Showdown At Broken Heart And Bended Knee *MySpace Archive

Originally Posted : June 19, 2007
Category : Romance and Relationships
Blog 48

Showdown At Broken Heart And Bended Knee

First a disclaimer; This entry probably won't be that interesting to you, I just need to get some stuff out (you know this is therapy for me). So, Friday night was interesting and a bit scary, to me at least. I hadn't been to my favorite night spot on a Friday night for a few months now, so my best friend and I decide to go. As expected, I had a great time dancing, drinking and innocently flirting my tail off. Then, about midnight, guess who walks in the place while I'm dancing my bootie off on a ledge by my seat? Yep, the infamous dude (relationship gnat) from my past, steps in the door. I'd seen him (there) maybe only twice since our break-up but I hadn't actually talked to him face-to-face since April '06. At first, I tried to act like I hadn't seen him (and that he hadn't seen me) so I could get sis to settle the tab and sneak out the back but I was spotted. After about 45 seconds of hanging by the nightclub entry, he comes over to my table and says, "Chauny, how have you been?" I reply "I've been fantastic". A few more minutes of idle small talk and he goes for the jugular and gets serious. He says,"Didn't you get the text message I sent you last week?" (the one I wrote about in the last blog entry). With the dirtiest, most serious look I could muster, I reply, "Do you want to get into this now? Because you're not supposed to be texting or calling me. So, if you want to get serious about it, we can." he says, "No, sorry Chauny. I'm sorry about everything. I messed up and I came tonight only to see you." DUH! I tell him that he shouldn't have done that because we were (and have been) over and though I'm not mad at him, I have no desire to continue any kind of relationship with him. I reminded him of all the stuff I'd written (and told him) about before; his ridiculous "feminine" tantrums, his selfish and unappreciative behavior towards me when we were together, etc...I also reminded him that at his behest, we were no longer together in the first place and he needed to accept with that...blah, blah, blah...you've read it all before. Other people that I'd earlier been innocently talking with, before his unexpected and unwelcome appearance, started making their way back to my table, since you-know-who showed no signs of leaving. Admittedly, you-know-who has a horrible jealous streak, so in between conversations-that didn't include him-he asks me if him standing there was upsetting me, since there were men around that obviously wanted to talk to me. I tell him that it is simply not possible for him to upset me ever again and he needn't worry about who's trying to talk to me because it wasn't any of his business. He apologizes but doesn't budge from my table. After the long, animated conversation with him got redundant (and boring) I decided to close our tab out and leave. My plan was to leave him standing there in the club but without invitation, he followed me (and sis) outside anyway. It was raining, so I get in my car and prepare to drive off. As I get ready to close my door, he wedges himself in the opening and asks (again) for another chance. I told him we'd talked about it before and there was truly nothing else to discuss. Sis, a bit tipsy but lucid enough to start trouble, interjects during my conversation with him, of our (made up) plans to go and have breakfast that night/ morning. He asks me if he could please take us out for breakfast and all the usual crap. I look over at her, sporting that devilish "little sister" smile I remember from childhood. I told him that I appreciated his offer but that it wasn't a good idea. Finally, I gently (but firmly) push him out of my car doorway, start the car and drive off, leaving him standing in the rain. A fitting and poetic end, I'd say. I breathed an audible sigh of relief but I'm not 2 minutes into my drive home when the phone calls start. Between 1:32 AM and 2:18 AM, he called me about 25 times! I kid you NOT! Several times he