Chauny's Pity Party *MySpace Archive

Originally Posted : 2006-10-05

Category : Life
Blog 21

Chauny's Pity Party

The universe is confusing and upsetting me right now. The week started off really good. I had a nice visit with my new friend on Sunday night. Followed by Monday night, in which I saw a couple of really awesome performances by my friend Tahiti (the "T" in PPT) at The Gypsy Tea Room and the Spike Club (both located in Dallas). Considering my age and work schedule, I didn't have any business going out on Monday night but it was all well worth it. 😁 I danced almost all my make-up off! And though I was dealing with some real "body" issues, with regard to my energy level the next day, things were going pretty good. Then Tuesday and Wednesday roll in and all of a sudden, I can't help but feel as though I'm not getting what I need out of life. I'm extremely irritated by things that I would normally let roll off my back. I'm feeling unappreciated and unfulfilled. 😔 My efforts, my attempts at being graceful, caring and considerate are not being met with the type of appreciation I feel I deserve I know you want specifics-but I won't offer you any). The absence of good, old fashioned good manners is driving me crazy. People aren't saying "please”, "thank you" and "I appreciate all you do for me", and while that ALWAYS annoys me, right now, it's making me want to pick up a brick and "go to town" on someone's head! 🧱  Don't worry or maybe worry a lot) because this has nothing to do with PMS. I know, I'm on this "self pity" trip that's very likely to not be an issue tomorrow but since it's lasted for more than two days, I felt it important enough to record it here for the sake of prosperity. Frankly speaking, I know I have layers that are not particularly flattering. I have been known to have quite a temper 🤬  (which has diminished greatly  with age-just ask my family), I can sometimes be hypersensitive, detached and aloof. 🥺  Hey, I'm continuously working on those things. But as a whole, I think there are far more positive things about me, than negative. However, you should take that statement with a "grain of salt" considering that claim is coming from me, about me 🧍🏾‍♀️When I (allow myself to) think about it, I'm really in great shape. I have wonderfully unique and talented family and friends, I have a job I like and a home life that I adore. I'm also healthy, relatively young and some even find me attractive. I'm just feeling a little down right now. ☹️ I'm just waiting for this phase to pass so I can feel good and positive again. I know these negative "stages" never last too long for me. To remedy the issue, I just need to enjoy a little solitude and self-reflection and all will be well soon. It's just in the stars for me to have my turn at feeling down. Mostly everyone has days like these, the important thing is how you handle them. Do you sit around and do nothing, in a daze, scarfing down Bon-Bons and feeling sorry for yourself? Or, do you get up and do something that'll make you feel better, like recording your feelings in a blog (to get it off your chest) and find some things that'll lift your spirits? I choose to "do something". As it stands, I have a great weekend lined up. A gorgeous and talented friend of mine will be performing (singing) in Addison Friday night and I think she'll rock the house! I KNOW she'll rock the house! After that, I'm hoping the stars will send me some wild, passionate nights to be the "cherry on top" of a wonderful weekend. 🍧 But that's probably just some wishful thinking, I hope not though. 🍒  At any rate, you'll know what's going on with me when I know. Hugs and Kisses!

Posted : 2006-10-05 08:43:00 AM Created : 2006-10-05 09:01:00 AM Visible to : Public

