Originally posted on July 30, 2008
The absence of permanent male attention
has definitely had an impact on my social life. More than once over the last
couple of months, I’ve been propositioned by a woman. You’ll be happy to know,
that even with no current male possibilities on the table, all alone with a
nice-looking and highly interested (in me) chick, away from prying eyes and
disapproving attitudes, I still wouldn’t/couldn’t go there. While I don’t find
that kind of attention particularly offensive (I appreciate and love flattery
from either sex), that really isn’t my cup of tea. That inner lesbian, that so
many psychology books and articles claim as being inside most women, just
isn’t in me. Believe me, I’ve looked hard for her too! Frankly, I believe I’d be
willing to admit or act out on that possibility more than most women
would…if were it in me. (You know I’d tell you too!) I will also admit that it
doesn’t even bother me that some people can’t guess my sexual
persuasion/orientation by simply looking at or observing me. (It’s nobody’s
business anyway) I’ve never cared much about ‘appearances’ and that’s the
straight-up truth. Now understand, I don’t look down on or judge anybody that
does what they do but I know for me personally, that kind of relationship
would leave me wanting. I’d rather be by myself and cram as much
‘platonic’ fun as I can into 24 hour day, than be left wanting (sex)
for any amount of time. Plus, I’m so fiercely independent in so many other
aspects of my life, it’s nice to be ‘the woman’ and lean on a strong, capable
and masculine man in a relationship once and a while. That traditional
male/female role in a relationship makes me feel very safe and secure, no matter
how independent I need to be. (Call me old fashioned) When I started to
think about my latest female ‘offer’ (which was a very attractive
woman by the way), it occurred to me that I haven’t been seen out with
anyone of the male persuasion for quite some time now (in a dating/romantic
capacity). Since I only go out to have fun and never go out with
expectation of meeting someone, I’m sure my personality reflects that (that
I’m not looking for a man). So, the outside world might get the erroneous
impression that I’m not interested in men and that simply isn’t true…well, it’s
only half true. I would say that I don’t feel ready to start up a full-on
romantic relationship with a man (and all the emotional sacrifices that
entails) but I would be up for a passionate romantic interlude with
one (that could possibly lead to more). The trouble is, passion
isn’t an easy thing for me to feel for someone. To me, real
passion is a very precious, priceless commodity and shouldn’t be found in
just anyone. It sometimes makes an explicable and sudden appearance in someone
totally unexpected (that’s especially fun). In the last few years, I’d probably
only felt fiery passion for a couple of people and they weren’t even people I’d
settled into a relationship with (I know that’s messed up). The next part is
just my opinion, so don’t get offended or think I’m being arrogant. But I think
I receive multiple female ‘offers’ because I think women are attracted to a
mysterious aspect of my personality, my originality, my strength and my pure and
sincere disregard for what others may think of me. Some women are confused by
that and assign a sexual significance, when in fact, it’s just simple
admiration. With me, I’m not confused about that at all. I admire other
women freely and openly. I’ve probably walked straight up to hundreds of
perfect (female) strangers, looked them dead in the eyes and told them that I
thought they were gorgeous, sexy or fly. No confusion. No proposition. No
implications. Not even an ulterior motive, other than a desire for some chick to
feel as good about herself as I do about myself (at times). Besides,
spreading good energy like that, keeps you young and spry (that’s the
secret). Hating, in any form, is an insecure, unnecessary,
disgusting and repulsive behavior, habit or defensive mechanism that serves no
positive purpose at all (and it makes you look old and ugly). Who needs or
wants help looking old and ugly anyway? Nature will take care of that. Besides,
if my inner lesbian ever makes an unexpected appearance, I would want to look my
very best.
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