Originally posted December 9,2010
A song. A kiss. A smell. Inspiration can be found almost anywhere. I personally think I have an edge in the inspiration department because I can also be inspired by rotting road kill. 😮 Yes, you read that right, road kill. 💀 I think I even dedicated a whole "inspirational" blog to a dead armadillo I saw on my way to work one morning once. 😶 Seriously. 😳 I know that having a wide-ranging "vision of inspiration" isn't a totally unique gift 😀 but it's not exactly common either. 😜 Let me go on record here by stating that I'm a person that tends to think in the abstract but I try to express myself in the literal so that I'm more widely understood. So I hope I don’t lose you with this entry. 😒 My issue right now is that I'm finding the romantic relationship side of life extremely uninspiring. 😑 I'm not even gonna sit here and claim that all other facets of my life are exactly where I want them to be but I will confirm that those things aren't as confusing nor are they causing as much angst as the relationship angle (at the moment). 💔 I've written it before but it bears repeating, there aren't any relationships out there that I personally covet. While it's nice to see (reasonably) happy couples together, none of those relationships seem suitable for me. ⛔ I still think one of the cutest things in the world, is seeing an old couple walking hand-in-hand. Seeing old couples like that elicit a completely involuntary gummy smile from me and make me immediately think to myself, 'Aww, how adorable is that?!' 😍 Frankly, I wouldn't mind seeing myself as 1/2 of an old adorable couple but I can't really envision it in my head. 😞 I haven't decided if that means; A.) I'm not the great visionary I think myself to be. B.) I'll never find anyone appreciative enough of my eccentricities. Or C.) I'll die relatively young. 💀 I rarely compare myself to others but sometimes it's unavoidable because if you don't, you have nothing else to compare what's right for you and what's not. 😁 ? 😦 On an outing with my (happily married/ partnered) coworkers yesterday, I was asked if I had a special someone in my life. See, I'm not very demonstrative about my romantic life at work. 🙊 I'm not trying to hide anything, I just like to keep work issues relatively separate from personal ones, especially since my personal life is like a revolving door of semi-romantic prospects and most folks can't relate to that. 😕 Okay, that last sentence sounds MUCH worse than it is because most times I'm happily unattached. 💝 I just like to keep my options open, even when the proverbial well is bone dry. 💨 Anyway, my coy response to my coworkers' question was, "I like to have more than one special someone" but really, that's only partly true. I've never seriously dated more than one person at once, however, casual dating, idle flirtation or intense admiration are a whole other animal entirely. 😳 Let me clarify. What I mean is, no one is perfect so I tend to find little things I like in one person, then other little (or big) things in someone else I like and make myself my version of multi-person perfection. 💚💜💙 You'd be surprised how satisfying and sustaining that way of living can be but it can also get old because it takes so much energy to maintain. 😓 People say it all the time and it's true too; If one could take only the things they adore from a lot of different people they adore and combine them into one glorious creature, perfection would be imminent. 👀 Well I know that's not physically possible (yet), so I'm not naive enough to sit around waiting for "that perfect one" that just doesn't exist. 😭 Actually, some flaws can be worked around, while others can be admired. 😚 I'd be happy being with someone I'm 'happy' to be with 55% of the time, that gives me 45% of "me time". That's a pretty sweet deal, if you ask me. 💯 I guess because I measure "happiness" a little differently than some. I'm really mostly petrified of the feeling of being stuck in stagnancy. Doing the very same thing day after day, year after year. 😰 Yuck! The thought of living life in one straight, boring line ___😞makes...me...want...tooo... [Zzzzzz 💤😴] Oh sorry, dozed off there for a second. When I feel like this, no direction seems emotionally logical, they all seem equally dull and uninteresting. 😒 The feeling of being uninterested or bored with something/someone is pretty much the kiss of death to me. 💋 There really isn't a workable solution or suggestion for me to explore, I just have to simply 'get over it'. My chronic Uninspirationalosis is an incurable ailment but the flare-ups only come in spells and the attacks are usually relatively mild, just not today. 😉 Yes, my personality can seem spontaneously restless without much warning. ⚠ I don't usually see it coming, much less a potential partner. 👤 Yes, I don't want someone in my face 24/7 calling me every hour just to "see what I'm doing". 😐 I want love AND space. 💕 Yes, I'd much rather be alone than with someone that works my every nerve. I don't have any violent crimes on my record🧾, why start now? 😟 Yes, I wholeheartedly believe that the promise of being together FOREVER is a NOT prerequisite for having a happy life with someone special. 😍? Can't we just be happy together until we aren't? 💞 Though those particular points may not scream 'traditional relationship normality' to some, I don't think they're particularly bad points either. Realistically I suppose, until DNA-swapping human cloning or space travel become common practice, I'll have to find my mate in "the normal" population. 😔 (Daaaamn.) I probably wouldn't be so frantically frazzled and uninspired right now if the close of 2010 didn't come as such a shock. 😐 I mean, 2010 is almost over and I hardly remember it. 💭 Did I make any life progress? Am I floundering too much to find happiness? Am I just a creature from another planet that will never fully assimilate into regular humanoid earth life? 🌎 I just don't know the answer to those questions and that makes me a little scared at times. 😱 I'm not going to settle for the common-folk cope-out of just settling down and getting married to someone nice, popping out a couple of kids and living the "American Dream" because it's a little more to it than that for me. 😑 Who knows which way is right when "right" is relative, it's all in how you see it. 😳 I guess I have to continue to go with my gut until I strike oil or a sewer line.💣 And for the record, NO, I'm not at all "picky", just discerning. 😬 A person could throw a rock in any direction to find someone to just settle down with but to me, that feels like life regression, not progression. 👌 Who wants to voluntarily take on 100 plus pounds of dead weight where the only diet to lose it is divorce (or worse)? Not me, I struggle too hard to keep this medium-sized full-figure down to a manageable level. 😜 As the year speeds toward an unspectacular ho-hum end, I can take comfort in knowing my wide-ranging "vision of inspiration" has few limits. ∞ Though my love song has not yet been written, or at least finished, it's good to know that I live in Texas, were unhappy traffic collisions with critters abound. Fortunately for me, road kill can be found absolutely everywhere, so my inspiration may just lie in wait for me to discover in the rotting carcass of a roadside raccoon. 👀 Now, isn't that a romantic way to end this? 😕 Well, it is to me. 😁