Blog ID : 176525939

Chunky Chauny *MySpace Archive

Originally Posted : September 27, 2006 
Category : Life
Blog 20

Chunky Chauny

Well, this past weekend (Saturday night) got about as "crunk" as it could get. I've been taking the last few days to decide whether or not I should include the sultry/ steamy details of an impromptu gathering at my house Saturday. 😁💦 I've pondered many things, including how I and my cohorts would be viewed after exposing some of the 'personal' details of that night. While I'm not usually prone to being persuaded by what the masses think, I've decided to protect the (somewhat) innocent by just leaving that subject alone entirely. I will say this though, Saturday was the most fun I'd had in a while and I'm VERY blessed to have the friends I have. 💖 And to borrow the sentiment expressed by a good friend of mine that night; "What happens at Chauny's house, stays at Chauny's house”. 🤐 Subject closed. Now, in an attempt to divert your attention to something else, I want to talk about something that I've been pretty pissed about lately. I want to talk about my weight. Yes, you read that right! Over the past 2 years, I've made certain life-style changes that allowed me to lose almost 100 pounds. 🍪🍩🍰🚫 Now, I'd always been considered a cute chunky girl and I really didn't have any huge self confidence issues but I definitely thought it was time to make a change. That change would hopefully influence very important people in my life, which it has, that alone makes the drastic lifestyle change worth it. I'm proud to say that in the past 2 years, I was brought down from a hefty size 18/ 20 (maybe 20/22) to a size 10/ 12. I realize that 10/ 12 isn't exactly petite but it's okay with me. It also seems to agree with my rather large 5 foot 8 inch frame. However (to my absolute horror), I'm finding now that in weight loss advertisements, the BEFORE size is now 10 and the AFTER size is like 4. What tha hell??? 😳 What happened to starting off at a size  26 and getting down to a size 14? When the heck did "10" become the size of a morbidly obese person worthy of being the BEFORE size on a weight loss commercial? That really irks me!!! 😠 My research suggests that the average American woman wears a size 14 (though I don't know the average height of the average American woman). Do you know what I'd look like if I wore a size 4? Given that I'd always been teased about the size of my head (and I don't think I'd lose much weight there), I figured I'd look something like a chocolate-flavored Blow Pop. Not a pleasant visual I don't mind telling you. Until just recently, I'd been very impressed with the women represented in today's commercials; regular looking, chunky, average..the way most of us actually are. I'd even gotten a little excited at Milan's very recent decision to ban models from the catwalk that were too skinny. Milan says that the fashion industry has a responsibility to also represent a more realistic picture of the women of the world. Then comes these dad-gum commercials suggesting size 10 as the old size 20 (kinda like age 30 being the new 20 I guess).  This just plain stinks and it's positively unfair! I have to say that I'd always found myself fortunate to have come from a culture where skinny=sick (usually). 🤢 Fortunately, there are a great many brothas out there that appreciate a big booty or a "healthy" woman. In my community, when someone loses a whole lot of weight, the first question that's asked of them is, "Were you sick or something?" 🤒 I even remember a friend of mine in college telling me that he preferred Ethel Mertz to Lucy Ricardo because Ethel was the thick and fine one. That's (primarily) the attitude in African-American society. But I don't just live in Black America, I live in America. All my effort of giving up sugar entirely (which I would imagine would be like giving up crack cocaine), banning elevators at work and generally just watching everything I eat, has all seemed like a colossal waste of time. I'll just have to reluctantly accept the old adage that 'you can never be too rich or too thin'. However, if you could actually visualize a 5 foot 8 inch Chocolate Blow Pop with big eyes👀, hair and teeth lurking around, (ultimately) you may not agree with the "not be too thin" part of that adage.

Posted : 2006-09-27 08:43:00 AM Created : 2006-09-27 10:57:00 AM Visible to : Public

Blog ID : 173261843

Generic Relationship Ramblings... *MySpace Archive

Originally Posted : September 20, 2006
Category : Romance and Relationships
Blog 19

Generic Relationship Ramblings...