called within the same minute. It's like he'd call and hang up when the voicemail came on and just redial. When I didn't answer my cell after about 10 calls, he started calling my home number over and over. I'm thinking, this is nuts, what's wrong with him?! What does he think is going to happen by him stalking me like that?! I turn the ringer off my cell and home phone (in my room) but I can hear that he continues to call, from the phones in other rooms in the house. Around 11AM the next day (Saturday), he sends me two text messages. The first simply says, "PLEASE CALL". The second says, "Chauny, am having a party 2day, if u would come. I came out last nite coz of u. Can we meet and talk pls. I have always had u in mind (serious)." WTF?! Is he kidding? Is he sane? Is he obsessed? I think he thinks if he proposes marriage, all his obsessive behavior will be forgotten but we all know it wouldn't (and couldn't). I know that if I did marry him, the only way I'd be able to leave him is in a pine box. Honestly, I know I've joked about it many times before but for the very first time, I was really scared. I even let our dog have free reign of the house that night (which I never do) because she's a fantastic 'alarm'. I kept my phone in bed with me (Friday night-early Saturday morning), to call 911 should he unexpectedly show up. I'm sure he'd driven by a few times but he hadn't knocked or come into my yard. I have to say that I was most concerned about the safety of my family (sister)...more than me. I mean, I'm the one that let him into our lives and if anything happened to her, it would sort of be my fault, you know? That thought haunted me all night and through the next day. You read about those exes that snap and kill the ex-girlfriend/ wife/ lover, the current boyfriend/ husband/ lover, the family and the family dog. Needless to say, I never responded to any of his attempts to contact me and the harassment has since stopped (at least temporarily). Despite a shaky start, the rest of the weekend was fabulous. After making up last week, I got to hang out with my friend and I have the most fun I've had in a great while, that wasn't party or nightclub-related. Monday, he drops me off at my house after lots of good times, laughter and gorging ourselves at one of my very favorite restaurants... and all is right in the world. He leaves and before attempting an early afternoon nap, I go to check my MySpace messages and the very first one is one in which the subject line says, "I Saw You Friday Night". I must look exactly like my pictures on my page because I get that a lot...people leaving me messages saying they saw me here or there. Or, even if people see me out, they'll say they've seen me on MySpace, which I think is pretty cool. Anyway, I read the message and it says that he'd seen me at the club and that I looked like I was having a great time and that I looked like a lot of fun and that I was really cute (all true incidentally). I don't remember ever seeing this guy before but I asked him (through MySpace) why he didn't say anything to me that night. He said he saw a guy talking to me and he thought he was my fiancée. At first, I didn't know who in the hell he was talking about and how he made that jump (to fiancée?)...but after a while, I deduced that he was probably talking about you-know-who. I still don't know how he made the "fiancée" jump. So, even when you-know-who isn't officially in the picture, his presence manages to make itself known regardless. He's like used gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe on the hottest day of Summer, in Texas. Or, that sticky booger you try to inconspicuously flick off your finger, that never comes off (without tissue). I have readily accepted the fact that you-know-who will always be the block of cement chained to my ankles, my albatross or that grotesque white-tipped pimple on the tip of your nose that keeps coming back. But he's also my reminder of a place I never want to revisit, so I suppose that alone makes him a very useful part of my life. At least, until he vandalizes my car and burns down my house.

