Originally posted on May 20, 2009 - Wednesday
Current mood: scared
Category: Romance and Relationships
My
perpetual playfulness is on vacation today. I'm afraid I'm out of witty
Chaunyisms at the moment, so read on with that in mind. I'm due for a serious
blog anyway, so I'll just get right down to the meat of the matter. The mere idea of something new is exciting, even if it
doesn't seem all that promising initially. I refer, of course, to affairs of the
heart. I find it odd that some people can settle on a person to
marry or commit to simply when it's
time. The
antiquated belief that a person should marry or settle down simply based on time
(or age) alone, is still baffling to me. While I accept that there are times in life in which one may
feel more open to romantic relationship possibilities than others, basing a
relationship solely on a time limit is completely ludicrous in my opinion.
Wait...let me back-track, retract and rephrase; Basing LOVE♥ solely
on a relationship time limit is completely ludicrous in my opinion. I'm not
saying that a person can't eventually fall deeply in love over time.
(It's happened to me.) I'm just saying I think that particular
happenstance is the exception, not the rule. (I suppose everyone thinks
they are the exception.) Nowadays, if the basic ingredients for
falling in love with a person aren't there to begin with, you'll most likely end
up resenting them over time, not loving them. Then again, people settle down in relationships and marriages
for all sorts of reasons, not just love. It could be for financial reasons,
convenience, companionship, children or whatever. Not only is that okay with me
when it's okay with the two (or more) consenting parties, I understand it. I
just don't understand how someone expects to be magically in love just by
'going through the motions'. If you feel that love isn't a prerequisite to a
happy "romantic" relationship, then I'm not
referring to you! I'm referring to those that force the love issue by
planning out every single little thing with loveless and infuriatingly
philosophical detail. I just don't get that. You should both be in love because you're both around
the same age-so you're the perfect couple. You should both be in love
because you both love dogs-so marriage is the next logical step. You should both
be in love because you're just the right height for each other-so you
should delete all the numbers in our cell phone except for family. Huh? Okay, I'm being a little ridiculous here but you get my
drift. When a person (who was never in love to begin with) decides to leave the
relationship or marriage, the dumpee seems horribly blind-sighted since
the dumper should be in love because all the other pieces of their
life fit together with perfect precision. Love isn't a crossword puzzle. The way
I see it is this; there are ever-changing variables to consider where love is
concerned. For me, "love" can mean nothing or everything; meaning I can 'go
through the motions' until I get sick of it or I can deeply feel the
emotions...and probably still get of it. I was reminded very recently of how much the actual
person influences my heart, hope, actions and intentions. It wasn't too
long ago that I was suddenly struck by extreme and instant
infatuation for someone I'd never set eyes on before I'd uttered my first
word to them. That hardly ever happens to me, in fact, I'm not sure it'd ever
happened before or since. I'm not saying that I haven't liked or loved other
people more, I've just never been that drawn to someone
that fast (it took about 7 seconds). At the time, it caught me completely off guard and it didn't
end well but it sure was fun while it lasted! Surprisingly, that's what I've
been happily left with from that seemingly futile instant infatuation.
Not surprisingly, I've only come to fully appreciate that thunderbolt of passion
as I've matured over time. I don't ever really look for romantic relationships outright,
I'm more prone to simply keeping myself open to them. I never go into anything
light, semi-serious or hardcore serious with hard and fast expectations/rules.
To me, pertinent events generally unfold as they are meant to. You can tell if a
person is worthy of your time and attention simply by observing them and how
they treat other people beside you. It's a simple exercise that can help save heartache down the
road but like most things in life, it isn't fool-proof. You can only arm
yourself with as much emotional armor as you can while still exposing your soft
underbelly to the one(s) that appear to deserve it most. Emotions are an
ever-fluctuating sea of instability, which can be quite wonderful at times.
♥♥ In all
honesty, you know me more intimately than almost everyone I see on a daily bases
since I'm never more upfront and open anywhere than I am here. I write thoughts
here I would never admit to most people I speak to. And even then, I find it
hard to write everything I want to write here. But the gist of it is...DANG, I
can't even admit the gist here! Why you ask? Simply put, my pride just won't
let me, at least not yet anyway. However, I can tell you that I'm feeling
extremely vulnerable and afraid because I feel so exposed emotionally. I can see
hypothetical heartache just around the bend but I'm excited and petrified with
equal vigor. The good thing is, I know my vulnerability depends almost 100% on
the person, not the time. (I've had recent and
concrete confirmation of just that.) The bad thing is, the "right" person can make me nervously
tongue-tied and unable to express my thoughts clearly; two ailments I usually
never suffer from no matter how much I like a person. I suppose
that too can be a good thing because it keeps you grounded and level-headed. Who
wants to have their face cracked or their heart broken? My guess is 'no one' unless you're masochist. If you know
that you're not immune to heartache, it's easier to take a realistic approach to
romantic affairs and possibilities. Let's face it, suffering from long-term
obnoxious overconfidence can definitely skew a person's perception. It's never
good to be notoriously naive in love. But these are just my thoughts and my
feelings, candidly chronicled in my blog. Those that don't agree can write their own. If they do,
maybe they can give me some GOOD
relationship advice. I don't need more bullshit, I've already got an abundant
supply of that. Sam's and
Costco have
nothing on my industrial size supply of never-ending bullshit. Look, I never wear rose-colored glasses, that color doesn't
suit my complexion. Maybe nothing will become of this newfound excitement
for what could be and I'll be reminded of just how complex life can be
sometimes. Maybe everything will become of what could be and I
suddenly receive all the things I pretend to not need or care about. Even though it's scary as hell, the sensation of butterflies
flying around in my stomach is a kinda cool feeling indeed. Whatever the
outcome; good or bad, the rollercoaster ride so far seems worth the price
of admission. $♥ I
might be singing a different tune if the car I'm riding in flies of the track
and plunges to the ground below. Yeah, being metaphorically battered, bloody and
bruised can definitely send this ride to the depths of hell. (It'll be
temporary though.) Let's just give it some time and see what happens.
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