The weekend was far from uneventful. Friday, I went and saw a friend in a play (he was EXCELLENT by the way). That day, I was feeling lazy and less than enthusiastic about going but once I got there, I really enjoyed myself. Then begins Saturday. Leaving out all the mundane  weekend details, I'll just say that I had interesting 'interactions' with my last two exes (they just keep coming back huh?) And some warm fuzzy feelings, with regard to my new friend. I must confess that the most interesting stuff happened VERY early Saturday morning though. That's when the relationship drama began to unfold. At almost 7A on Saturday, I get a call from my ex. 📱😐 Keep in mind, this is the ex that I hadn't actually spoken with since maybe July.(?) For a few months now, I hadn't been accepting any of his calls and he hadn't been leaving any voice mails. He'd go nuts calling over and over (with maybe a minute in between each call) and then, after getting no reaction from me, he'd stop for a few weeks. Well Saturday, with an equal mix of sleepiness and curiosity, I decided I would go ahead and answer his call. I simply said, "hello" with that gravely "morning" voice you'd expect from the very first words spoken that day. 🥱 From there, there was a volcano of words (apologies and sweet, unsaid sentiments) spewing from his mouth as if he expected me to hang up on him mid-sentence (I'd done it many times before). He was going a mile a minute assuring me that he knew it was all his fault and that he'd never cared about anyone the way he cared for me and that if he'd demonstrated more patience with his anger (attitude problems) he feels certain things would have worked out differently for us. I told him it wasn't just one incident that made me feel differently about him. He said he knew that and he wishes there was a way to take it all back and start over. He asked me if it'd be okay for him to call me. I told him that I'd prefer to call him (not the other way around). He then asks me if I'd actually call him. I told him that I didn't know. I'm thinking, Dang! I just answered the phone (after all these months) and listened to your volcanic verbal diarrhea and you're already trying to boss me around (again)! He can't just let things go at a purposely decelerated pace, he wants answers NOW, which I don't have to tell you was part of the problem in the first place. Even after telling him that I didn't want him calling me, he didn't wait a whole day before he started calling anyway. First, he called a few hours later while I was having a nice, pleasant visit with my mommy. Then he calls later that evening (from a number I didn't recognize but I knew it was him). As a matter of fact, being at work just 2 hours, he called three times! Now I ask you, does this situation have all the trappings of a Happily Ever After ending? I think not! I haven't actually talked to him yet (since early Saturday) but I think I'm going to reiterate that he's coming at me too fast. I'm going to tell him the truth, that I'm not ready to go back to him and I'm not sure I ever will be. Frankly, dealing with him is  exhausting and I just don't have the spare energy to deal with him right now. Then, Saturday evening, I saw my 2nd ex. 🙄 He hadn't been 'at my spot' for a few weeks so I figured he found some other place to hang out. This was the one from my Chauny, You're a Real B*tch! blog entry, the one that needed to be harshly kicked from my inner circle. Anyway, I saw my ex's best friend come in, so I knew he'd be close behind (he was). His best friend came up to me and my sis to exchange hugs and pleasantries. My ex didn't come over or say anything to me or my sis and pretty much kept a safe distance away from us. It was kind of sad the way he tried to look everywhere but in our direction. It was a real entertaining show though! 🤭 About 45 minutes after them coming in, his best friend came up to me with a very serious look on his face and asked if he could talk to me about something important outside. I'm thinking, 'Crap, is he going to get on my case for being unfair and heartless? I feel a definite relationship lecture coming on!' Anyway, he asked me to sit down and told me he wanted a woman's point-of-view about something he was going through. Whew! He asked me if I remembered him talking to me about this girl he used to date. I tried to be polite as I told him I didn't think I did (it turns out he spoke to my sis about it). Anyway, I listened and gave him my best woman's advice. We talked for about 15/20 minutes and as we got up to go back in the club, he tells me, "You know Chauny, I don't know what happened between you and him (my ex) but he really messed up!" He goes on to say that he thinks I'm very attractive and intelligent and he can't figure why (he) would want to mess up what we had. I hugged and thanked him for his kind words and I walked back in with him. I'm thinking he and his best friend 'had words' later that night because they both left about 20 minutes after we came back in. The best friend didn't come by to tell us he was leaving (which he'd always done before) so I figure they left rather abruptly. My sis thought that maybe my ex thought the best friend was going to talk to me on his behalf  but when he found out it was for his own personal issue, he was probably a little pissed. Honestly, I don't think the best friend even really wanted my point-of-view, I think he just wanted me to know that he didn't want to be kicked out (of the inner circle) because of what happened between me and you-know-who! It made me feel good. It made me feel like someone really appreciated my 'uniqueness' and eccentricities (or weirdness). 👽 Anyway, I see from the length of this that I'm rambling again...with no discernible point. Sorry about that! So, I better cut this short (too late). More to come...promise. 🤚🏾

Posted : 2006-09-20 01:50:00 PM Created : 2006-09-20 02:31:00 PM Visible to : Public

