Originally posted on Thu 11/6/2008, 1:07 PM
For the most part, this past weekend was fantastic. After accepting the disappointment of the break-up of my favorite Hip Hop group; PPT, I celebrated their last concert this past Saturday with excited vigor. Honestly, I see them as being one of those timeless musical cult classics that will be enjoyed for many more generations to come, like The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Xanadu or Spinal Tap. So, the performance wasn’t really as somber as I thought it would be. Actually, their last performance kind of reminded me of those old timey New Orleans funerals in which the funeral party happily parades down the street dancing and singing, while trumpets are blaring. A sincere celebration of life, not a sad reminder of death. We danced, sung, laughed and even participated in a Soul Train line, all in honor of a talented collaboration of young men with very bright futures…nothing sad about that. The weekend was not without it’s challenges though. See, I live in a pretty rural neighborhood. A few people on my street have horses and goats, so we’re zoned for all types of livestock. That country, “grandmothery” charm is what made my sister and I fall in love with the house we got. However, because of the neighborhood’s rural nature, fruit trees and huge lots, we are often faced with the “horrors” of reptiles and rodents (snakes, lizards, rabbits, possums, field mice, etc). We even have an iguana that lives in our fig tree in our first backyard (he’s huge too). But the neighborhood’s cat population, keeps the balance of power squarely on the human side. Well about a week ago, after returning home very late (early morning), I saw a glimpse of a huge rat in our yard that was clearly familiar with the layout of our property (the part of our property that we use a lot). I think I startled him since I’m usually not awake or out-and-about at that time of night/morning. Since I was a little ‘out if it’ from exhaustion, I didn’t scream or jump or react at all to his presence. I just calmly watched him disappear into the darkness. I came in and went straight to my sis’ room to tell her but she was knocked out cold. Why wake her up and upset her needlessly? We both hate rats and mice, what could she even do? I knew that I’d probably be the one elected to rid the rat anyway, so I let her sleep in peace. I waited till the next morning to tell her. She was understandably upset at the news and called an exterminator that very day to treat the house and garage but he wouldn’t be there until Monday (it was Thursday). We needed a weekend solution…and fast. Peculiar thing is, for the last week or so, I’d noticed a few items moved or askew but I didn’t think much of it. I’d even tell my sis; “That’s not where I left that.” or ask “Where did that come from?” She had no answers and I didn’t press the issue. I just knew something weird was going on but I didn’t know what. In hindsight, I realized that our dog had been acting strange since the rat’s arrival too. People and pets can’t even walk on the public street in front of our house without her having a hissy fit. And if someone or something manages to make it all the way to the porch, oh brother…it ain’t pretty. But then again, our dog is as eccentric as her owners are, so acting strange is really rather normal for her. I’d set a few booby traps for the unwelcome visitor but it was clear, this rat was no chump. He was positioning himself to be my arch nemesis, I could just feel it. Fine with me, I’m up to the task. I didn’t care how long the battle would take, I was certain that I would ultimately be the victor! Sadly, my makeshift traps from a few freshly purchased Wal-Mart items, didn’t seem to even slow him down. I had some overly ambitious and ineffectively “clever” plans for him. Despite all my prideful intellect, I’d seen and heard evidence of his repeated visits after my initial attempts at his eradication. Round One winner: The Rat. Frankly, our yard & porch are our living spaces too and I’m not sharing it with a rodent that doesn’t put anything on the mortgage. Next stop, Home Depot for the heavy-hitting stuff. I’d gotten rodent stuff there before for our attic and garage when we first moved in, to ensure that we wouldn’t have any uninvited roommates. It seemed to do the trick but that was years ago. In response to the news of the rat, my mother, who is the brave keeper of the yard and all difficult home tasks related to it, did her handy-work with limited assistance from me. She assured us (Sis & I) that if the rat came back after her anti-rat efforts, to let him in and fix him a plate because he earned his right to be there. The exterminator comes on Monday and tells us that our “trap” would surely be enough to eliminate the rat nuisance. Advantage: Momma. So no matter how late, I’d freely go outside to throw out trash, sit on the porch or pick up leaves from the lawn and never saw hide nor hair of him. I didn’t hear him in the darkness either. Round Two winner: The Women. The battle was clearly won by the matriarchal human majority. So Sunday, Momma does her usual home maintenance while I leisurely enjoy the day. I hear a panicked shriek. My mother comes into my room and says that we don’t have to worry about the rambunctious rodent anymore because she knew for a fact that he had met with certain death. While picking up debris, she also accidentally picked up his carcass. We found that out only after her stunned chant of the word “sh*t”, in rapid succession (about 25 times in a row). In a fortunate turn of events, I was not elected to help dispose of the body, Sis was. (Thank Goodness) Momma wanted it as far away from the house as possible, so it’s rotting carcass didn’t attract more unwelcome critters. It couldn’t just run to one of the dozens of open fields to die, oh no, that would’ve been just too convenient! Obviously, it either wanted to take it’s last breaths in a familiar environment or it wanted to make sure the unfortunate finder of it’s body, would pay even after it’s death. Momma and Sis both agreed that the rodent was very odd looking. I didn’t notice that since it was always scurrying away from me. Apparently, the mutant mixture included the huge body of a rat, complete with a big fleshy tail and the tiny head of a mouse, complete huge rounded ears and an unusually short nose. It figures. Not only are the people and pets of my family strange, we now know that the pests are strange too. Round Three winner: The Mutant. In retrospect, I’m thinking we probably should’ve kept the carcass and sold it to Ripley’s or something. That would’ve made us the clear winners of Round Four. Oh well, you live and learn. Since Sis is going on a 4 day business trip to Pittsburgh next week, I’m a little afraid that the disfigured ghost of the rat will mercilessly haunt me for my insolence. I’ll probably lay awake for many hours waiting for his ghoulish arrival. I’m totally serious. All in all though, it’s reassuring to know that the weird, strange and inexplicable things tied to me, aren’t just a figment of imagination. I know it seems like a small consolation prize but I'm good with whatever helps me sleep at night.
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