Category : Romance and Relationships
Blog 25
Honey, No Farting Please!
I'm plodding along, still trying to find some meaning to my (romantic) life. I've found a few answers but not as many as I'd hoped. I think I'm just having another "off" week.😐 I don't really know what it is but the things I found merely frustrating last week have metamorphosed into venomous anger this week. While I know logically that I can't blame anyone for my poor romantic choices in the past, it isn't helping the emotional side of my brain and heart. I'm imagining horribly painful and grotesque scenarios for some of these past "romantic" partners I've written about before (I'm using the word romantic very loosely here). Some of these scenarios actually include missing toenails, rusty box cutters and sulfuric acid (just kidding). Seriously though, I'm really sick and tired of these emotionally retarded, ridiculously (womanly) "sensitive" men I've been dealing with! I fear that sadly, I've been the most masculine one in all my recent "romantic" relationships. I hope I'm not emasculating these men without realizing it ( another joke-relax). I know, I know, I made the choices and I have to live with them. Remember though, I'm not thinking logically right now, this all emotional garbage I'm sifting through. And in my defense, these past partners didn't show these weaknesses initially. I'd be totally open and honest if it were a simple 'lapse in judgment' on my part for ignoring all the obvious "danger signs". Recent, unforeseen and uncontrollable disappointment and disillusionment directed at past partners isn't just what I'm seeing in myself, I'm seeing it in other relationships too. For example, I went to an event this past weekend in which the "speaker" was quite a nice looking guy. Not just good-looking but he was also articulate, witty and clever (all the things I love in guy), 😍 he had a real "clean" thing happening. When I saw his wife, well, it was apparent that she'd let herself go physically. Not just the standard extra pounds because of babies (which would be permissible) but from just plain sloppy, bad living. In my opinion, she didn't even try. I mean, even if you live a relatively sedentary lifestyle and put on a little weight through the years, you can still fix yourself up and do the best you can with what you have...she didn't. I could tell that she wasn't old (maybe mid/ late 30s) and that she probably was really cute and fine at one time. I imagined that she thought, like a lot of women, I got him now...why even try? Those men realize shortly after the honeymoon that there won't be the amount of love making they enjoyed before marriage. 😐 For the women, those hair and nail appointments don't seem quite that urgent anymore. Soon, your women will be showing up at the Wal-Mart with no make-up, in holey house shoes with a ratty old bandanna on her head. I know it happens to women too. The men get sloppy, plagued with flatulence and just plain don't smell that good anymore. I've witnessed it with my own two eyes. Man, it just isn't fair! I suppose I should be grateful that I haven't married any of these womanly jerks from my past. Another good thing is that I think if I were to settle down at the age I am now, I'd be less likely to "let myself go" because I just like looking cute for myself (after 30, if you still do it, you do it for you). While it's nice to be noticed by men (and women for that matter), I really just do it for myself now. Of course, it's easy to say that now, since I'm not in that situation. Hey, you never know, after 3 months of marriage I could become a sloppy, flatulence-plagued chick shopping at the Wal-Mart in “holely” 🕳️ house shoes and a ratty old bandanna. I guess the moral of the story is to be what you are in the beginning (of a relationship) so a person knows what they're getting into or can get out ASAP! For my future husband, I'm thinking I'm going to draw up a contract before marriage that will negate most of these possible future "surprises" 📃 (though I know I can't be prepared for all unpleasant/ unwelcome surprises). My Pre-Marital "Maintenance" contract 📄 🖋️will include maintaining a frequent and enjoyable intimate life, no gaining an extreme amount of weight, no walking around/coming to bed stinky (body or breath) and no farting without a warning first! 🤢 I think if a man can agree to all that, he's the one for me! 🥰
Posted : 2006-11-08 09:11:00 AM Created : 2006-11-08 09:32:00 AM Visible to : Public
Blog ID : 190596320
No comments:
Post a Comment