Originally posted on Mon 12/15/2008, 11:07 PM
Current mood: luminous
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
Today is a very good day. I was on vacation from work all last week. And despite the minor vacation weight gain, a hormonal facial break-out, partying non-stop last week/weekend and news of my unplanned pregnancy, I'm still having a great day. Last night I discovered that my abdominal swelling was so prominent, that I had to lay down in bed to zip up my BAM jeans. 😖👖 Oh well, it is what it is. You'd think it would be hard to settle back into my early-morning work regime after waking up well after 10AM for several days. However, today's transition from play-to-work went remarkably smoothly. I made good use of my time off. The tangible changes included more mundane tasks like cleaning out my utility room and making more room for my growing shoe collection. I found tons of gorgeous shoes still in the box, crammed into my tiny bedroom closet collecting dust. 👠👡👟 I discovered beautiful shoes that hadn't gotten the full attention they deserve. Until I shed my extra vacation weight, I'll use my fly azz shoes to draw attention to my feet. 🦶🏾 Fresh off a professional pedicure, and since my left big toe nail has grown back, there couldn't be a better time to flash my flashy kicks. In addition to the fabulous new shoes I found, I found all kinds of buried "treasures" hidden under the utility room junk. I found stuff I'd been looking for for months. I was on a mission to rid my house of my pack rat accumulations. No matter how "good" the utility room junk was, if I didn't need it, it went in the garbage can. No more useless emotional attachments to useless things. Why do that? Why hold on to things that don't add value to your life but actually subtract value? It was a good exercise because it allowed me to clear out the old and make room for new things…better things. Ironically, the weekend also put me in close proximity to two past loves…well, one past love and one fleeting infatuation that I invested too much time in. As if on cue, I saw one Saturday and the other on Sunday. And even though my romantic life has been fraught with disappointments and (possible) premature endings, I still wouldn't go back to either one of them. It would be like rummaging through the dumpster, finding a bunch of old clutter and scattering it all over my beautiful new utility room/shoe closet. A definite step backward. No thanks. 🤚🏾 I don't know if I've already mentioned this but many of the relationship endings I seem to be chronically cursed with, usually involve lots of screaming and yelling…and NOT from me either. I'm not sure what it is about me that makes men want to scream and yell (at me). Last week, I was even able to tie up yet another volatile ending. No resentment or misplaced anger, just a nice little bow tied on an attempt that simply didn't work out. 🎀 Our limited re-interaction last week (after many months of no contact) was gracious and sweet. A nice and welcome surprise I must admit. I just hate messy endings but sometimes, they're unavoidable…for me at least. I'm not claiming that I don't have any open-ended situations out there, I'm just saying I haven't felt this free from that what could've been feeling in a very long time. Not FAKE free but FREE free. I hadn't really realized that those endings were taking up precious emotional space. On to other things…and other people. 😏 Around Tuesday of last week, I wandered around the mall hopelessly searching for tasty Indian cuisine. Why look for Indian cuisine in a mall? I don't know, I guess it's just where I happened to be when the craving struck. The Food Court seemed to have everything except for Indian food. It got to the point that I didn't even care how good it was, as long as it was Indian, I would just pretend it was good. Then, as if by magic, an Indian food place appeared. I could've sworn I'd already looked there but there it was, in plain sight. 😲 With the craving growing larger with every passing minute, I made my way there and stood in front of the person taking orders. I stood there like an idiot, with a blank look on my face. The order taker looked just as confused as me. I just couldn't decide on anything. The physical exertion of thinking so hard, made me not even want Indian food anymore. Poof, just like that. I just walked away, dejected. 😞 As the annoying holiday shoppers sped around me, my feet started to swell and hurt. It was so crowded that I couldn't find a mall seat without practically sitting on someone. You already know about my phobia of touching strangers. Right when I was about to start balling because of the pain in my newly formed, bloated "cankles" and feet, I saw a fortune-teller.🔮 A fortune teller in a mall? Whatever. I've always wanted to have my palm read, tarot reading or have crystal ball images of my life translated for me by a qualified professional. I've always wanted to know what my future or next life move should be, without coming up with it on my own. So, I go inside. The place is just as cheesy as it is in the movies; yards of burgundy velvet, dark, gloomy and mysterious. The fortune teller was younger than I expected though. I'm not sitting 10 seconds before she tells me that I'm with child. What?! Are you serious?! 😳 Bummer. My heart sinks and the weight gain, cankles and facial break-outs suddenly make perfect sense. 🥺 Dang, no more impromptu karaoke celebrations or freedom filled nights of dancing. No more drinking and partying until I'm too tired to continue. In mere seconds, my life turns from gleefully free-spirited to hopelessly home bound. And that's not even the most surprising thing she reveals to me. She goes on to tell me that my child will be the leader of The New World Order. My child will change the world to a degree that no 'regular' human has ever done before. Hopefully, I'd be a mother like Sarah Connor from The Terminator movies and not like Hitler's mother. She giggles and assures me that The New World Order she speaks of will be a very positive change. To me, that wasn't really good news, just more pressure. I'm not remotely concerned with contacting the father either. Realistically, it's largely my burden to bear. I don't hesitate to make an appointment with my gynecologist immediately after the reading. She quickly fits me in before my next scheduled visit. I was kinda hoping the physical changes in my body were a result of overindulgence and run-of-the-mill sloth during my vacation. I undress from the waist down and wait to hear her pick up my chart right outside the examination room. I was so nervous that I was almost unintelligible as my voice shook when I asked her questions in a sorry attempt to delay the inevitable news. Finally, I relent and lay back on the paper covered examination table. As I put my feet in the stirrups, something amazing happened. I can't know what this looked like for sure since seeing down there is impossible without a mirror, but it appeared that light was actually beaming out of my vagina. I kid you not, blinding light like from a super-powered industrial flashlight, not one of the dollar store flashlights. This light was brighter than a light saber (shout out to the Star Wars fans!) Maybe the fortune-teller was right, I am mother to the future leader of The New World Order. Maybe my child will change the course of our world for the better. Could this be happening? Could this be real? Hell naw it wasn't real! I woke up sweating and out of breath but still comfortably childless. 😰 If the sudden Indian food court appearance or the fortune-telling mall occupant didn't tip you off, the luminous vagina certainly should have. 🙄 It turns out, the facial break-out, abdominal swelling and weight gain were just normal symptoms of menstruation. Though I'm willing to concede that the weight gain might actually be a combined symptom of menstruation, overindulgence and sloth. I'm not sure what the Vagina of Light means yet. Perhaps I will be the "mother" of a New World Order after all...metaphorically speaking. Perhaps my forward-thinking ideas will change the world in some way. Perhaps motherhood will yield a child that will be important to the world in some way. Perhaps the glowing vagina is just a metaphor for my own elevated opinion of myself in bed. I'm kinda hoping it's the last one.
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