Originally posted on 1/27/2010
Current mood: amused
Category: Pets and Animals
I
wanted to blog about how much I miss my special Boo Bear
Sweetums♥. - I wanted to tell you how much I want to cuddle, caress and
kiss my baby
but every time I'd start to organize my sugary sweet
thoughts for my Boo Bear♥
Blog,
I'd vomit
in my mouth a little. I'm not a cheesy chick and writing about cutesy stuff like
that just isn't my shtick. I love♥
love but I'm kind of a guy
girl♥,
so,
I'll save the tender musings for a time I'm feeling a little more 'sensitive',
which isn't today. I thought a story sis told me yesterday about our mother was
robust enough to share. Plus, it might help me deflect how much I really
do miss my Boo
Bear Sweetums♥.
Sis
told me yesterday that our mom claimed that she hit a wild boar in the street
late last night while coming home from work. Not a stray cat. Not a lost dog. Not a wayward cow. Not even a pet pig but an 800 pound
wild BOAR. She repeated the exact words ¹wild ²boar even
after being 'countered' with the semi-logical question "You
mean a pig?" As sis told me the story, I
reminded her that we didn't live in the Amazon rainforest but she says momma was
adamant that it was a wild boar she hit. Momma also claimed that the wild boar was as wide as the hood
of her car...the hood of her car that houses the brand spanking new transmission
and clutch we just had replaced less than 3 weeks ago. Yeah, THAT hood.
After confirming that momma wasn't hurt, sis also confirmed
that momma said that the impact was so hard that she can't open the hood
now.
(I happen to believe that part.) To add to the authenticity of her story,
experience or tale, momma said she wanted to pull the burly
boar into the car so we could barbeque it. Unfortunately (and fortunately), it wasn‘t dead because it
limped off after impact, according to her. No, I'm not kidding. I didn't even get to explore the whole question of how in the
world momma thought she was gonna be able to drag an 800 pound wild boar into a
Mazda Protégé by herself. Apparently, the scrumptious possibility of wild boar meat
inspired her because as soon as she got home, after hitting the beast, she baked
a whole Cooks™ ham. (I believe that part too.) Please understand that my mother is probably the most
intelligent person I know, and I know a lot of really intelligent people. In
fact, I can honestly say that my mother is brilliant. Perhaps
her “issue” is having a little too much brilliance mixed in with her flower
child-like eccentricity. As you can imagine, that makes her an incredibly interesting
person, with an absolutely fascinating personality (must be hereditary).
However,
coupled with all her brilliant, flower child-like eccentricity, is a personal
point-of-view that only she sees clearly. You
see blue sky, she sees purple sky and if you listen to her reasoning sometimes, you
can't always disprove her logic. After all, what does your blue look like
through someone else's eyes??? How can anyone really know for sure? For
that reason, I skeptically asked sis what percentage she thought the actual
probability was that momma really hit a "wild boar" on Green
Oaks
Avenue
in metropolitan Arlington, Texas. Sis gave her a hefty 50% probability
but I only gave her 17%. I
have heard stories of 'wild' pigs destroying beautiful yards in the city
in the wee hours of the night (or morning). And though those stories were repeated by folks I respect,
their stories didn't hold much water with me either. However,
in defense of my mother, I can definitely say that she has had some actual true
life experiences a screenwriter wouldn't dare put in a screenplay because of the
sheer ‘unbelievability’ of it all. I
won't share those experiences with the cyberworld without her permission
but I have a few, small, insignificant ones I don't mind sharing (and neither
would she). I have heard from a reliable source that momma
did have a pet raccoon when she was a little girl. I need to ask
her if she taught it tricks. If I ask her, she’ll tell me the truth, albeit HER
truth. And it is absolutely true that my mother's dad
(Pops) lived in the house with a full grown alligator he raised from an egg.
AL The Alligator lived over 20 years and had a bathroom all to himself that always had a bathtub
full of water for him to lay in. It is also true that Al
barked like a dog, I‘d heard it with my own ears. Pops’
tattered National
Inquirer
article was my trusty elementary school show-and-tell stand-by for many years.
Why, just a couple of years ago, momma (and sis) brought home
an injured baby girl raccoon sis named “Rocky”,
that they’d found in the road and insisted on raising. I have pictures on this
very profile to prove it. I’m an animal lover (of sorts) but I draw the line at two
dogs. // Hell, the family vet couldn't even provide treatment for
the raccoon (by law) but a really cool-looking wildlife rescue guy came to our
house to get Rocky, so she ended up in safe hands.
I guess given those facts, I’m willing to concede that my mother may have a
better handle on Texas wildlife than I do. So, I'm not completely convinced there isn't some gimpy wild
boar limping around Green
Oaks
Avenue somewhere out there but I'll probably never tell her that. Let's
just keep that part our little secret.
°♥ Man, I sure do
love my moms. Mommy knows how much I miss my Boo Bear Sweetums♥! Good mommies always know that kind of stuff.
♥°(Oh damn,
I just threw-up in my mouth again.)
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