Posted : 2007-06-19 11:06:00 AM Created : 2007-06-19 09:52:00 AM Visible to : Public

Blog ID : 278058834

Incomplete Thought Part V (When Too Much Time Passes) *MySpace Archive

Originally Posted : June 12, 2007
Category : Romance and Relationships
Blog ID 47

Incomplete Thought Part V (When Too Much Time Passes)

This week is shaping up to be an interesting one, and it's only Tuesday! Since Saturday, I've had "interactions" with my last two ex-boyfriends. It occurred to me, after "interacting" with both of them, that sometimes when too much time passes, my desire to regain, retain or restart anything almost completely dissipates. The first interaction came this past Saturday. For the second  time, I decided I would forgive all my last boyfriend's stupid past actions and start a new, non-romantic but cordial, dialogue/ relationship with him. It was during our latest verbal exchange that I was reminded of just how old he is (he'll be 51 this month). His oldest son is just a couple of years younger than me. Ironically, it was his immaturity that finally ended our relationship, we might still be "kicking it" if not for that. And NO , he didn't have money but he told me that I could have anything he had and I believed him, I just wished he had more (just playing-don't get mad). Saturday, I could tell he was VERY surprised that I just came up to him and started talking (after all these months of ignoring him). However, after talking to him for just a few minutes, I found myself less willing to continue the conversation or a friendly relationship with him. Not that anything was said that was offensive or out-of-line, I just realized that I'd been away from him too long. My desire to know him, on any level, had passed. I know there was a very vivid moment, during our conversation that night, that it showed too. I can't remember what was said but I remember just blankly staring at him, no expression or words. I guess I was looking right through him. It was then that I distinctly remember him staring at his glass and saying, "Man, I really wish there was alcohol in this" (he doesn't drink). I still have his picture in my wallet and on my desk at work. Not because I still care for him in that way, it's just that I think I look really cute in that pic! Also, I learned something important with him, age doesn't always matter. Sometimes it's okay to step outside your comfort zone every now and then, it can be fun. It was with him, for a little while anyway. Then, the other came yesterday (Monday). You-know-who called and sent me a text before 7:00AM that morning. Yep, the human gnat is baaaaaack!!! The text simply said, "Chauny, can I take u out! I got something to say to u pls. U have been very nice to me, i realize. Am sorry!" I heard him the first 50 times he said it!!! Honestly, I think he probably wants to get married but that doesn't change anything at all. Before we officially broke up, I told him point-blank; "If you want to step away from this, that's fine. Just know that once you step away, there may be no coming back. Not because I'm trying to punish you but because the desire in me will be gone and there will be no recovering from that." Despite my explicit warning, he played "relationship-poker", I called his bluff and now he's trying to regain the progress (he thought) he made. With him, that opportunity is lost forever. Too much time had passed. After our break-up, which really hurt me at the time, I felt that it would be best for him to find someone else and see if he could do better (than me). From what I knew (and saw ), after we broke up, he got himself another girlfriend-even through all those times he'd been trying to contact me again. Knowing that, didn't bother me in the least. Frankly,  I'm just not the type of woman that's going to try to win your heart over another. I'm not the least bit competitive when it comes to a man. If you prefer her, go to her. I don't want anyone that doesn't want me and if I need to "convince" you that I'm the one-then you never really knew me to begin with. Back in the day though, I was a very jealous woman and the mere thought of someone I (ever) cared about being with another woman, drove me absolutely nuts! But that was before I knew my worth, as a person...as a woman. In the last year or so, I had a life-changing epiphany that colored the way I deal with people (men) and problems now. What I'm going to write next is going to sound arrogant and cocky but I sincerely don't mean it to. Relatively recently, I told a good friend something I thought he should know about me. I told him that there are plenty of women in the world that I know are FAR prettier, finer, smarter and richer than me but I didn't think there was any woman in the world that was better than me (with the exception of my mother and sister). Now, that's not to say that I'm the best woman for every man. With men, I know that there are specific attributes that are more valued than others and depending on the man, that changes with every woman.  I'm simply saying that I know overall, I'm a good woman and person. But if it's just too much trouble to know, love or respect me when we are together, then move on and do better. If you can, I won't be mad, I'll even dance at your wedding !  I'm not saying it doesn't hurt me when things don't work out, I'm just saying that after a little emotional downtime, I'll have no problem moving on and once I do, I can't go back. I know it sounds a little narcissistic but I wish everybody happiness, with or without me. I'm in full support of every man doing what they think is right for themselves, relationship wise. For those men in doubt, I say this; Always examine (and reexamine ) your feelings, sleep on it, decide what you want and be absolutely sure. But if you go, plan on staying gone because sometimes, like in this case of these two, there is no coming back.

