Category : Romance and Relationships
Blog ID 47
Incomplete Thought Part V (When Too Much Time Passes)
This week is shaping up to be an interesting one, and it's only Tuesday! Since Saturday, I've had "interactions" with my last two ex-boyfriends. It occurred to me, after "interacting" with both of them, that sometimes when too much time passes, my desire to regain, retain or restart anything almost completely dissipates. The first interaction came this past Saturday. For the second time, I decided I would forgive all my last boyfriend's stupid past actions and start a new, non-romantic but cordial, dialogue/ relationship with him. It was during our latest verbal exchange that I was reminded of just how old he is (he'll be 51 this month). His oldest son is just a couple of years younger than me. Ironically, it was his immaturity that finally ended our relationship, we might still be "kicking it" if not for that. And NO , he didn't have money but he told me that I could have anything he had and I believed him, I just wished he had more (just playing-don't get mad). Saturday, I could tell he was VERY surprised that I just came up to him and started talking (after all these months of ignoring him). However, after talking to him for just a few minutes, I found myself less willing to continue the conversation or a friendly relationship with him. Not that anything was said that was offensive or out-of-line, I just realized that I'd been away from him too long. My desire to know him, on any level, had passed. I know there was a very vivid moment, during our conversation that night, that it showed too. I can't remember what was said but I remember just blankly staring at him, no expression or words. I guess I was looking right through him. It was then that I distinctly remember him staring at his glass and saying, "Man, I really wish there was alcohol in this" (he doesn't drink). I still have his picture in my wallet and on my desk at work. Not because I still care for him in that way, it's just that I think I look really cute in that pic! Also, I learned something important with him, age doesn't always matter. Sometimes it's okay to step outside your comfort zone every now and then, it can be fun. It was with him, for a little while anyway. Then, the other came yesterday (Monday). You-know-who called and sent me a text before 7:00AM that morning. Yep, the human gnat is baaaaaack!!! The text simply said, "Chauny, can I take u out! I got something to say to u pls. U have been very nice to me, i realize. Am sorry!" I heard him the first 50 times he said it!!! Honestly, I think he probably wants to get married but that doesn't change anything at all. Before we officially broke up, I told him point-blank; "If you want to step away from this, that's fine. Just know that once you step away, there may be no coming back. Not because I'm trying to punish you but because the desire in me will be gone and there will be no recovering from that." Despite my explicit warning, he played "relationship-poker", I called his bluff and now he's trying to regain the progress (he thought) he made. With him, that opportunity is lost forever. Too much time had passed. After our break-up, which really hurt me at the time, I felt that it would be best for him to find someone else and see if he could do better (than me). From what I knew (and saw ), after we broke up, he got himself another girlfriend-even through all those times he'd been trying to contact me again. Knowing that, didn't bother me in the least. Frankly, I'm just not the type of woman that's going to try to win your heart over another. I'm not the least bit competitive when it comes to a man. If you prefer her, go to her. I don't want anyone that doesn't want me and if I need to "convince" you that I'm the one-then you never really knew me to begin with. Back in the day though, I was a very jealous woman and the mere thought of someone I (ever) cared about being with another woman, drove me absolutely nuts! But that was before I knew my worth, as a person...as a woman. In the last year or so, I had a life-changing epiphany that colored the way I deal with people (men) and problems now. What I'm going to write next is going to sound arrogant and cocky but I sincerely don't mean it to. Relatively recently, I told a good friend something I thought he should know about me. I told him that there are plenty of women in the world that I know are FAR prettier, finer, smarter and richer than me but I didn't think there was any woman in the world that was better than me (with the exception of my mother and sister). Now, that's not to say that I'm the best woman for every man. With men, I know that there are specific attributes that are more valued than others and depending on the man, that changes with every woman. I'm simply saying that I know overall, I'm a good woman and person. But if it's just too much trouble to know, love or respect me when we are together, then move on and do better. If you can, I won't be mad, I'll even dance at your wedding ! I'm not saying it doesn't hurt me when things don't work out, I'm just saying that after a little emotional downtime, I'll have no problem moving on and once I do, I can't go back. I know it sounds a little narcissistic but I wish everybody happiness, with or without me. I'm in full support of every man doing what they think is right for themselves, relationship wise. For those men in doubt, I say this; Always examine (and reexamine ) your feelings, sleep on it, decide what you want and be absolutely sure. But if you go, plan on staying gone because sometimes, like in this case of these two, there is no coming back.
Posted : 2007-06-12 04:39:00 AM Created : 2007-06-12 09:03:00 AM Visible to : Public
Blog ID : 275334425
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