Originally posted on June 8, 2012
Wow, it's been a minute hasn't it? Truth is, I haven't been motivated to do much lately. Hell, I'm barely motivated to finish this entry but I'll do my best. 👍 Among other things, suffocating conditions at work, a lackluster love life
and the tragic loss of a friend of 20+ years (through disappointment, not death), have me aimlessly floating through life right now. 😐 Well, I should say aimlessly "hobbling" through life. In an unfortunate accident, I landed knee first on my sister's hard, tile floor. 😱 I was jumping up to squash a beetle on the ceiling with a shoe. I landed so hard that the massive swelling completely disguised the ginormous bruise underneath. I probably should've gone to the ER but I've been there so much recently, I was afraid they'd offer me a frequent shopper card. 😬 And no, alcohol was NOT a factor (this time).⛔ Brutal bruise by beetle, not booze. The swelling has gone down a little and the bruise is beginning to fade but I'm still walking pretty gingerly because it still hurts quite a bit, especially since I have 3 big dogs that keep running into it. 😩
and the tragic loss of a friend of 20+ years (through disappointment, not death), have me aimlessly floating through life right now. 😐 Well, I should say aimlessly "hobbling" through life. In an unfortunate accident, I landed knee first on my sister's hard, tile floor. 😱 I was jumping up to squash a beetle on the ceiling with a shoe. I landed so hard that the massive swelling completely disguised the ginormous bruise underneath. I probably should've gone to the ER but I've been there so much recently, I was afraid they'd offer me a frequent shopper card. 😬 And no, alcohol was NOT a factor (this time).⛔ Brutal bruise by beetle, not booze. The swelling has gone down a little and the bruise is beginning to fade but I'm still walking pretty gingerly because it still hurts quite a bit, especially since I have 3 big dogs that keep running into it. 😩Hurt & handicapped, depressed & disheartened, I'm just kinda wading my way through life as slow as I can. 😒 It appears that the limits of my sloth know no bounds. I take great pride in my attire when I go out but when I'm at work, I just want to look neat and clean but "frumpy" is what I always end up with. Hey, I try....a little. ☺ For years, my work attire had never really been good or bad, just age appropriate. Not now though. I traded in my age-appropriate night-time fashionista card for the 85 year old daytime frumpy-fashioned card. All I care about is being comfortable. 😶 I work in a professional environment, so I can't exactly bust out the warm-ups but I did the next best thing. I asked my sister to find me pants 2 to 3 sizes too big for me, so I could sit at my desk all day without needing to adjust my clothes. The pants I wore to work today could be taken off and on without even unbuttoning them, which saves precious time during those rapid restroom breaks. 💦 I guess I'm so uncomfortable in other facets of my life, I figured I'm gonna make sure I'm comfortable when I'm at work, dammit! 😠 Perpetual sadness and uncertainty is driving me crazy! 😜 I gotta shake myself outta this, I just have to. 😟 It'd been so long since I've attempted to be cute, that it seemed like the holes in my ears were beginning to close. So when I got to work, I used my always handy 'purse earrings' to forcefully poke through my ear piercings. (BTW, purse earrings are a fashion must have. ✅) I used to have fun getting made up, putting on beautiful jewelry and wearing pretty fashionable clothes. Now, I just am...barely conscious...swimming in gigantic clothing. 💫 My new low point was this morning, when I decided to wear white panties. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with white undies, I just don't wear them...EVER...well, not since the 5th grade anyway. I always have a few on hand because they always throw a pair in that pack of 3, when you adore the other two pair. So after my shower, I go to my underwear drawer and grab a white pair I've never worn. My first reaction was to throw them back, then I thought; Oh, what tha hell. Nobody's gonna see them anyway and if I get into a bad car accident, the ER folks won't care. ⛑ Then I thought, Dang, I've been reduced to wearing white underwear knowing nobody will see them unless I get into a potentially fatal automobile accident? Sad. 😭
I often feel life-beaten, worn-out, underappreciated, overly analyzed and worst of all, uninspired. 
And Lord knows, I can't do anything if I'm not inspired. 
Despite the mostly depressing content of this entry, this is not another pathetic tale of woe. This is about redemption and rebirth. 
See, I found inspiration in the most unlikely of places. 
On my still-dark, mad-dash morning drive to work, I usually drive at top speed. 
Even at that fevered pace, the same really raggedy old truck always speeds past me, like I'm sitting still. His GMC truck is probably from the 80s or 90s but it looks like it's from the 16th Century. No matter, it definitely looks like it's seen better days but that thing is FAST! Whatever's under that hood, would put any of the characters from that movie The Fast and the Furious to shame. 