Blog ID : 170390245

My Monthly Monster *MySpace Archive

Originally Posted : 2006-09-15 11:54:00 AM
Category : Life
Blog 18

My Monthly Monster

Hello good  MySpace folk! I'm going through a weird "thing" today. Sadly it isn't an unusual occurrence...it's a monthly one. 🥵 You know what I mean! I don't want to be gross or anything but I'm in the mood to share.🩸I suppose it's commonly thought that most women go through their monthly PMS (bad) moods. 😡 I feel like I'm the only one because I don't know any women, personally, that act bitchy around that time, just me! Though you may have a different perspective. In addition to just feeling crappy, I find myself being totally and completely candid when it isn't warranted or solicited. Take last night, I got to enjoy a short, pleasant visit with one of my new friends. Since knowing each other, we've been pretty sweet to one another..hug "hello" or "goodbye" but last night I guess I didn't really want to be touched at all. I hadn't even realized that I was behaving like that until a few minutes of small talk with him in the kitchen and he quietly remarked, "Don't I even get a hug hello or anything?" I apologized and complied of course. 😒 I didn't purposely want to not hug him but as I try to remember all of the details of last night, I guess I was  sort of passively-aggressively moving about the kitchen to avoid physical contact. I'm remembering now how I made a few remarks about getting sick of the sight of someone after a week. He admitted he had that problem too but I think he probably wanted some small assurances from me that I wasn't referring to him (I really wasn't). I enjoy his company and I think he's extremely attractive, it's just that about the same time every month...NO ONE is attractive to me! I just now remembered that while I was walking him out, he remarked that he liked my cooking and it was nice for a girl to be able to cook better than him. He also said that once he dated a girl that stopped seeing him because he cooked better than she did. While I'm not discounting that may have been the actual reason, I gave him an unsolicited alternative reason. I told him, "It probably wasn't your good cooking, I think she just didn't like you!" He then 'woundedly' agreed that that may have been the actual reason too. Now usually, I'm not like that. I'm very polite and considerate of people's feelings. When I go through these monthly "Mr(s). Hyde'' phases, I can't even completely remember everything I say to people. I'm just remembering some of my less than lady-like behavior now. Ya know, that happened to me in college once (that I can remember). You may already know this but when you first go off to college and you share your room with someone that isn't family, it takes some adjusting. Fortunately, when I first left for college at 17, I roomed with someone from my hometown. But one day in particular, I was having an  extra bad 'period' day. 😠 And I faintly remember this, I told her that sometimes when I look at her, I just want to pick up something and smash her head in! I was completely and totally serious. I remember her being a little shocked at my admission and I don't really remember her doing/saying anything to provoke it...I just came out of me! Purely unadulterated, unsolicited, unapologetic and supreme meanness! I could tell that I'd hurt her feelings when she innocently asked me the next day if I were feeling better. I told her I was and she reminded me of unkind words the previous day. Of course, I profusely apologized for my insensitivity but I knew then, that this Monthly Monster🩸would never fully be under my control. Oh well, a person can't be all sweetness and light all the time. And while it might seem stereotypical or sexist, I'll say this (purely as a warning), if I look you dead in your eyes and make an uncharacteristically off-color, horribly mean remark/comment to or about you, assume that I'm dealing with my Monthly Monster🩸and please forgive me. Unless, of course, you just get the sense (intuition) that I just plain can't stand you, in which case, go with that  and leave me the hell alone!!!

Posted : 2006-09-15 11:54:00 AM Created : 2006-09-15 01:08:00 PM Visible to : Public

Blog ID : 168352996

You're A Poser, Farce and Hypocrite! *MySpace Archive

Originally Posted: September 6, 2006
Category : Romance and Relationships
Blog 16

You're A Poser, Farce and Hypocrite!

Well, I'd been taking a break from this whole therapeutic blog thang to get some things (thoughts and concerns) together. There have been some things that have happened recently to suggest that September will be a very interesting month. Full of danger, passion and intrigue! With that in mind, I'm reflecting on an earlier blog entry of mine (Sorry Dude, You're Not Tall Enough) in which I admitted that I'm open to new types of people, with regard to romance.❤ With the 'recent' events, however, I find that I'm testing myself in just how far I'm willing to go with this newfound philosophy. Case in point, there's a stunningly attractive young man that I've been occasionally conversing with. I find him very interesting, smart, mature and quick-witted (all the good stuff). I can't say that here have been any real or overt romantic overtures with him but because of him, I find myself wondering just how far off the beaten path I'm willing to stroll. Take for instance AGE. I talk BIG about how enlightened and uninhibited  I am in considering a mate but seriously, how young is  too young?  I know all that jazz about 'age ain't nothin but a number' blah, blah, blah but there has to be a limit, right? I'm now 35, so how much younger than that am I willing to go?  Don't worry, I'm not talking Mary Kay Letourneau young 👶🏾-I'm talking LEGAL. 🤏🏾 Let's be frank about something else too. The 'age thing' isn't as looked-down upon with an older man-younger woman scenario but we're still having some problems digesting the younger man-older woman situation. When a young hottie tries to holla at me, suggesting that I should consider giving a 'younger man' a try, I feel a little...oogy. 🥺 I simply tell them that considering myself an older woman at the tender age of 35 is a mortifying thought! After all, 30 is the new 20! So, as I go on this journey of self-expression, preservation and all that other psychological bull crap, I'm reexamining what my actual limits are. I'm concerned that I'm a little too old fashioned and rigid to accept too many variations on romance. 🤔 I'm concerned that my newfound discovery of 'my limits' make me a poser, farce and hypocrite . I don't want to be uptight and anxious! I need to relax and see what the future holds for me, that's just easier said than done. I know you're wondering what the hell the real story is behind today's blog. However, I can't divulge all the juicy details at this early stage but I feel relatively certain that I'll have some interesting things to share with you later. I just didn't want another day to go by without my sharing something personal with you. Until next time...Smooches XOXO!