Posted : 2007-06-12 04:39:00 AM Created : 2007-06-12 09:03:00 AM Visible to : Public

Blog ID : 275334425

30-Something Years. Ode To My Beautiful Sis *MySpace Archive

Originally Posted : June 7, 2007
Category : Life
Blog 46

30-Something Years. Ode To My Beautiful Sis

I'm having great difficulty writing this because I'm getting teary-eyed as I'm typing. This will be a little on the mushy side but I'm going to write it anyway. I'll try to make it short but not too short, you know me!  As you know, there are rare moments in life when everything seems so clear. The grass is greener, the world is beautiful and you appreciate everything great in your life. Short moments really, when the mysteries of the universe are no longer mysteries (though the clarity can be fleeting or forgotten). I had one of those "clarifying" moments yesterday while exchanging emails with my sister from work (she at her job-me at mine). Unlike you good people, sis never reads my blogs. Though I'm sure she could sense a slight melancholy flavor to my mood lately, she really hasn't been around me enough to really witness it (she works and goes to school full time). Then yesterday, while catching up on some work, out of the blue, I get an email from her in which the subject line simply said "You Are..." In the body of the e-mail there were 18 words I'll never forget, it said. ..a beautiful, talented, creative, loving and nearly-flawless woman. I am blessed to have you in my life."  Isn't that about one of the sweetest things ever written by a human being? I wasn't completely ready to let go of my solemn mood, so I gingerly replied that I appreciated her words but it doesn't seem that anybody truly appreciates any of the loving, sincere, eccentric (some say "quirky") qualities about me/us (she and I). I tell her that I'm okay and I'm sure it's just a "mood" that will soon pass for me. She replies with this gem; "I TOTALLY know what you mean and the only solace I can offer is, even though we may have slept through a storm last night, it did rain and even though we weren't physically watching the time change minute after minute, it did change. Absolutes are absolute because even though we haven't physically witnessed a fact-it is still a fact or even if we were the ONLY people to have witnessed that fact, it is still a fact. This time of uncertainty and doubt, as you so eloquently put it, will pass and at the end of the day, as with everyday before this day and after, you will be a dynamic addition to the universe." Good grief!  How could you "follow" something that beautiful? Why would you even try? Sitting at my desk reading this, trying desperately to hold on to my pitiful sadness, I burst into tears! 😭 This time, happy tears. I had to turn away from the opening of my cubicle because I couldn't seem to compose myself. Actually, I'm doing a piss-poor job composing myself right now, as I write this. I've known her for 30-something years and I had no idea she was such a poet! Or at least, I forget sometimes. Man, I read that email over and over again. I had to, my eyes kept welling up with tears, so I had to keep starting over! Then, I started to think about all the other stuff she does for me. Not small stuff either. Aside from being my bodyguard and on-site therapist, she cooks for me anytime I want her to. We'll just be sitting around the house and I might mention that I'm a little hungry. She'll burst out (all the time), "You want me to make you something? I don't mind cooking." And I'm not talking about Top Ramen or toast, I mean full-fledged, international, five-star, multi-course meals! She never lifts an exacerbated eyebrow, even when she's gotten home late because of work or school. She bakes for me all the time and makes me cocktails to help me sleep at night. She gets up early every morning to make me the best coffee in the entire world (truly people-this coffee kicks azz-and only she can make it). Each morning she even asks me if I want her to make me something for breakfast! She made me eggs this morning but if I want, she'll also make Malto-Meal (which I hate making). Man, I'm in heaven! Though I always thank her, I really feel like a total jackazz, a pathetic, unappreciative jerk for ever being melancholy about anything. I have it really good and I don't always see it clearly. I mean, I'm not married or "attached" but my life partner, my soul mate already lives with me. All I really have to do is clean the house, decorate a little (which I love) and occasionally proof-read her writings and I get that kind of treatment? What in the world makes me  so worthy? I'm not telling you this as some "big sister", gushy, mushy, misplaced "props'' to an undeserving family member. This chick is the absolute bomb and I'm really the blessed one. She's amazingly charming, super smart, culinarily gifted, ridiculously gorgeous, incredibly funny and marvelously maternal. There are WAY too many wonderful things about her to cram into a single blog entry, so I won't even try (too hard ). However, I will tell you that this is my moment of  perfect clarity and appreciation for all things great in my life. She tells me all the time that she knows, without a shadow of doubt, that because of the woman I am, I deserve the very best in life. The thing neither of us realized was that I already had it and  have had it for 30-something years. How perfect is that?! 💕

Posted : 2007-06-07 12:27:00 PM Created : 2007-06-07 12:53:00 PM Visible to : Public

Blog ID : 273544211

Whoa Is Me! Pitiful, Ain't It? *MySpace Archive

Originally Posted : June 5, 2007 
Category : Life
Blog 45

Whoa Is Me! Pitiful, Ain't It?

