The following is result of Operation Blog
Recovery (Of what I could retrieve): The following content is collected from a
platform that is no longer operational. Gaps and spaces in the formatted text could
be the result of broken and/or expired emoticons, links or web-hosted pictures.
You can be assured that the opinions and thoughts expressed are from the
original writing. Hell, I’m not even going to correct spelling or grammar. Enjoy!
Or not.
Originally posted on Mon 6/11/2007, 2:22 PM
Same old dance and partner. Ironically, I had
two run-ins with my last two exes while I was away from you. The first came
this past Saturday (at my favorite night-spot). For the second time, I
decided I would forgive all his stupid past actions and I start start a new,
nonromantic but cordial dialogue. It was during our verbal exchange, I was
reminded of just how old he is (he'll be 51 this year). His oldest son was just
a couple of years younger than me. I know what you're thinking (WTF?!) but he
didn't look or seem that old at first and really, 50-something now-a-days isn't
old anymore. And NO, he didn't have money but he told me that I
could have anything he had and I believed him, I just wished he had more (just
playin-don't get mad). I could tell he was VERY surprised (and a
little relieved) that I just came up to him and started talking.
However, after talking to him for a few minutes, I found myself less
willing to continue a friendly relationship with him. Not that anything was
said that was offensive or out-of-line, I just realized that I'd
been away from him too long. My desire to know him, on any level, was
past. I know there was a very vivid moment, during our conversation, that
it showed. I can't remember what was said but I remember just staring at him,
no expression or words. I guess I was looking right through him.
I distinctly remember him staring at his glass and saying, "Man,
I really wish there was alcohol in this" (he doesn't drink). I still
have his picture in my wallet and on my desk at work. Not because I still care
for him in that way, it's just that I think I look really cute in
that pic! Why discard it just because things didn't work out? Also, I
learned something important with him, age doesn't always matter. Sometimes it's
okay to step outside your comfort zone very now and then, it can be
fun. It was with him, for a while anyway. The second came VERY
EARLY this morning. You-know-who called and sent me a
text before 7:00AM this morning. Yep, the gnat is baaaaaack!!! The text simply
said, "Chauny, can I take u out! I got something to say to u pls. U
have been very nice to me, i realize. Am sorry!" This guy is just
a glutton for punishment. I heard him the first 50 times he said
it! Honestly, I think he probably wants to get married but that doesn't
change anything at all. I'll admit to you that before we officially broke up, I
told him point-blank, "If you want to step away from this, that's fine.
Just know that once you step away, there may be no coming back. Not because I'm
trying to punish you but because the desire in me will be
gone and there will be no recovering from that." Despite
my warning, he played "relationship-poker", I called his
bluff and now he's trying to get regain the progress (he thought) he
made. Simply put, there is no going back. With him, that opportunity is lost
forever. Too much time had past. I felt that it would be best for him to
find someone else and see if he could do better (than me). From what I
knew (and saw), after we broke up, he got himself another girlfriend-even
through all those times he'd been trying to contact me again. Knowing
that, didn't bother me in the least. I'm not the type of woman that's
going to try to win your heart over another. I'm not the least bit competitive
when it comes to a man. If you prefer her, go to her. I don't want anyone that
doesn't want me and if I need to "convince" you that I'm the
one-then you never never really knew me to begin with. Back in the day
though, I was a very jealous woman and the mere thought of someone I (ever)
cared about being with another woman, drove me absolutely nuts! But that was
before I knew my worth, as a person...as a woman. In the last year or so,
I had a life-changing epiphany that colored the way I deal with people
(men) and problems now. What I'm going to write next is going to
sound bad and cocky but I don't mean it to. Relatively recently, I told a good
friend something I thought he should know about me. I told him that there are
plenty of women in the world that I know are FAR prettier,
finer, smarter and richer than me but I didn't think there was any
woman in the world that was better than me (with the
exception of my mother and sister). Now, that's not to say that I'm the
best woman for every man. With men, I know that there are specific
attributes that are more valued than others and depending on the man, that
changes with every woman. I'm simply saying that I know overall, I'm a
good woman and person. If it's just too much trouble to know, love or
respect me when we are together, then move on and do better. If you can, I
won't be mad, I'll even dance at your wedding! I'm not saying it doesn't hurt
me when things don't work out, I'm just saying that after a little emotional
downtime, I'll have no problem moving on but once I do, I can't go back. I know
it sounds a little narcissistic but I wish everybody happiness, with or without
me. I'm in full support of doing what you think is right for yourself
relationship wise. Always examine (and reexamine) your feelings, sleep
on it, be absolutely sure and decide what you want. But if you go, plan on
staying gone because sometimes, like in this case of these two, there's no
coming back.
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