-
Just about every morning we do our dance, crazily whipping in and out of traffic but I can never keep up with him. On this particular Speed Racer morning, we happen to stop together at the same stop light, just me and him, he in the left lane, me in the middle lane. As I got ready to pound my pedal at the exact moment that light turned green, another head-to-toe tatted up dude in an older, bad azz '57 Chevy truck drove up in the right lane next to me. 
I'm sandwiched between two testosterone-driven dudes ready for a real road war. They revved their engines, never directly looking at each other (but they kinda were). You could tell, I was no longer considered a participant in this driving battle. Even so, I giggled in anticipation as I turned my head from side-to-side as I continuously looked at each of them, wondering what was gonna to happen when that light changed. 
Then, the light turns green and the really raggedy, old jalopy on my left, sped off into oblivion but I wasn't far behind. 
The old '57 Chevy wasn't too far behind me but then again, he couldn't match my driving skills (or jalopy driver's). 
Then I think; Damn! My turn is coming up. Oh well, that was fun while it lasted. As I slow down to make my turn, I see the '57 Chevy blow past me, desperately trying to catch up with the weather-beaten, old jalopy but he was no match...frankly, neither was I. (Ouch.) Then I thought to myself, Oh NOW I get it. You may look or feel weather-beaten, rusty and worn out on the outside but that doesn’t mean you're not a bad azz on the inside. And better still, when you realize you got that kind of mo-jo on the inside, it starts to shine through and make its way to the outside. Even though that '57 Chevy truck looked like a beautiful, moving work of art to me, after seeing that jalopy perform, I'd take it, over art any day of the week. 
Yes, you got it right, I just knowingly compared myself to an ugly old truck but that's how I feel sometimes. Freely admitting it is the first step. "Hi, my name is ChaunyBaby. I'm a hobbling, speeding, white panty-wearing bad azz jalopy and I wouldn't want it any other way." 
And Lord knows, I can't do anything if I'm not inspired. Despite the mostly depressing content of this entry, this is not another pathetic tale of woe. This is about redemption and rebirth. See, I found inspiration in the most unlikely of places. On my still-dark, mad-dash morning drive to work, I usually drive at top speed. Even at that fevered pace, the same really raggedy old truck always speeds past me, like I'm sitting still. His GMC truck is probably from the 80s or 90s but it looks like it's from the 16th Century. No matter, it definitely looks like it's seen better days but that thing is FAST! Whatever's under that hood, would put any of the characters from that movie The Fast and the Furious to shame. - Just about every morning we do our dance, crazily whipping in and out of traffic but I can never keep up with him. On this particular Speed Racer morning, we happen to stop together at the same stop light, just me and him, he in the left lane, me in the middle lane. As I got ready to pound my pedal at the exact moment that light turned green, another head-to-toe tatted up dude in an older, bad azz '57 Chevy truck drove up in the right lane next to me. I'm sandwiched between two testosterone-driven dudes ready for a real road war. They revved their engines, never directly looking at each other (but they kinda were). You could tell, I was no longer considered a participant in this driving battle. Even so, I giggled in anticipation as I turned my head from side-to-side as I continuously looked at each of them, wondering what was gonna to happen when that light changed. Then, the light turns green and the really raggedy, old jalopy on my left, sped off into oblivion but I wasn't far behind. The old '57 Chevy wasn't too far behind me but then again, he couldn't match my driving skills (or jalopy driver's). Then I think; Damn! My turn is coming up. Oh well, that was fun while it lasted. As I slow down to make my turn, I see the '57 Chevy blow past me, desperately trying to catch up with the weather-beaten, old jalopy but he was no match...frankly, neither was I. (Ouch.) Then I thought to myself, Oh NOW I get it. You may look or feel weather-beaten, rusty and worn out on the outside but that doesn’t mean you're not a bad azz on the inside. And better still, when you realize you got that kind of mo-jo on the inside, it starts to shine through and make its way to the outside. Even though that '57 Chevy truck looked like a beautiful, moving work of art to me, after seeing that jalopy perform, I'd take it, over art any day of the week. Yes, you got it right, I just knowingly compared myself to an ugly old truck but that's how I feel sometimes. Freely admitting it is the first step. "Hi, my name is ChaunyBaby. I'm a hobbling, speeding, white panty-wearing bad azz jalopy and I wouldn't want it any other way." Author's Note: If I get into a horrible automobile accident in which I hurt or kill someone, I'm deleting this entry. I'd rather NOT aid in my own prosecution.
ANOTHER Black Beauty
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