[Warning: I'm straight LIT right now but blogging anyway. (Yeah, AGAIN! Sobertons, zip your lip! I'll fix grammatical/ spelling errors later.) Stay tuned.]
Happy New Year! My first blog post of 2012! Woo-who! 🥳 Although there were an abundant amount of good things that happened to me last year, the year was also fraught with challenges. 🥴 It's not the severity of your challenges, it's how you handle them, right? 👍🏾 Alright, I admit it, I'm having a very emotionally-taxing day. I don't know if it's the dreary weather, the cruelly combative top button of my pants or a combination of both, but my mood is quite gloomy today. ☹ I don't know how to explain how I'm feeling really but it feels a little like I'm suspended in time. 🥶😱 I just feel somber, emotionally drained and extremely incomplete. Worst still, I haven't got the foggiest idea on how to change that. I'm a melancholy mess. 😩 I don't have the strength to deal with anything or anyone too complex. 🤚🏾 I just want to stay in bed, pull the covers over my head and let the world keep moving without me because I can't seem to build up enough momentum to get started. 👎🏾 In fact, I've had a few close-to-tears moments this morning, before my day even got started. It was so hard to get up this morning. You know how exhausted you feel when you wake up after a horrible nightmare of you running from monsters all night long? 🧟♀️🧟 That's me right now. I have two weekday alarm clocks set but I'm usually out and about before the second one even goes off. However today, after the second alarm went off, I just laid in bed, staring at my ceiling until I could muster enough energy to drag myself to the shower. I even got to work late this morning...and I'm NEVER late. 💼 I'm sure my co-workers noticed that I was uncharacteristically quiet today. It didn't help that my music selection today was sweetly somber (Adele, "21"...great album, by the way😁). The world seems to be moving at a normal speed, zooming past me while I move in super slow motion, like my feet are encased in cement. You'd think being in a constant state of still would make me passive and calm but for me, it causes a great deal of nervous anxiety. Am I where I'm supposed to be in life? Am I supposed to do or see something special? How do I jumpstart my life and guide it back to a happy and carefree place? 🤔 Nothing's really happening for me right now and I can't say that it's a very good place to be. 😑 I'm trapped and smothered by a sea of nothingness. I'm scared I won't be able to climb out of this rut and I'm the only one that can. I can't authoritatively delegate the task to anyone else. I feel frustratingly stuck and left behind by The Universe. 🤗 Okay, you're right, enough with the pathetically self-inflicted pity party. I'm just feeling sorry for myself. 🙄 I'll figure it all out, I always do. 😌 Though I barely have the energy to type this, you know blogging is the best therapy for me. What you may not know, is that I chronically self-medicate and I've decided that blogging is a better medicine for me than incessant drinking. I drink a lot because I WANT to (trust me). 😊 Come to think of it, not having many good things happen in life, is much better than having a lot of bad things happen in life. Ever heard the expression 'Going nowhere fast'? It could fall under the same principle as 'No news is good news'. So maybe going nowhere fast is a good thing for me. 😏 Yep, a good thing. ☺ Wait a minute, back-up, I just thought of something. I might need to reconsider that whole positive road to nowhere thing. 🤭 I just realized that the expression 'going nowhere fast' also perfectly describes my diet, my romantic relationships and my bank account.
Back to square 'none' I guess.
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