Perhaps it's just that I'm feeling a little overly-sensitive but I think I've identified one source of the slight depression I've been experiencing lately. I'm pretty sure it stems from an inordinate feeling of "unappreciation" from those around me. No one seems to be listening or even care about what it is I want (or need). Everyone seems to be pushing their own agenda with no real consideration for anyone but themselves and it's really getting on my nerves! 😡 You ever feel like someone's trying to " rain on your parade ", just 'cause? As you know, some of this started last week when my friend and I decided not to ever speak again. I didn't go into specifics then  but I don't mind sharing some with you now. During my last conversation (with my friend), I tried to explain to him how stressed out I was about the car shop still not fixing my car correctly (this just after purchasing my favorite bottle of wine for him-as surprise for the Sunday/Monday excursion that never happened). Ignoring everything I'd just said to him, he started telling me that he doesn't like my tone when I talk to him sometimes (not necessarily right then). Even though it wasn't any of his business, I explained to him that our current conversation wasn't rosy on my end because I had some emergency financial/car issues I needed to work out. I even went on to tell him that I didn't mean to shorten my phone conversations with him (I kept needing to call him back) but someone kept calling in, during our phone calls, about the car. I wasn't rude or anything, I just needed to take care of some (obviously) pressing business. He goes on to tell me that I always need to get off the phone, when I don't like how the conversation is going and that's going to have to stop. HELLO?! Did he just say what I thought  he said? Did he even hear anything I was telling him about me? Did he even care about what  my issues were at that immediate time? Nope, it appeared not. I admit that I was a little hurt that I exposed some of my hand when I told him some personal stuff about what I was going through-and he didn't even acknowledge it. I think secretly, I was hoping he'd offer some words of encouragement or at least listen without pushing his own agenda. Usually, I'm pretty composed when I talk to him, so maybe he didn't know how to react. I don't ever ask him for emotional support or a shoulder to cry on because I don't want to be perceived as weak but I did this time, and look what happened? So, the decision is made-no more communication. Sounds like the only workable plan, due to the circumstances. After purging my momentary hurt feelings in my last blog entry, I'm not even the least bit upset at him anymore. With him, things went the way they were supposed to go, why even be mad about it? Then, Saturday, I go out to dance some stress away. On Saturday night, for some unknown reason, I felt really glamorous, sexy and confident (mostly just in my head). The night started out wickedly wonderful. The manager of the club bought our table a round of delicious margaritas (topped with Grand Marnier 🥃) to get the night started off right. YUM! The live band that night wasn't one of my favorites but I was going to try to enjoy myself anyway. So, on a completely bare dance floor, I get out there and do all my best Janet Jackson/ Beyonce/ JoLo (when she was a FlyGirl) moves. I'm feeling really powerful and I don't care who knows it. After the song, the singer makes a few comments to the crowd about my dancing ability and my t-shirt (which proudly said "Flirtologist"). So, I'm feeling like I'm getting my groove back, despite some earlier emotional set-backs. The singer even comes to our table a few songs later, to chat. It's funny too because when I was in the bathroom earlier that night (after my first dancing display), a couple of women asked if I were dating the singer. I assured them that I wasn't and I asked why they thought I was. They told me that when I was out there dancing, there was a chemistry between us that was very