Originally posted on July 8, 2008
When I was little, I thought the tiny door under my mother's bathroom vanity (of my childhood home), was the door to Sesame Street. I hate walking close to statues because I think they'll come alive and eat me. 😲 I'm not sure that I agree that Shakespeare was a literary genius. I like to be the first one to use a roll of toilet paper (it makes me so very happy). 🧻 In public bathrooms, when I see a turd left by the stall's previous occupant, I'm mentally messed up for about 2 hours afterwards. 😵 Unsuspecting people who loudly smack their food or pop their gum in my presence, are always mere millimeters from catching a bloody beat-down from me. 😡 My grandfather (Pops) had a full grown alligator that lived in the house with him (he found the alligator egg when he was hunting). The alligator's name was Al (of course) and he barked like a dog. I used to take pictures of him, and the National Inquirer article that featured them both, to grade school show-and-tell. I kinda like the taste of my own blood. I think that cleaning the inside of my ears with a Q-Tip, is a suitable substitute for sex (that's so sad). I wish that freely passing gas was a socially acceptable practice. I miss CB radios. I think the smell of Sunlight dish soap (the original lemon scent) is one of the best smells on Earth. 🍋 I'm horribly lactose intolerant, so if you give me dairy, you'd better leave the room…for about 4 hours. Sometimes, the smell of garlic makes me want to puke. (hmmm, I like the taste of blood and hate garlic-I see a vampire theme emerging). 🩸 I love collard greens but I hate mustard greens. Turnip greens are just so-so. I do a pretty good British accent and I used to use it to crank call people (before caller ID). I used to love steak super bloody with tons of pink, now if I see the slightest amount of pink in a steak I'm eating, I'll spit it out in disgust, no matter what social setting I'm in. (maybe I'm not a vampire after all). 🥩 I haven't answered my home phone in about 4 months. I'm seriously considering becoming a police officer. I'm working on my fear of spiders (among other pests), so I started smashing them with my bare hands to prove that they no longer have power over me. Now, I'm working on my phobia of having smashed spider guts on my bare hands. 🕷🕷 I will never again swim in a public pool. When I think about the numerous times I've peed in a pool and spit pool water out of my mouth, I start to wonder about how many others were doing the same exact thing. For a long time, I hoped I would've had a chance to marry Christopher Reeve (the 80s Superman), Prince & Boy George (not all at the same time though). 😘 I wonder what lizards taste like (cooked, not raw). 🦎 I don't like spitty-lipped people or people that have those tiny white spit bubbles in the corners of their mouth when they talk. (I think those people may be the devil's disciples). 👿 I know this blog entry is random and silly but you know that those words also pretty accurately describe me. Hey, don't act like you didn't already know I had mental problems. 😐
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