Right then, I took two steps back and stood on the dance floor again. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't and wouldn't face either one of them. I just stood there, like big ole baby. It seemed apparent, from my unwillingness to leave the dance floor, that I would NOT be the one to "start up" a polite conversation. So my ex (from 7 years ago), who was directly in my sights (and I in his), walked over to the dance floor. I tried to inconspicuously dance my way over to the other side of the dance floor but he followed me. I turned and faced him and danced with him. I didn't want to talk to him. I just wanted to finish the song and go back to my seat but that wasn't to be. He says, "Chauny*, you look really beautiful." I thank him. He then says, "You lost a lot of weight too." I thank him. Then he says, "I came tonight to see you." I reply, "You shouldn't have done that." After hearing that, he tries to back out of his confession. He keeps talking and I'm getting more and more irritated with his presence. I interrupt him and say, "You know why I look great? I look great because I'm not dealing with anymore relationship bullshit. I don't deal with men that only deal in bullshit. You know something else? I'll continue to look great because I'll never again deal with silly men that play bullshit games." He nods in agreement as if he wasn't one of the men I was referring to. I go to walk away and he grabs my arm and gives me his card (with his phone numbers, etc.) I thank him and walk away. I go to my seat. With all the self-inflicted "heat" generated from my outburst, I completely forget about Sticky Booger. 🟢 I sit down and see that azzhole sitting at a table directly across my table. He just stares at me. The club manager happened to be sitting at our table, so I grab his hand. I sit there, holding his hand and ignoring Sticky Booger. 🟢 I'm thinking…JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! I'd already written about his jealous streak and I wasn't trying to make him jealous, I just didn't want him to approach me. After a few inconspicuous glances his way, I could see he was pissed! After only about 10 minutes, he gets up and storms out of the club. Great! I gave the manager back his hand and thanked him for letting me use it. Now, I'm just emotionally exhausted. I'm tired of my romantic past, I don't want to revisit it in any shape, form or fashion. I want to begin again, fresh and without baggage. Though I'm not sure marriage is something I want anymore, I'm positive that I didn't make any mistakes with regard to letting go of the men I let go of. I have no regrets. I only wished, with some of them, that I'd let go sooner. I'm so blessed to not regret making any different (romantic) choices. There are no men from my past that I romanticize about. Nobody I wished I'd gone farther with. Nobody I harbor any anger or resentment for. I only plan to go forward, with someone new or by myself. In a very liberating way, I'm truly free. You can't buy that kind of freedom with a million dollars. 💵 Well, maybe you can. I'd probably sell at that price. 🤑
Posted : 2007-10-23 01:53:00 PM Created : 2007-10-23 02:30:00 PM Visible to : Public
Originally posted on October 23, 2007
I'm going through another literarily impotent phase. I think the problem is that so much has happened since my last entry, I'm a little too overwhelmed with events to write them in a cohesive an...
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