electric. Whatever! Truthfully, the singer wasn't even remotely my type physically but I guess we just had that Jay-Z/ Beyonce chemistry that translated well on the dance floor. Then, a little later that night, I go out to dance again and (in my mind ) I put on another hot and sexy performance. I'm feeling really great and all the previous disappointment about my friend and my car situation start to rapidly melt away. Afterwards, I go back to sit down with my one girlfriends that was still left at the table, and I get admonished for taking too long on the dance floor! She says that she was irritated because she'd been having difficulty keeping my seat open. What?! Did she just say what I thought she said? How could she be worried about something small like that? Didn't she see my steamy, MTV Music Awards-ready performance on the dance floor? I thought she'd be pleased that I was breaking out of my earlier funk but all she could do was bitch about how long I took out on the dance floor. Despite her selfish proclamation, I assured her that she never had to worry about her time on the dance floor because the "seat situation" would always get handled by me (which I'd done on countless occasions). Coincidentally, I'd just finished telling her how gorgeous she looked that night and that all the attention seemed to be squarely on her, so I'd better get my game right. She apologized for crapping on my parade but it was too late, it was an anti-climatic end to a night with so much potential. Oh well, I tried. There are a few bright spots but mostly, the rest of the weekend (through Monday) was more of the same. For the most part, it was people needing this or that with no real consideration for my time or feelings. I'm thinking it's okay though, Tuesday will be better. The first thing I do this morning before leaving for work, is check my MySpace messages. My very first message was an insult (about one of my more prominent physical characteristics) from some ugly chick in another state. HUH?! Did I just read what I thought I read? What did I do to her? Where did that come from? I've never even talked to her before and I'm not even sure how she even found my page! I'm sure the object of her affection sent me a note or left me a flirtatious comment or something and she was just "lashing out" at me. I know how "catty" some women can be sometimes, slinging insults-just for the sake of being hateful. Generally, rude comments from people don't phase me too much, but this just came on the heels of a bad emotional spell. I know I sound a little "whoa is me " but I don't care! I need to get this out, so I can make room for some more positive stuff that's surely coming for me (I'm due). I have to give a special shout out to my good friend Tahiti though. He was the only one this weekend that gave me anything really positive to work with. He'd paid me some really wonderfully sweet compliments at a time when I was sinking deep into a cavernous, emotional hole (real dramatic, huh?) Seriously, his kind words really came at a time when I needed them most and I told him so. It's funny when that happens, isn't it? Maybe that's the test, the lesson I was supposed to learn. Even when everything seems to be going the wrong way, there's that tiny glimmer of hope that's telling you something important. Though I don't consider his compliments to be small in any way, they were the only real, positive thing to happen in a long weekend that seemed to be fraught with a steady stream of crappy happenings. Maybe the lesson is that other people love, admire or appreciate you, even when they don't always say it. Maybe a series of bad things happen to you at one time, to remind you that things could always be worse. Maybe you're stronger than you thought you were and it's all a part of the Grand Plan to toughen you up, when you're getting weak. 😞 Maybe it's my Monthly Monster playing tricks on my brain again. 🧠 So far, it's just a weak week for me but it's still early, things might turn around before it's all over. 

