Originally posted on 6/22/2009
My next
birthday is now less than 10 days away. Right before turning 30 and several birthdays afterward,
depression would automatically creep in early but was quickly dispelled by
celebratory well-wishes from my beloved family and friends. I'd quickly snap myself out of my ridiculous Birthday
Blue Mood and see my life as it actually is; a steady stream of wonderful
experiences and blessings. I'm healthy, I have wonderful people with whom I can
rely on for support when I need it and my life is anything but dull. (That
"not dull" thing can be good and bad but I'm concentrating on the good
right now). Sure, like anyone, I've had many bad days, worse experiences
and weeks - sometimes months - filled with heartbreak, worry and good
old-fashioned run-of-the-mill depression. But as life has taught me, those difficult times are needed
to keep us grounded and prepared for the good stuff we don't even see coming
around the corner. If we never had bad times, how would we ever be grateful for
the good times? Sunny, happy, sugary sweet good stuff 24/7 would just be
"expected"...Zzzzz...BORING! Boredom is like torture for a person like me. Aside from that, real life doesn’t take place in
Pleasantville…unless it’s in real life Pleasantville, New Jersey or
Pleasantville, Iowa but you know what I mean. My armchair psychiatric theory is
that the bad stuff balances the good stuff, though I doubt a psychiatrist would
use the word "stuff" in their official diagnosis. Hopefully, life throws more
good than bad our way. I've said it many times before but "Happiness is an
absolute personal choice." It took me 30 plus birthdays to finally
figure that out, some people never do. I'm not naive enough to think that I'll always feel
like this either. Bad or sad times are sure to be lurking just around the
corner, in a vile attempt to ambush me when I least expect it. I'll be sad or mad, I may even cry a little or a lot but I
know that low feeling won't be permanent. (At least I hope it won't.)
I'll sink to the doldrums of depressing despair and find my way out
again...eventually. Knowing and OWNING that will be a birthday gift to myself
that I will always treasure. Admittedly, the positive bold and brave face I
put on for the world is mostly manufactured by me. It's real, but I sometimes have to make a
significant emotional effort to be positive and "brave" since it's not always
forthcoming. So what? What difference does that really make if it works? When
something petrifies me, I close my eyes, say a little prayer to myself and take
an infant step toward possible disaster. Sometimes after "the confrontation" I suddenly run in the
opposite direction, screaming and frantically waving my arms but
most times after I just go for it, things end up being a
lot less horrific than my overworked imagination initially inferred. July 1st marks another remarkable year
of learning, crying, growing, hurting, loving, laughing and experiencing life to
a supreme degree. Hopefully, there will be several more remarkable years of the
same, surrounded by the people I love most. As corny as it 'sounds', I don't think anybody anywhere
could ask for anything more than that, not as a birthday gift or anything else.
Unless of course, you’re talking about having all that *PLUS* gazillions
of dollars. $$$ Having a fiscally fantastic financial portfolio could be
the cherry on top. I love cherries but the fruit cocktail is mighty tasty
without them.
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