I'm exhausted both mentally and physically.
Thanks to my rough-and-tumble Momma and her Monster Truck, we three (Momma, Sis & I) were able to move some mighty large pieces of furniture to the new house yesterday. 🏠 Sis had always been willing to get movers but when you get us together as a unit, we rarely fail at whatever task we take on, though we've yet to tackle that ridiculously heavy, beautiful leather couch my dad bought us. Might have to relent on that one but we'll see. 😐The determination I've inherited through my bloodline has resulted in more than a few bad days but they don't even compare to the number of good days. Today is NOT a good day however. 🙁I'm experiencing another one of my infamous rough patches. ☹ At one particularly low point at work today, I excused myself to the restroom because I thought I was gonna burst into TEARS and I didn't want anybody to know.
I sat there in the stall, gathering all the strength I could to compose myself...and it took every last bit I had too. I sat there with my eyes closed😞, praying for the strength to hold the tears back and just "get over myself". 😒 It worked at that moment but I didn't get through the whole day without crying, hard. 😭 It's difficult to pinpoint one reason for my inconveniently abrupt bout of sadness because there are so many. But the bottom line is this: People can be so disappointing. 😓 It's really hard to believe in good things and good people when so MANY folks just plain suck, no matter how badly you don't want them to. It's depressing because I have so much hope and love in my heart but it all seems completely futile sometimes. 😩 It's almost impossible to stay positive when you realize that someone you care about is not only not worth the worry, but they're also not worth shit. 😫 I'm not even sure how to "properly" write this because the mere act of articulating this feeling is so draining to me. Yes me, the die-hard "write & release" Blog Queen. 👸🏾 I guess I'm just troubled in general. 🧍🏾♀️ Worse still, there seems to be no real refuge among family, friends or foes, there's a "hater" or "taker" in every group, which only makes sense if you're a FOE!
Sad. 😖 I don't mean to come off as annoyingly pessimistic ("too late") but it seems that some people seem to only look out for their own interests. "ME ME ME!" Disgusting. 🥴 Some folks don't want you to be happier than they are either and I'm just not like that at all. I want EVERYONE I care about (a little or a lot) to be as happy as they can possibly be and yes, even HAPPIER😊 than me if they can manage it (which shouldn't be too hard today). Most folks are just not like that though. 😐 I'm finding that sometimes, some of the very people you care about, secretly and subtlety want you to fail or fall in some small way if you seem to be flying a little too high 😶 Pathetic. 😑 There's competition and contempt everywhere I look and I just can't wrap my mind around it. 😡 I'm mad. I'm sad. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to curl up in a ball and sob uncontrollably. 
Thankfully, my slightly "exaggerated" mid section and chunky thighs make curling up in a ball virtually impossible. Plump. 🤮 That's positive right? 🤔It's hard to face the fact that maybe you're not as good a judge of character as you thought you were.
It's hard to have hope in your heart for people that simply aren't worth it. It's hard to accept that you had faith in people that only have faith in themselves. 😎 It's hard to stay positive when there are so many negative things happening around you...😟...but you have my solemn oath that I will try hard to restore some semblance of positivity in a society steeped in selfish pride. 🤨 Let me be clear; by no means am I referring to everyone but I have a whole heap of folks in mind. 🤯 I'm sure they know who they are too, or at least have an idea. 
(Hint: If you're seriously wondering if I'm talking about you, then I probably am.) I wish I could close out the whole world and take care of only myself. As attractive as selfish solitude sounds sometimes, it simply isn't me. 🤚🏾 As SICKENINGLY cliché as it sounds to me now, I know I'll get to a place where I have hope again. 🤞🏾 I realize that I won't always feel this way. 👌🏾 I accept that things may not actually be as bleak as they seem right now. 🙃 And I'm certain that all those things must start and end with me, that's the RIGHT way to have faith in yourself. 😘Let me wrap this up by simply admitting that though it's exceedingly tough to come to terms with a shamelessly selfish society plus family & friends that act like foes, I'll be fine. 😗 I always am. 😁 I'm just a little bothered right now.
I mean really, that would bother any descent person. 
I'm nothing if not profoundly descent, except for my obscenely profane mouth and periodic penchant for pornography. 🤭♥ U
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