Originally posted on 6/17/2009
Category : Friends
Pimp Hard
This is another serious entry. I won't write this entry with the same care and love I usually do. This'll be sloppy and solemn but it'll also be gritty and real, just like me. If I wasn't so relieved, I would be colossally pissed off right now! It's funny how changing moods can affect you in different ways. Lately, I've been fixated on some of the "older" rap music. The artist(s) of choice at the moment seems to be 8 Ball & MJG (Pimp Hard!). Though my taste in music is extremely wide-ranging, ordinarily, I would find some of their music obscenely offensive. Actually, I do now but man that beat is tight! So, my latest hardcore rap stance could be a direct result of my recent decision to hit the reset button on a couple of relationships, in particular. The most significant canceling of my non-fruit bearing unions has been a long time coming but Saturday, things reached a boiling point. In the interest of decency, I won't provide specifics but I will say that this person completely and "serendipitously" concocted utter lies about me. Worse than that, this ex-friend of mine relayed these blatant lies to a person that can't even stand them...not even as one of God's precious creatures. To cap off the unmitigated gall of this person, they spread this filth with me sitting less than 5 feet away from them. Now that's nerve! The things made up about me were not mere exaggerations of something I'd told them, these were utterances that I not only never said, they are things I would NEVER say. Why the sudden about-face from a trusted friend? The first obvious reason is that this person wasn't ever really a trusted friend to begin with. The second is a little more jarring and unsubstantiated but I have a pretty good idea of what the issue is and has always been. I wasted no time calling this person out either. (Big surprise.) To which they stupidly replied that I must have "misunderstood" what they said. Are you kidding? I even got some of it on video! (Thanks Sis.) I will say the most offensive part of all of this is that this person must have thought I was really stupid, which means that they never really knew me at all. If they had, the stunts pulled Saturday would never have even taken place. Thing is, the way this person conducts their life outside of our friendship has always bothered me. However, as long as it didn't involve me personally and no one got my "lifestyle" confused with theirs, I was perfectly willing to let things slide as long as they gave me periodic breaks away from them (to recharge), which never happened. I have to tell you though, I'm not even upset about that part. With the exception of a couple of people, there isn't anyone I couldn't cut out of my life forever if it made logical sense to do so. I could exile anyone without a moment's hesitation or an ounce of regret. Some relationships are deceptively toxic and can slowly poison you without you even knowing it's happening. I consider myself blessed because now I know. I'm wondering how this infamous ex-friend will spin this completely dissolved friendship. We know some of the same people so I can just imagine the horrific injustices they'll say I cruelly thrust upon them. A lesser person may feel the need to do instant "damage control" to circumvent the possibility of looking like "the bad/mean one." Dude, that isn't even my personality and even if it was, I know my hands are clean. I don't owe anybody anything, not even an explanation. With this glaring exception, I pride myself in associating with genuinely good people. I'm a straight shooter. What you see is what you get with me. I have no major 'skeletons in my closet' that haven't already been revealed in this very blog at some point in time. I'm sincere, real and don't put up with bullshit in any form, from anybody. I thought this person knew that, that's why this whole fiasco was a little baffling at first. I think being so utterly free from manufactured and avoidable drama has kept me positive, even when I'm sad enough to cry for 3 straight hours. On the flip side, it's also made me a little complacent and sloppy when having some people invade my tight-nit social circle. Look, I know I'm not 'good' all the time. As you already know, I have a penchant for making fun of people...but these aren't good people by any means. In my book, it's perfectly acceptable to ridicule people worthy of it. That may even be why I'm going through my "recent rap rapture." I listen to the words of Pimp Hard and want to crack up every time I hear them. The words of that song suggest that some should treat women like unimportant objects only put on earth to serve the needs of those that are deserving street-smart "pimps", which is already a warped concept on it's own. Then I think, there are women out there that not only glamorize that pathetic "female" roll, they covet it and can't wait to be the next stupid bitch that gets used. (I've seen it very recently with my own cartoonish eyes-just trust me on that). My reply to that is "If you like it, I love it."♥♥ The world is full of people, ideas and politics I don't personally agree with. But recognizing those things makes me a better, more well-rounded woman/person. Maybe that's not it at all and I just enjoy my own internal struggle with good and evil. Lord knows, I have a healthy dose of both but my intentions are mostly pure/good, which puts me squarely on the side of 'good' (in my opinion). For me, the sun has permanently set on this relationship but I have a feeling that this is not over. My instinct tells me that this person will demonize me to our mutual acquaintances and drag this out in an embarrassingly (for them) long production. Do I care about that? (That question was rhetorical.) 😒 Yeah, something tells me I'll have plenty of ex-friend fodder to share with you at a later date. Hopefully, not too soon though. I'm enjoying my newfound freedom. I feel like a 200 pound mole was just removed from my azz. Nothing says happiness like a 200lb mole-free derriere.
Originally posted on 6/17/2009
This is another serious entry. I won't write this entry with the same care and love I usually do. This'll be sloppy and solemn but it'll also be gritty and real, just like me. If I wasn't so relieve...
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