Embracing My Inner Weirdness

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Originally posted on 7/10/2009

Sometimes when you hear people constantly bragging on themselves, you think to yourself, 'Who are they trying convince? Me or themselves?' I supposed there's really nothing wrong with either of those prospects if it helps their state of mind, unless the bragging is incessant, over-the-top and insincere drivel. 😒 Well, I'm about to take a page out of that very book of Me♥, Chapter: Corny but True. 😒 I have a really great life. I'm sure there will be life happenings that will (hopefully) enhance things but I'm more than content, more than satisfied, I'm extraordinarily happy with where I am now. (Ask me again around my period next month and that'll probably be a very different answer. ) For here and now, things are just how I want them. 👍🏾 Part of inner happiness, in my estimation, is learning to love those parts of yourself that aren't really all that 'normal'. I've learned just recently that I have many healthy avenues to express my random thoughts, words and actions. I have MySpace blog-writing, video-making and now, the absolute ridiculousness of Twitter to channel my overwhelming eccentricities in an 'artistic' manner. 🥳 (Or what I deem artistic.) Thank goodness. 😃 But to be totally frank, if I were going to build The Perfect Me (in Utopia, Pleasantville on the continent of Yeah Right), I would be a LOT less weird than I am. 🤪 I'm content with my facial blemishes, fluctuating 10/12 size frame and having an..um..cartoonish and "acquired" beauty. 🥴 Those things are merely physical. Frankly, 'the physical' had never been that important to me, even when choosing a mate. (It is a little important though.) However, razor-sharp wit, having a unique outlook and intelligent comedic timing make me melt faster than Velveeta in a 9,500 watt microwave oven going full blast in the dead of Texas Summer. (I think you get the idea-next time I'll use 6 words or less.) 🤞🏾  In my mind, I have all those things, which I value a great deal. It's my inner weirdness I have trouble reconciling sometimes. Actually, most of family has a naturally exhilarating 'oddness' that I'm really quite proud of. Not crazy, drunk uncle odd, 🤡 cool odd. 👽 We've always had a unique way of seeing and doing things. It's that uniqueness that unintentionally sets us apart from most folks. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I love that about us. 😍 On the other hand, my own personal weirdness may drive people away sometimes. 😬 When I'm in a solitary mood, that suits me just fine. Other times, I think people are afraid to get too close to me and that makes me kinda sad sometimes. I also realize that there may be things I do or say that generates a 'weird' energy with people that don't know how to take me or my personality. 🥸 When I REALLY think about that last statement, it might a good thing for The Unsure to give me a wide berth. People that are too sensitive, scary, shy and timid have no place around me. I admit, sometimes I'm in the mood 'to take no prisoners'. 😡  Wait a minute. Hold up. 🤚🏾 I'm not making a great argument for being approachable and understood am I? I suppose I should've given this entry a little more thought before clacking acrylic to keyboard, huh? 😲 In a way this is a great example of how 'all over the place' I can be sometimes, with no provocation at all. That's cool too. It is what it is and I am who I am. My life is a riveting documentary, an entertaining and comedic reality show...not some lame, busted azz scripted melodrama. 😫 I'm learning to embrace my sudden and frequently unexercised (or 'unexorcized') temptation to yell, "Black roosters make great house slippers!" 🖤 or "I forgot to clean my belly button and now it smells like Asiago cheese!" 👃🏾 or something else equally nonsensical and random. 🎄🦧👾 Sis is weird too, but much more normal than me. She made a totally reasonable suggestion to me yesterday when I came in the house from work. My instant, gut-reaction response directly after her statement is what had me psychologically reeling for hours afterward. 😟 She tells me that we need to finish up some home projects and get the outside nice and company-ready. She says she wants us to maybe host a nice, intimate dinner for our significant others. My exact reply to her was, "Significant other? No, not me. You bring your significant other and tell him to bring a cute friend for me." 😉 I need relationship elbow-room to grow and move, I always have. I'm totally monogamous but I would categorize myself as more 'MEnogamous' than anything else. Don't misunderstand me. I love love♥, especially romantic love. I love♥ the idea of marital tradition and healthy societal expectations for conducting one's life. 👰🏾 I adore the Happily Ever After endings. 😍 All of those things make me inexplicably happy to witness. I'm just not sure if any of those things actually apply to me personally. I'm not 100% comfortable admitting, or even accepting that. I feel like The Obligatory Odd Ball. I feel a bit philosophically disconnected to the rest of the world too. 😱 Scary? Yes. Weird? Absolutely. Misguided? Perhaps. But as terrified and proud as I am to be that way, it is the way I am. As scary, weird and misguided as I may be, I love me just the way I am. 🤷🏾‍♀️ So next time you hear me blurt out, "Bite-sized boobs are boring!" 🤏🏾 or "Candy makes the left side of my face hurt!" 🍬 or "Sock puppets are the work of the devil! 🧦, you'll understand that I'm just not built like The Rest. Or, maybe you won't understand that (or me) at all and that's perfectly fine too. 😁