Category : Romance and Relationships
Blog 9
Chauny, You’re a Real B*tch!
OH, What I Night! 😳 Saturday night/Sunday morning was interesting considering I was faced with 'remnants' of the last two relationships I spoke of in my previous blog entry. 💻 First, I saw my last ex at a place I usually go to unwind. I actually met him there but I know he keeps going there in hopes that we'll reconnect somehow. However, the last time I saw him (weeks after our break-up), I pulled him to the side, to a quiet spot, and asked if I did something to offend him because he was acting a little 'funky'. Sort of cold, uncaring and trying hard to act like he was having a good time without me (when it was plainly a manufactured good time, my friends remarked). He then reminded me that I said that I didn't want him, so he was just doing what he needed to do to get through things. He even left that night with some broad that he knew from before. Not to sound big-headed or cocky but I knew he was doing it for my benefit. Maybe hoping that I would stop him on his way out the door and profess my undying love for him and that I'd been acting like a complete fool for not seeing how wonderful we are together. Yeah Right!!! Maybe in my 20s but nothing remotely like that could happen now. I don't go back, so to speak, if there's nothing mutually beneficial to go back to. Once I decide something in the 'romantic realm', I pretty much stick to it. And even if I did have an occasion to believe (after that fact) that I made a mistake (which has yet to happen), I'm not likely to change my mind. I would just resign myself to living with my choice (poor or not). Anyway, after that night (that I pulled him aside), I was upset not because he decided to move on (I think he needs to) but it was the way he in which he tried to 'let me know he's moving on'. Trying to be cold and uncaring in an embarrassingly awkward, passive-aggressive manner. Thing is, I understand the part about needing to try to separate yourself emotionally from someone you deeply care about. But I don't understand how a person can decide being a complete d*ck is the way to go when you KNOW you'll want to connect with that person again. Before 'things' came to this, we agreed after the break-up that we would remain friends and still do stuff together. But apparently being friends wasn't good enough, so I decided to go one better, why even be friendly at all?. Saturday night I decided I just couldn't give him any of my good stuff anymore. No friendly glance or small talk. I decided at that moment that, for his benefit, I would have to show him that though God never blessed me with the actual equipment, I could be a bigger d*ck than him. So, as we shared the same dance floor (dancing with our own partners) he gave me a big, welcoming smile as if to say "let's give it another try". I just gave him the 'two fingers up' Peace Sign and never gave him another significant look. ✌🏾Though I couldn't be so heartless as to stare at him after my cold, uncaring gesture, I could tell from my occasional, inconspicuous glances his way, that I'd stepped on that last bit of hope he had for us. The peculiar thing is that if he hadn't tried to "show me", I would've considered reconnecting with him at a later date. There was actually material there for a mutually beneficial exchange (relationship), after I'd experienced some things for (and by) myself. I had always been completely open and honest with him but he didn't appreciate that. We could've kept the lines of communication open and friendly but he didn't play fair. So, he needed to be harshly kicked from my inner circle. I knew deep down he would've never expected that. But as they say, "that's the way the cookie crumbles". The second 'connection' was actually from friends of my 2nd ex. Come to think of it, I met him at the same place! This second ex was the 'bug-a-boo' from my LEAVE ME ALONE blog entry. 😡 They (his friends) just gave me the Evil Eye 👁️ (or dagger eyes) from across the club as I cavorted with new and interesting people I met that night. To them, I'm sure I seemed like a heartless wench that crushed their poor friend's heart and self esteem with no good reason at all. But they didn't know all the logistics of how our relationship soured. Or maybe they did and just thought I should've stuck it out a bit longer. I don't suffer from the 'Til Death Do Us Part syndrome if I'm not even married to the person! 'Til Death Do Us Part syndrome is when we 'hang in there' no matter what). A lot of people stick it out (or put up with awful behavior) because they don't want to be alone. With that thought, I'm reminded of my two favorite relationship cliches, "I can do bad by myself" and "we reap what we sow". Anyway, you already know the story with the bug-a-boo, he got exactly what was coming to him. He earned himself a very stable, well-deserved position on the Out List. As I write this, I'm sure you're reading, thinking I'm an arrogant, self-absorbed b*tch that thinks she's all that. But nothing could be further from the truth. In regular life, I'm a very caring, thoughtful person that has no illusions about even my appearance. Hey, my look isn't for everyone, I know that. I also know that in this blog, I'm including only small excerpts/chapters from the ChaunBaby Book of (Love) Life, as a form of romantic therapy (which I have to say is working). At any rate, here I sit purposely single and free from relationship ulcers. What's next for me? Who can say?! Whatever it is, I know it'll be interesting. I'll be sure to keep you posted!
Posted : 2006-08-14 06:52:00 AM Created : 2006-08-14 07:08:00 AM Visible to : Public
Blog ID : 155677867
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