Originally posted on January 15, 2009 - Thursday
Current mood: exhausted
Category: Life
It seems a cruel
irony that just 1 day after realizing that I’ll definitely be changing
physicians (confirmed by a medical seminar I attended last night), I feel
like I’m on my deathbed this morning. My doctor is
joining a network that charges a $1,500 annual fee that isn’t covered by
insurance. She'll only accept 600 patients, first come first serve. Sis and I
had theorized long ago that our doctor wants to rid her practice of the annoying
geriatric hypochondriacs that flood her waiting room every time we go in for a
simple check-up. She’s a young,
attractive doctor that seems to want to free up time for other things. Nothing
wrong with that. It sucks for us but I see her point. Life goes on and
progresses…if you’re lucky. Sis and I went
to the seminar to see what the benefits would be for this additional cost. We
weren’t closed to the idea of paying the additional cost if it made sense. Our
doctor talks a little and shows a short DVD that explains the additional
benefits for this exorbitant annual expense which included same or next day
service and exceptional time-intensive medical exams. For me, her platform was
out of gas about 20 minutes into her presentation because she was already an
exceptional physician that had frequently seen me on same/next day appointments
when I thought I was headed toward that bright light in the sky. While sis and
the others continued to listen, I politely excused myself from the crowded hotel
conference room. My time is terribly precious to me. I preferred to sit in the
lobby and think about nothing rather than sit there and pretend to listen to a
proposition I’d already rejected. Unfortunately
this morning, I felt physically out of gas. At work, I couldn’t
recall simple actions I’d performed mere seconds before, including my entire
drive to work. Not good at
all. I’d type something then press ‘send’ or ‘confirm’ and instantly ask myself
(out loud) “Wait, what’d I just
do?” I warned my co-workers about an hour after starting work
this morning that I’d be leaving early and assured them that it was in
their best interest that I do that. Not because I’d make any irreversible
errors (which was entirely possible) but because today, they wouldn’t want me on
the road at the same time they were. As luck would
have it, our primary karaoke spot was less than a mile from the medical seminar
last night, so we dropped by for a bit. I happened to see a few friends that
happened to be there too. I sang a few songs, ate a little, drank a lot and got
into a disagreement with a really tall & handsome guy I met there a few
weeks ago. All in a night’s work I guess. Me & the guy hadn’t exchanged
numbers or anything back then, I’d just given him my card with my webpage
addresses on it. He told me he’d been on my MySpace page a few times. He also
said he’d been going there every Wednesday since, hoping to run into me again. I
thought that was really sweet. I karaoke there
every so often but not every week. I suppose you want to know about the
disagreement huh? I won’t go into the specifics that include deep, dark family
secrets (his) and sexual fetishes (his). Yeah, in our very first real
conversation. Now, I
understand that you’re reading this from me, but I assure you…this
disagreement was not my fault. As a matter of fact, whatever it was that I
innocently said that set him off, was quickly forgotten (by me) after performing
another song and a few more dances on the dance floor. I come back to
my seat and he starts in on me about what it is he wants from
me. Um, excuse me? I’m not sitting 10 seconds before he starts
explaining that he’s upset at me because he’d revealed stuff to me that he never
tells anybody and he doesn’t usually ‘reveal’ himself like that. What did
I do? I guess he
wanted all my attention and for me to sit there and listen to him all night. I’m
like, ‘Dude…are we still talking about what we were talking
about 45 minutes, 1 song sung and three songs danced ago?’ (I didn’t say
that to him though). He’s sincerely upset with me and I don’t really get why. I
explain to him that it isn’t and shouldn’t be that serious. I try
to dispel his uneasiness by tenderly rubbing his thigh and changing the subject
to something karaoke or dance related. But he’d shut
down. Actually, before shutting down, he made a few more snide remarks and then
shuts down. I’m thinking,
‘Dude, are you serious? Let’s move on already. Let’s have some fun
already.’ He wasn’t having any of that though. So, I get up from my table
and crack a few jokes and laugh with a few of the people sitting at the table
next to us, hoping to lighten the mood. Apparently, I’d
upset him MORE by doing that because as soon as I sit back down next to him he
says, “I’m just going to go now.”
I simply reply, “Okay.” Then
he says, “Well, I’ll just go away for a few
minutes and then come back. I want to give you a few minutes because this isn’t
how I wanted this to go.” I reply
(while looking him dead in his eyes) “Look,
I’m a very smart woman. In fact, I consider myself to be one of the most
intelligent people I know and I know a lot of intelligent people. But what I’m
solely drawing on right now, is my intuition. And my intuition is telling me
that you are bent on being upset at me and you have no reason to feel like that.
So, if want to leave, leave.“
He abruptly gets up from the table and walks out of the club. My stunned
girlfriends, who were sitting at the same table but couldn’t hear what we were
talking about, looked at me and asked me where he was going. I tell them a small
portion of what we were talking about and they reply that they never would’ve
known all that was going on by the way I was acting. (Carefree and
calm…exactly how you should act when you’re out). Even more ironic
than the whole deal about having to change physicians exactly 1 day before
feeling like I’m going to die from lack of sleep, is that the last few people I
connected with, acted the exact same way. Here’s a
chronological and quick rundown of each account; Everything’s going good, I say
or do something that they take immense offense to (unjustifiably), I
apologize and try to move on, they stay stuck in
‘overly-sensitive/angry’ mode, I apologize again and politely refuse to
continue to hand-hold, they pout some more and then I REALLY move on. I really
hate when people overcomplicate things. I’m so over this. I’m so tired of
high strung, whining, pouting “grown” azz men! What’s the deal here? What scent
am I giving off that keeps attracting these types of “men”?! Why are they even
attracted to someone like me? I guess I have that maternal seductress
look that reduces grown men to tender toddlers. I’m joking…but
not really. I think I need to kick it with somebody that’s exactly like me or
someone that’s completely opposite from me but compliments me perfectly. Easy
huh? So, I need to either reconsider homosexuality, get access to human cloning
technology or stay by myself. That last choice is looking better and better with
each passing man. Look what I’ve
been reduced to?! This entry wasn’t even supposed to be about this! It’s funny,
last night’s incident was just a tiny little event that happened but I’m getting
more irritated by the whole thing the more I write about it, so I’d better stop.
I’m not gonna let small people
steal my joy. Not a chance. Not today. At least not on a day that I feel this
powerful, sick and doctor-less. They can all go kick rocks dammit!
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