Category : Romance and Relationships
Incomplete Thought Part VI (Wrap It Up-Razor Tongue!)
I'm a little tipsy as I write this but I'm in the mood to share. Please forgive any grammatical errors. 😬 After last week's soap opera, I'm wondering why the ghosts from relationships past don't seem to die. I didn't write about him but my older ex was also there that night too. Sis says that he isn't significant enough to consider as a real ex but I disagree. A woman like me, a woman that hardly ever knows a man (in the physical sense), feels funny when a person she has known that way, is there with another person she's known that way. 🤷🏾♀️ In my case, there were three men I'd known that way that night. Oogy! 🤢 Remember when I wrote that I was wondering if that night was punishment for something I'd done in my past? Well, I thought of one thing that I could probably make a little better. He was someone I'd met in 1999 (during one of those infamous breaks from the 7 year ex). We'd talked about getting married then. He came to Texas to visit me and my family and I'd flown to Chicago (and Dayton) to visit him and his family. He has a beautiful daughter that I really wanted to be the stepmom of. 🤱🏾 I don't think I've ever felt that way about a boyfriend's child before. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't do all the things necessary to go forward with him. I won't go into explicit details but I felt like I'd have to be "the man" in the relationship. I'd have to be the one that would decide where we ate, what we would buy, when we would have sex. He told me that in all his past relationships, his women wouldn't be capable of making important (and not-so-important) decisions and it was nice to be with someone so capable (me). Well, on one hand, that's a very nice compliment. On the other hand, it's absolutely EXHAUSTING! 😰 Who the hell wants all that pressure? Not me. 🙅🏾♀️ For me, it's very unappealing to be that "in control" of a relationship, a marriage. Anyway, our last argument was horrible, terrible. He was a total azz with how he yelled and screamed at me but I was a bigger azz with the things I said to him. I said HORRIBLE things about him. When I'm angry, I have a super sharp razor. 👅 I'm not proud of it and in my new, older and calmer state, I don't think I'd have the ability to be that verbally abusive/cruel again. So, I sent him a note the other day (through a site we are both members of), telling him that I wished I'd spoken to him differently back then (about 2003). He may or may not accept my apology but at least I offered it. It's up to him. I don't want any type of romantic reconciliation with him. I just want him to know that I would've handled things differently, if I could. I can't get mad if doesn't forgive me and I didn't apologize because I wanted anything from him, I just needed to cut that slow-moving "cancer" out of my life. I call it a "slow-moving" cancer because it's not something I thought about a lot…hardly ever really. But it's still something I would do differently, if I could. I guess that's sort of a regret, though I thought I didn't have any. If he replies in a mean, nasty and interesting way, I'll definitely let you know. 👩🏾💻 If he responds in a nice, boring and uninteresting way, I'll spare you all the stagnant details. I know you'd do the same for me. 👍🏾
Originally posted on November 2, 2007
I'm a little tipsy as I write this but I'm in the mood to share. Please forgive any grammatical errors. After last week's soap opera, I'm wondering why the ghosts from relationships past, don't ...
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