The following is result of Operation Blog Recovery (Of what I could retrieve): The following content is collected from a platform that is no longer operational. Gaps and spaces in the formatted text could be the result of broken and/or expired emoticons, links or web-hosted pictures. You can be assured that the opinions and thoughts expressed are from the original writing. Hell, I’m not even going to correct spelling or grammar. Enjoy! Or not.
Originally posted on July 29, 2008
Lawdy, lawdy, oh what a party! OMG! I had
so much fun this past weekend. Sis and I decided to have a combined birthday
party this year, since we were both born in July. We decided to do a gold,
silver and blue celestial theme since she is a Leo Sun Child (Gold) and I’m a
Cancer Moon Child (Silver). The decorations turned out okay, but the real stars
of the party, were the immense friendships I’ve acquired through the years. Like
a proud mommy, I beamed at my group of treasured friends more than a few times
on Saturday. This pride continued well through the next day since some of us
didn’t actually get to bed until well after 5AM on Sunday. The hotel management
was good enough to give us an insane deal on a junior suite on Friday and a
junior suite with an attached room for Saturday, so the good vibes and company
extended long after the party was over downstairs (at the club). There are more
than a few juicy stories I could share with you here but I won’t just yet. Just
know that my usual flirtatious nightclub antics got me way more
attention than I bargained for that night but I’ll save those stories for
another day. So, will this entry be a boring tale of sickeningly sweet good
feelings and friendships? No, not really. I had a few ‘slip-ups’ in the midst of
all these good vibrations. Do you ever feel like things are going a little
too good and you neglect a little of your happiness because you’re
waiting for the other shoe to drop? In a couple of rare alone moments this
weekend, I called on one of my least successful past relationships for
comfort (or something). Why do I do that? The only thing I can figure is, that
when I’m super happy, I know it won’t last, so I desperately grasp for
something (or someone) that will kill my buzz and end the uncertainty of knowing
when the happiness will end. Sick huh? I know it is. I guess I just don’t know
how to be happy and enjoy it for however long it lasts. Fortunately, this
unsuccessful past relationship reconnect attempt didn’t kill my blissful
buzz (though I don’t know why it didn’t). The other good news is, I
recognize the problem and I am willing to correct it, I just don’t know
how to do that quite yet. The specifics here are, I let my big-mouthed
blogging get a little personal and I think I hurt some feelings. (Though I doubt
the affected party would ever admit it). My recollection is that it involved
slapping them in the face (really hard) with a raw steak. Personally, if the
‘blog’ was on the other foot, I wouldn’t be mad about it. (Unless they
really intended to slap me in the face with a raw steak) I’d probably
even be a little complimented and amused that I was recorded in a blog,
preserved for all posterity. But then again, I have a pretty broad sense of
humor, not everybody does. I talked to a new friend just yesterday about my
tendency to sometimes be a little unintentionally raw with my words. If I
remember correctly, their reply to that admission was; “Dang girl! You
hard!” Hey, I can’t apologize for that (I am who I am) but I can
apologize for hurting feelings. At my core, I’m not a mean person (I try not
to be). However, I am committed to being honest, sometimes too
honest, with a frankness that can irreparably damage a relationship...especially
when the relationship is on it’s last leg anyway. Despite the fact that things
ended badly and I fantasized about a violent raw meat attack on his face, I
still do like and respect this person. Anger and bad
feelings only linger with me, if I didn’t really like that person in the
first place. With him, I suppose part of me was looking for that predictable
buzz-kill (which he's been so good at lately) but the other part
of me wanted to reconcile after my harsh words. (I should name this entry
When Good Blogs Go Bad). I don’t know for sure if the intended raw
steak slapee even reads this big-mouthed blog of mine. My assumption is
that he might and that might be why he’s still a little miffed and wants to hang
on to some anger and resentment towards me. While this blog is an open
diary/journal that I happily share with you, this is therapy for me, not him
(or anyone else). If he’s angry at me about that, oh well, he can join
the club (new members added weekly). What can I do about that anyway?
Since I’ve never acquired a taste for butt-kissing, I guess I have no choice but
to leave it alone. I’ve already apologized for my part in the way things ended
and taken the first step toward reconciliation (not romantic
reconciliation mind you). He says that he accepts my apology and holds no
grudges but his actions suggest otherwise. He's become negative, petty and a
little intentionally mean, not at all the funny, charming and easy-going guy he
was when we first met. No fun at all-but I (still) remember the good times
though. I also realize that I started it, he just wants
keep it going...enough already! Fine with me dude. Truthfully, he’s actually
making it a whole lot easier to leave it alone. Why concentrate anymore good
energy on a relationship beyond repair? If this past weekend has taught me
anything, it’s that really good, true friends aren’t easy to come by and I have
more than my share. It’s also taught me that I should be very grateful for the
beautiful relationships I have and that I need to continue to nurture those,
instead of trying to acquire more. As far as relationships are concerned, I’m
all about quality over quantity and those that don’t want on this
train, will get left at the station…and frankly, that’s precisely how it should
be.
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