Jiggly Juicy Junior

The following is result of Operation Blog Recovery (Of what I could retrieve): The following content is collected from a platform that is no longer operational. Gaps and spaces in the formatted text could be the result of broken and/or expired emoticons, links or web-hosted pictures. You can be assured that the opinions and thoughts expressed are from the original writing. Hell, I’m not even going to correct spelling or grammar. Enjoy! Or not.

Originally posted on 1/5/2010

Current mood:  focused
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

I'm not only tired of dealing with lost love, failed friendships and freak accidents, I'm tired of writing about them too. As you know, I have a tendency to ramble, blog-wise, when I let too much time pass without expressing myself. The power of self-expression is an amazingly addictive thing. It's like a drug you can't get enough of. I used to balk at folks on facebook or twitter, that thought it necessary to update their "friends" (or followers) with every monotonous moment of their daily lives.  But recently, I've come to appreciate what a wonderful outlet it is to feel like someone out there is sharing a little piece of your life with you...without the stress and strain of a marriage certificate. As long as I'm not personally obligated to read about every trip to the grocery store, soccer practice drop-off and latte order, I am now in full support of letting the cyberworld in on your daily routine. In fact, I'm gonna take a page right out of °The Book of the Babbling Bore° and confess here that I've decided to challenge myself.  With my mood improving and my pointless partners purged, I've decided a period of self-improvement is in order, perhaps even long overdue. My doctor's appointment last week yielded unexpected, good news. Aside from the inconvenience of having to stop my daily routine in order to show up, I don't hate going to the doctor. With doctor's appointments, there really is only one thing I hate with a passion and it happens at the very beginning of every visit; The dreaded weigh-in. Generally, when the nurse asks me to step on the scale to record my weight, I very seriously tell her that I don't want to know. And just in case she thinks I'm kidding, I'll supplement that admission with a quirky but true remark like, "While you get the information you need, I'm going to stand here and quietly hum to myself."  or "While you're watching the scale, I'm gonna temporarily escape in my mind and imagine unicorns and rainbows." Comments like those usually draw an unintentional laugh from the nurse but I'm always dead serious. Last week, I decided to bite the bullet and let the nurse actually repeat that feared number out loud without any opposition from me.  Surprisingly, after my holiday weight gain scare, I was only 4 pounds more than the last time I was there. Keep in mind, this is only a week after starting my new diet..er...uh...I mean, "dietary lifestyle change". Even better than that, that number was only 9 pounds over my all-time adult personal best, weight-wise. Yippee! When I started adding up the poundage, I figured that I was only 14 pounds over the lightest, in memory, I had *ever* been (from high school until now). Now 14 pounds may sound like a lot to you, but I can expel almost 10 pounds with a Venti (extra large) Mocha Frappachino from Starbucks™, 8 ounce glass of homogenized milk and NO lactose intolerance pills.  Easy-breezy.  However, I've set a personal challenge for myself to get down to my junior high school weight. Yes, you read that right, JUNIOR high (grades 6 through 8). I have great willpower when I bother to draw upon it. It seems a little extreme but I'm sure I can do it. Anyhow, I'm a reasonable woman and I'll have to factor in my "big bones", oversized head, eyes and gums plus size 11 feet. 🦶🏾 I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a real fear of looking like a chocolate Blow-Pop™ in clown shoes  but I have enough sense to come back up in weight if I don't look right. Shit, that part will be fun! And HELL no, I won't be exercising while on this quest. If that's your thing then fine, more power to ya but personally, I feel exercise is a tool of the devil! I have a sneaking suspicion that what some anorexic American airhead thinks should be my ideal weight, will probably have me looking like malnourished freak. Ironically, what America says should be my "ideal" weight, is my junior high school weight plus by 4 inches in height and 3 shoe sizes! Whatever, it's something to do until I get bored with it in 2 days. Everything will be fine...eventually. It's all about self-awareness, which promotes self-evaluation that hopefully leads to self-improvement. I wore a skirt to work today. On every walk to the bathroom, the gentle melodic sound of my thighs flapping together, reminded me that I could probably pick something a lot less productive to be aware of, evaluate and improve on.  

Disclaimer:
I reserve the right to rescind, alter or conveniently forget this "ideal weight" challenge/ pledge at any time. I also reserve the right to act like I have no idea what you are referring to when you ask me how I am progressing on this "ideal weight" challenge/ pledge. If you mention this specific blog entry after I have decided to quit, I will claim that my blog account was hacked by haters who want to make me look bad. I will then advise you that you cannot lawfully prove that I am lying. Thank you for your time and attention.