Urgh! My horn is beginning to protrude (again)! I look like a mythical creature from somebody’s bad dream. ðī As you may already know, I’m prone to stress breakouts. ðĪĒ I have always been that way and probably always will be. Oh well, at least people have a visual aid of how I’m feeling without having to ask me. Heck, that’s a distinct advantage to me and the inquiring party. Disappointed smile Truth be told, I have tons of things going on right now that are severely stressing me out; Familial, financial, personal, emotional…you name it. If it ends with “al”, I’m going through it. (Yeah, even “mythical“.) The only issues I feel strong enough to tackle today though, are the personally emotional ones…at least some of them anyway. ðĨķ
It’s tragically comical. Almost as quickly as it began, it was over. (Exactly one month to the day in fact.) Sadly, of that four week span, there was only one real week of pure, unadulterated, dreamy romantic bliss (for me). ðĨĩ Funny thing is, that one month fairytale love story was actually 20 years in the making (long story). ⏳ I didn’t want it as much back then and though the years have had a profound effect on my maturity level, the other party wasn’t so lucky. Or, maybe we are both just on two different pages…out of two different books. ð I really don’t know and it doesn’t matter anyway. Just keep it moving. ð I woke up at about 3AM this morning not only willing to confront the issues with this burnt-out, busted up relationship but INTENT on confronting them. ð And I did! Albeit through wimpy voicemail. ðē
I’ve written it before but it’s 100% true about me; I’m equal parts emotional and logical. ☹️=ðĪ Now, you can imagine how Jekyll and Hyde that could make one’s personality appear but it’s the way I was born, no use crying about it now. ð The advantage of being that way is my innate ability to calmly pull myself out of emotionally-charged situations that won’t lead anywhere positive, even if I’m the one that emotionally-charged them. ð Who me? I can firmly tell my broken heart Broken heart “Shut your silly, girly azz up and get on with it DAMMIT!” ðĪŽ I was all broken up about this yesterday and today, I’m feeling surprisingly good. Thumbs up That is, until another one of my 15 other overly emotional personalities return. ðĨļ Fact is, no matter how distraught I get, I always find myself back to the Logical Land of Me. ð§ðū♀️ ALWAYS. Hey, being with me might not be easy but it sure as hell ain’t boring. ð― You can take that last sentence to the bank and ca$h it. ðĪ
Frankly, I’ve been in a couple of relationships longer than I should have been. ðĪŠ I guess then, I tended to cling to the periodically emotionally-detached types because I didn’t want to face the fact that I chose poorly and I’d become a failure because of it. I didn’t want to give up control. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I wasted so much of my precious time on someone not worth a minute of it. ðĄ But as I’ve come to learn, those experiences have helped shape the woman I am today (and I’m pretty awesome y’all ). So when I went back and examined my previous fears related to staying in ridiculously fruitless unions, I realized that I only failed myself by accepting less than I deserved. I let myself be controlled by my own unwillingness to let go. I didn’t waste my time because I now have a much clearer picture of what I DON’T want.ðĪðū And I don’t care who you are, you have to admit that those are enviable insights that I didn’t have to waste my whole lifetime to learn. Sweet! ð
I don’t have a definitive reason for writing today other than to purge a little personal emotional stress, the only thing I have complete control over. ð When I woke up this morning, I was willing to permanently sever ties with anyone causing me undue discomfort. ðĨīI was willing to never again speak to anyone that took more than they gave. And you know what else? That prospect didn’t concern me one single solitary bit. In my mind, anyone not willing to join me on my love train♥ could go straight to Hell. As I write though, I feel a lot less authoritatively final on those folks. I mean, I can’t see myself ever dealing with fractured folk in the foreseeable future. Nope, no way in Hades. ðŋ But maybe in time, I’ll have enough empathy in my heart to meet up with my friends, family and foes, to see if they’ve become a little less selfish and a little more self-less as they’ve aged. Love interests? Not so much. In that case, the dead should just stay buried.
I have no plans to go backwards. ⛔ What’s done is done and it shall stay that way. Leave your snidely pompous negativity, in whatever form it takes, at the threshold of my door or don’t you dare come in…EVER! If that means I’ll never set my big, cartoon eyes on you again, so be it. ð That includes lovers, haters and everyone in-between. I can’t have secretly unsupportive back-biters and passive-aggressive haters in my midst. ðĪ I’ll never again put up with that sh!t. Honestly. I know it’s not everybody’s thing but I sometimes read my horoscope to see if they ‘touch’ on what I happen to be going through at that particular moment. ♋ I’d say today’s horoscope was pretty accurate. Here’s an excerpt:
♥My Love Tarot Card for Friday, May 27♥
“…Remember that you have options. You are a survivor, able to deal with the flaws of your partner and the cold shoulder from those who see your values as unusual or suspect. Either may be putting a strain on your love life. You can find strength in adversity, so don’t be too quick to curse your lot. Be willing to face the unknown hardships for the sake of future improvements, growth and acceptance. Soon you will be in a place where you can express yourself fully. For better or worse, you may still have each other as well as your faith that some good can come of this.”
Yep, The Stars got it right this time but next time, my horoscope will probably read that The Rapture really did happen on May 21, 2011 and I was the president of Estonia (Russia) at the time of it. ✴️ It’ll probably claim that I didn’t consciously know those two things because I’m actually living my life in the dream world. ðŧ Who knows. You take some truth from here and there until you compose the big picture, which can take a lifetime. Come to think of it, I guess that whole Rapture/ President of Estonia thing could actually be true. I mean, how could anyone even disprove that? ðĪ·ðū♀️ Well, it’s gotta be better than living my life with this horrid stress bump right smack-dab in the middle of my forehead. Damn, I look like a black human unicorn. You think Estonia would ever elect a black human unicorn for president? I guess anything is possible, in dreams.
Originally posted by ChaunyBaby at 3:49 PM on Friday, May 27, 2011
