Originally posted on October 16, 2008
Current mood: hungry
Category: Life
Only four days in, and I'm already having regrets. I'm not a woman of many, if not any, regrets. Not because there aren't things I wouldn't do differently if given the chance but because I don't (yet) have access to a time machine to reverse my bad choices/experiences. Besides, even bad choices/experiences teach you something important, if you're somewhat intelligent. I consider myself more than somewhat intelligent. My 4 day old 'regrettable' choice was born out of love. As a demonstration of devotion, I reluctantly agreed to start this new "diet" with my best friend. She calls it a lifestyle change, not a diet but we'll see just about that. I must emphasize here that I personally don't advocate dieting (for myself). I've always resigned myself to simply buying size-appropriate clothes, whether they get bigger or smaller in size. I'm really more worried about looking good in clothes, not out of them. Nobody sees me naked anyway and a little extra poundage doesn't really bother me. Not only do I not advocate dieting, I'm a very strong proponent of exercise too. Simply put, in my opinion, exercise blows! Well, let me restate that, exercise blows except for that of the passionate kind. But for me, that kind of exercise is like a rarely-enjoyed delicacy. So, if not used for sweaty, steamy & sloppy romps, I'd rather be using all that good physical energy…for…well, nothing at all. Maybe blogging and surfing The Net but that's about it. Now understand, I have made lifestyle changes for the purpose of "getting healthier". First, I gave up all refined sugar in 2004. The first month after that decision, I was like fiend coming off of heroin. After that month however, it's been smooth sailing ever since and I haven't looked back. After the invention of Splenda, the world became a much better place. Also, I gave up taking the elevator at my job. Sounds small, but I work for a very large company with big buildings and ample stairs. (Not a small thing I don't mind telling you.) Anyway, unless I'm trying to get into this one specific (too-small) outfit for a specific event, I'd planned to never diet again. Basically, the first week of the diet is said to be the hardest. So true. In the first week, you completely give up carbs and have to eat a very specific amount of approved foods. Then, you begin to slowly introduce carbs back into your diet. I thought I'd be ok but my Cheez-It addiction seems to be taking over my life. Let me admit, I have a very substantial emergency reserve of Cheez-Its. I keep two boxes in my office at work, so when I suddenly finish a box (I never see it coming), I don't have to let a pesky, inconvenient grocery store trip interrupt my daily Cheez-It intake. I have two boxes in my bedroom…for the exact same reason. One box is on the under shelf of my nightstand and another box sitting on top, so I can roll over in bed and inhale a handful without walking all the way to the kitchen (wasted time). I don't usually commit myself to stuff (or people) like that but once I do, I'm in it to win it. I actually have great reserves of willpower but this is much harder than I thought it would be. All I think about is Cheez-Its. I think about them when I'm sitting/working in my office, while my two back-up boxes tease me every time I open my cabinet door for something unrelated. So naturally, I think about them when I'm driving home from work. When I give our dogs their dog treats, I start to wonder what their dog treat would taste like atop a Cheez-It. I start to seriously believe that worldwide Cheez-It donations would not only cure hunger but it could actually improve our economy, aid in national security, restore the Ozone layer and bring world peace. I daydream about slowing biting into one, savoring that cheesy crunch, which instantly makes my eyes roll back in my head in sheer euphoric ecstasy. I was so hungry when I got home from work yesterday, all I wanted to do is punch something (or somebody) because eating anything but Cheez-Its at that moment, would only send me into a deep depression. Yesterday evening when walking back to my truck after grocery shopping for more of the overly expensive "approved" foods for the rest of the week, guess what was on the parking lot ground, right next to my truck door? Guess!?! An empty Cheez-It box!!! It looked almost brand new too, like someone had just purchased it! I kid you not! Why doth tease me so? It was a cruel irony perpetrated at exactly the wrong time. I lay in bed with visions of Cheez-Its circling my head. You know what else? I had a horrible confrontation/argument with a new friend yesterday morning. An "argument" so bad that we traded insults by text for about 15 minutes straight. But he was no match for me. His best zinger about me was that I was weird (well, DUH!) Not to boast (too loudly), but I can use words as a weapon quite effectively when I choose. He knew it too and quickly conceded (a smart move on his part). With that "linguistical gift" of mine, coupled with my Cheez-It addiction & withdrawal symptoms, he's lucky I didn't make him cry! After our last "exchange", I wasn't even remotely upset, I just started counting down the days in my head until I can tenderly taste a Cheez-It again (23 days & 12 hours). It will be better than hot, sweaty "love" or hanging with my beloved friends. I can always find a booty buddy (if I were so inclined) and make new friends, but my love and devotion to Cheez-Its will truly last forever.
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