Posted : 2007-06-05 01:19:00 PM Created : 2007-06-05 11:43:00 AM Visible to : Public

Blog ID : 272711099

It Stung, But He Wasn't Wrong *MySpace Archive

Originally Posted : June 1, 2007
Category : Romance and Relationships
Blog 44

It Stung, But He Wasn't Wrong

First, my apologies, this will be a serious entry. So, if you don't feel like being serious, don't read this one..wait for the next one. You know, there are so many experiences in life that aren't comfortable, awful really, but they are absolutely character-building. You think about all the things in your life that stunk when they happened, but then you go back and realize that they happened to you, to teach you something-even something you didn't necessarily want to be taught. I've had a few of those experiences myself, some I've shared with you, some I haven't. Most recently, for me, it started with my job. I like what I do, sometimes I even love♥ it but for the last few months, things had started to spin out of control. I can admit now that work-wise, I fell WAY behind and I finally had to relent. For me, that isn't an easy thing to do. At work, three of us are doing what four used to do, while our supervisor steadily "volunteers" us for more work (they never filled the position of our fourth after she was moved to another dept). The ladies I work with are very hard working too. They'd come in on the weekends, just to not fall too far behind. Truthfully, I had no intentions of ever doing that and that's what I told the manager (of our dept straight-up. I felt that if I couldn't manage it within a 40 hour work week, then it would have to get done when it got done. Giving up my weekends would diminish my quality of life too much. I enjoy my home, family and friends too much to sacrifice any precious time with them. My work stays within the cozy confines of my cubicle. Then last week, my supervisor came to my desk and asked how I could "make up some serious ground". I offered a few suggestions that I thought, at the time, fell on deaf ears. Finally, frustrated to the point of tears, I told her point-blank, "I give up, it's just too much and I can't manage it" I went on to tell her that I never do anything half-way and I work very hard to make sure the quality of my work is pristine (she agreed). I also told her that I didn't feel valued and that I simply couldn't keep up the pace that was expected of me and still do the quality work I know I'm capable of. I told her frankly, that I was VERY frustrated, bordering on ANGER. She replies, "Well, don't get angry-we'll figure something out ". I go through the long Memorial Day weekend, enjoying myself but accepting the fact that I'd have a total mess to contend with, when I got back to work on Tuesday. However, Tuesday, I go back to work and I see a few new faces on my floor. Not new really, they were actually some of my old colleagues from another department. They were training with us so they could give us some relief.  So, my tearful admission of  perceived failure didn't fall on deaf ears after all! Today, for the first time in months, I was able to get caught up on some very complicated issues that had been stacking up on my desk (and had been giving me nightmares). I can tell you, it was a very welcome relief. Especially since I knew I was off again this Monday and as it happened, so was a good friend of mine. Admittedly, this friend and I have had a few significant "rough patches". We hadn't known each other  that long but there is definitely a prominent respect for each other's intelligence and character. I guess that was the true cement in our relationship. We're alike in some ways but probably very different in all the ways that matter most. Anyway, my friend was going to pick me up Sunday night, so we could have some fun and hang out (Sunday and Monday). Truthfully, with my car still in the shop from breaking down Wednesday, after shelling out $421-only to look forward to giving the shop another $400 (that we just discovered today), the anticipation of hanging out with him for a couple of days, was the only thing that made the day remotely "palatable". Then after a disagreement (just minutes after taking my car right back to the shop I just drove it home from), we decide that it's best that we don't ever speak again. Okay, I confess, it stung a bit. I confess, it didn't feel good but he wasn't wrong. I mean, anybody that you choose to spend your off day with, should bring you joy and peace, and if you're really lucky, passion. But I think we'd just gone down the wrong road too many times before, to recover. At first, I was pissed, livid really. I was thinking WTF?! Why did I spend all that time trying to be friends again?! Why was I ever excited with the prospect of learning more about him?! And most importantly, why did I even care that we decided not to ever speak again?! Then it hits me like a ton of bricks! 🧱 It's all just another unpleasant but necessary bump in the road. It could be one of those experiences that'll make me want to treat the next guy like dirt but then, maybe it's one of those unpleasant learning experiences that builds character and substance (at least, that's what I'm telling myself ). Maybe it'll help make me an even MORE awesome woman for the next guy. Maybe I just needed another subject for a blog entry. Who knows? It was after our blow-up that I started thinking about when I told my supervisor that I couldn't do anymore work and how much of a  little whining BITCH I felt like, when I said it. But then again, when I let myself "be taken there" (be vulnerable), look what happened? The heavens opened up and allowed me to think about other things, like that $400 the car shop is now ;trying to bleed from me. Oh well, I'm sure there's a $400 lesson there too, I just haven't learned it yet. Smooches! 💋

Posted : 2007-06-01 10:24:00 PM Created : 2007-06-01 07:24:00 PM Visible to : Public

Blog ID : 271350322