Posted : 2006-09-06 12:32:00 PM Created : 2006-09-06 12:44:00 PM Visible to : Public

Blog ID : 164746128

Add Something or YOU’RE FIRED!!! *MySpace Archive

Originally Posted : August 31, 2006

Category : Life
Blog 15

Add Something or YOU’RE FIRED!!!

Emotionally, I'm drained. Drained from the 'work events' of yesterday. Around 10A yesterday, our manager had a meeting with us about 'a new direction' the company was planning on taking. From the somber mood of our manager, we knew exactly what that meant. 😬 She told us that some people in our group had their positions eliminated that morning. She also told us our vice president would have a meeting with everyone in our department later on that morning to explain how upcoming changes would affect every work group. I'm sure you're familiar with that sickening feeling you get when you know bad news is on the way. 😟 As it turns out, our (immediate) group would change managers and I would once again have the manager I had before I got a promotion to my current position. With the great company I work for, I'd been through two previous rounds of 'mass' lay-offs (or restructuring) and here I sit. I'm grateful and blessed to say that I and people in my immediate group kept their jobs. 😔 We were also told that since our particular group ran smoothly, efficiently and with very little 'supervision', our day-to-day routines probably wouldn't change very much (which is very good news). Yesterday, there was a lot of crying and uncertainty .😭 There were a lot of good people that I knew and liked that lost their jobs yesterday. And while it was extraordinarily stressful,  it was also enlightening. If you really think about it, for a company to stay profitable, competitive and 'ahead of the game', it's smart for it to keep reevaluating what it's needs are. There were people yesterday that lost their jobs because their positions or abilities became obsolete in a constantly changing environment. You have to show that you can change and develop no matter what direction the 'higher-ups' choose to take. You have to show a company that you're an asset, not a liability otherwise why on Earth would they want to pay you? Hence, the other reason why yesterday was enlightening. Yesterday, I thought about how much 'the work events' paralleled with personal life (or at least it should). What good is being with someone that doesn't add to your life? Why share your energy and effort with someone you don't gain anything from? And I don't mean just monetarily, I mean everything… emotionally, physically and spiritually. I'm thinking, if we're smart, we should always be looking for ways to improve our lives, always evaluating what's (or who's) useful and who isn't. Anyone of worth (or worth your time) should be able to add something to your life, given that you also have something to add to theirs of course. As I said before, yesterday was filled with a lot of crying and uncertainty. But now I see, for me at least, it was also filled with  promise. If I keep this current attitude/philosophy, that all parties need to bring something good to the table, I should end up with a happy and content life. My choices are simple; one, be by myself and be happy and content with the knowledge that I'm not saddled with someone that detracts from my life (someone I have to constantly take care of) or two, I could end up with someone that adds great dimension to my life (someone that takes care of me). Those are not bad options, as I see it. That's arguably a win-win situation in my book. 🕮 And at the risk of sounding arrogant, I'll also say this, I know (hope) that whoever I end up with, will get everything he needs (and wants) with me. If I choose the right one, that is. I'm very generous with all of me, (well, most of me, I'll have to keep some of myself for myself). I don't have a problem with doing the things I need to do, to make my man happy, if he makes me happy. I like giving my 'good stuff' to someone deserving (you'd have to be with me to know what the 'good stuff' is). 😉 I'll always try to give something back, I'll always be 'evaluating' whether I'm an asset or a liability to this person I love. I think that's a very good position for my prospective 'partner' to be in. I mean really and truly, who could ask for more than that? 😁

Posted : 2006-08-31 05:10:00 AM Created : 2006-08-31 07:54:00 AM Visible to : Public

Blog ID : 162249331