Queen of Mean

What can I say? Today has just been one of those days. I'm feeling abnormally aggressive right now and I'm not sure what to do about it.  Everything is working my last nerve. Though I'm normally able to treat irritating situations with a bit more patience and grace, today I'm completely devoid of those attributes. I wanna karate chop the back of the knees of that old dude that jumped out in front of me on the road, in his Sanford & Son truck, only to resume his 20 MPH speed limit. I wanna throw my big screen monitor at people that send me ridiculously long e-mails, but only if it connects. Let the bleeding begin! I wanna shove my fist down the throat of that ever-jabbering friend that never 'gets to the point' (quickly). (Jabber, jabber, jabber...Huh? Wait, what? You're STILL talking?!) I find myself saying, texting and writing little barbs to instigate fights. And really, when my "love for humanity" filter is turned off, you don't want to get into a verbal or written sparring match with me because you won't win.  Not only will you not win, but you're likely to leave the fight deeply hurt and questioning your importance in life. I can intelligently cuss you out 20 ways to Sunday before you even realize you've been insulted.  Yep, I'm THAT good...or bad or whatever you want to call it.

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Okay, straight up, here's the deal on me today; I'm mad that I'm hungover (daily). I'm steamed that a surprising number of my family & friends still haven't congratulated me on my new home. (I'D be really happy for YOU, so you can go s...I'd better stop there.)  I'm annoyed that my allergies make me look like I have a raging case of Pink Eye Herpes. (Yuck!) I'm peeved that my food took so long to come out at lunch (I made them pay by swiping a heaping handful of free Splenda™ packets though). I'm irritated that the guy with the big, juicy girl-booty is wearing his dress slacks so tight and high-up. (That just ain't right y'all.) I'm pissed that my outfit today has me looking like the ghetto version of Pee-Wee Herman with an eating disorder. (I'm hungover...remember?)  Shit, I hate that I even have to walk anywhere, why can't my big azz just be carried everywhere I want to go? (Time to invest in a Hoveround™ I guess.) I'm sure I'll get over it...after I punch something or someone.  I suppose its good that I realize my overly aggressive tendencies today are not okay or even normal.  Moreover, I'm doing my best to stay away from the people I truly care about until I'm in a better place emotionally. Hell, now that I've actually expressed my deep desire to punch, pervert and pulverize, I actually feel a lot better. I wish I was one of those Gym Heads that can let off steam with a great workout but that just ain't me.  Besides fighting, blogging is the only way I know how to blow off steam. Actually, when I think about it, my fingers are quite toned because of it. I'll just sit my toned-fingered, chunky butt in this comfortable azz chair and shove as many carb-free goodies as I can into my face.  And yes, I'm mad about that too but I'm also full. Trust me, I'm MUCH meaner when I'm hungry. So I guess things are already looking up and I didn't even have to punch anybody...yet.

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Exfoliate, Rinse, Release & Repeat

This'll be uber short (for me). I promise. I'm not sure if it was tedium, frustration, sadness or disappointment that prompted it, but I woke up this morning with a burning desire to emotionally exfoliate. Itching to flick away the irrelevant & unnecessary, I began to "electronically" address some long-standing negativity while still soaking wet from my morning shower. It's a wonder I didn't electrocute myself. No matter how far I think I've come with schlepping the "dead skin" (aka dead weight) from my life in order to move forward, some sudden emotion or memory drags me back into the dark abyss of a sometimes painful past. "I can't do this anymore. I just can't" I whisper to myself. The peculiar thing is, there are a lot of 'other' unhealthy elements of my past that I can move past without so much as looking back. However other, more difficult, elements from the past are too hard to not be repetitiously and profoundly haunted, influenced and saddened by. Oh well, no use getting worked up about the past since I can't change it...until time travel becomes available to the general population. I'll just try to let the negative feelings wash off of me like the shower water after a hard day's work. At any rate, today is not the day to take abrupt action on the heels of such hurtful memories. Today should be a day for quiet reflection, though I wish I'd come to that conclusion before I 'electronically addressed' some dead weight issues this morning with as much profanity as I could reasonably fit into two sentences.  NO, I take that back, I'm happy to get some long-overdue, unsaid things off my chest.  I actually feel a little relieved to be so brutally frank at the most serene part of my day; my melodically quiet mornings. I guess if I "go there" so early in the morning, I must REALLY mean what I say and that there isn't any turning back. (And for me, there isn't.) "Gotta stay positive. Gotta stay positive. Gotta stay positive and it will all work out fine" I keep chanting to myself.  As a matter of fact, right in the middle of formulating this very entry, mere seconds after deciding to take that positive road, I got WONDERFUL news about someone I l♥ve with all my heart.  I can't help but believe that a small portion of that was simply deciding not to allow myself to get lost in the "bad stuff".  Periodic emotional exfoliation, by writing or some other healthy outlet, is so imperative for a clear state of mind and positive well-being. Whew! I feel better now. See how good this write & release shit is?  I can't imagine any legal or illegal substance making me feel this good after feeling so bad mere hours before. If I could package this good literary therapy and distribute it (for free) to all those in need of a fix, I'd do it without regret. On the flip side, I'm guessing that "distributing" something more illegally enticing would be far more financially lucrative, so I may have to take back that "without regret" part if I can't pay my next internet access bill.

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UPDATE!

Holy Crapload! Look at my horoscope for the next day (time zone difference).
It was Spot on to!


Your horoscope for February 17, 2011  
 
  Try to come to a place of serenity today, in which you free yourself from desire and jealousy. It is important that you take time to recognize the incredible growth that can spring forth from this position of calm and pure satisfaction. Rid yourself of excess baggage that you cling to as some sort of support or means of comfort. The less you carry, the more you free up your arms to create.

(Hell yeah!)