Originally posted 4/14/2009
Current mood: restless
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
My expert advice for today is this: Never text or
e-mail friends (or exes) under the influence. (But you probably already
knew that). The influence I refer to is not alcohol, drugs
or any of the other vices I may have abused in the past. The influence I refer to is
restlessness. For me, restlessness is
almost as destructive as depression. In my most recent violations of “DUI”
(Devious Under the Influence),
my only saving grace may be that a lot of the men I know are financially
down on their luck at the moment. (Who isn’t?) So the chances that these dudes
are able to pay rent, let alone cellular or internet service bills, is pretty
slim. So, my self-inflicted blunders may not have had as much impact as I’d
initially feared. For that reason alone, my
pride is firmly intact and willfully restored. In fact, this morning I heard
from the least tragic of the unfortunate recipients of the
restless ChaunyBaby DUI sludge from last night. He was sweet,
understanding and forgiving, so it’s all good. On another positive note, my recent video-making
fixation is providing me with hours of mindless entertainment and enjoyment.
It’s worth noting in my
precious blog because it’s my new “creative” obsession. Actually, last night’s
technologically-charged emotional missteps came when I ran out of stupid little
video clips to string together for another pointless “ChaunyShort”
Production. I still have some unused clips but not anything that inspires
me. On a narcissistic note, I’m
considerably less enthusiastic about using my precious movie-making time and
“talent” to make videos in which I’m not (personally) in. I’ll work on that though. I’m sure there are tons of
interesting, camera-worthy things going on around me, that don’t actually
involve me personally but I’ve yet to find any...at least not when I have my
camera ready. That may seem self-absorbed to you and if you feel that way, you’d
be right. However, I’m looking for creatively healing therapy for myself, not
the masses. I’m taking a page out of the
Spike
Lee movie-making manual by actually making the ‘movies’ I want
to be in. I don’t have to be the star but I’d have to at least have a cameo
appearance. And NO, my
ChaunyShort 'movies' don't have to be cinematic works of art, just
entertaining...to me. One of my
very favorite movies is The Seed of Chucky.
Critically, that movie sucked azz but I personally find it thoroughly
entertaining. To me, that's what really
counts. Movie-making is a
therapeutic exercise that I’m rapidly gaining confidence in and drawing great
strength from. An emotionally healthy ChaunyBaby is better for everyone,
just trust me on that. But the short, Cliff Notes version of the story is that I
fear I may be a mean, venomous and sadistic vixen underneath my calm
exterior. She’s only come out a few times but when she has, she
leaves utter devastation in her wake. Her appearances have been limited because
I’m a resourceful chick and I can find a pleasant diversion before she gets too
out of hand. You don’t want to meet her unless you own an all female UFC-like
Fight Club. Come to think of it, it
doesn’t even have to be all female. Let’s just leave it at that. As I’ve previously theorized,
it seems that having creative outlets saves me from myself and dumb decisions,
be it writing or video-making. Razor-sharp wit and a cartoonish yet endearingly
large gummy smile don’t get you diddly squat nowadays! My ‘bag of tricks’ has to
include more than that to draw the kind I’ve attention I secretly
crave. A good friend confessed to me last Karaoke Wednesday,
that he’s recently read some of my blogs (after we’d hung out together many
times in the past) and he thought himself, 'Do I even know this
person?' He may not, not fully anyway. His
confusion is understandable. I have at least two fully functioning
but completely opposite personalities. I’m confident I can find a healthy
balance that won’t send me to the nut house (too soon). Since I haven’t felt like writing much lately, I’d
better get my camera out and start filming something or else….well…dang, who
knows? Without a healthy outlet,
hell, I’m capable of doing just about anything. That’s a frightening thought
people! Truly, it is. But my chronic
optimism helps me see the bright side of almost every potentially bad situation.
See? That benevolent
balance keeps me in check. So in this case, if I do end up doing
something incredibly stupid, I’ll hopefully have my camera handy. Stupid
human tricks are more entertaining than stupid pet tricks every
day of the week and twice on Sunday. Don't deny it, you know it's
true.
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