Originally posted on February 13, 2009 - Saturday
Current mood: relieved
Category: Romance and Relationships
This
entry really isn't that interesting but I wanted to write it anyway. This is me,
throwing out the old and bringing in the new, so to speak. With all the
excitement of Saturday night, I forgot to ‘reveal’ my somewhat
noteworthy Sunday night. It wasn’t nearly as exciting Saturday but just as
profound. We went out for Karaoke Sunday to the place with the fantastic grilled
fish tacos. I drank a little and danced a lot, which is a much healthier ratio
than usual. The
annoying guy I’d seen there before, acted like he took downers before he came
out that night. He wasn’t the happy-go-lucky drunk jerk he was when I insulted
him the last time I was there (as chronicled in the Mean Mistress Sassy Pants entry). As it turns out, there’s much more to that story but I’ll
save it for another day. My ex
even showed up that night with a girl in tow. Even though it’s a public place, I
assume he brought her to a place he knows I frequent to light a fire
under my azz. 🔥 I
could tell she had no idea what was up but he
did. He’s a smoker and he knew I detested cigarette smoke, so he never did it
around me when we were together. Somehow, he managed to smell cigarette
smoke-free whenever we were together (I don’t know how he managed it.) With her
though, he continuously puffed and blew smoke in her face without hesitation. 🚬💨 It
may have just been my perception, but he even seemed to have a smirk on his face
as he did it. It just seemed really rude to me. It was
almost like he was trying to send a message to me. Either; ‘Look Chauny, I
don’t respect her, look how I’m callously blowing smoke in her face’ or
‘Look Chauny, I got a woman now that doesn’t care if I smoke. Screw
you!’ Either scenario makes no never mind to me. Maybe
she didn’t even care but I find that hard to believe since she didn’t appear to
be a smoker. Ironically,
just a couple of days before seeing him there (with her), he’d called and texted
me about going out with him. He even went so far as to tell me that it didn’t
matter what time of day or night I wanted to talk to him, just call and he’d be
there for me. He said he’d pick me up from anywhere to come see him and I was
welcome to drop by his house anytime, day or night. Since I
wasn’t very receptive to his generous offer, I guess he was going to demonstrate
to me that he’s a sought after man. 😎 For me, a guy with a girl makes him
less appealing, not more and he really should have known that. All
his other efforts at reconciliation were thwarted, so I suppose he wanted to
take a more drastic approach. Honestly,
I was more relieved than anything else. He hadn’t really done anything wrong
since we’d started communicating again but I wasn’t really feeling it. Until
that night in fact, he’d behaved almost perfectly, which made it harder to
politely excuse myself from the situation. As time
went on though, a reconciliation with him got less and less appealing to me. It
just felt done, ya know? Anyway,
when he left the place (he was probably still in the parking lot at the
time), I was urged by my bossy posse to call and act “concerned”
about seeing him there, which I happily did. It was pretty late but he and I
finally talked about 2:30AM (when I got home). I knew he was alone cause he kept
saying my name out loud over and over (about 20 times in a 2 minute period)
in a cheesy effort to imply he was alone without saying he was
alone. 🙄 I guess he didn’t want to push the possibility of me getting too
angry/jealous, so I’m assuming they parted ways right after they left the bar.
He was also adamant that the girl was “just a friend” and nobody special. I
thought that was really cold-blooded cause I could tell the chick liked him a
lot. I’m
sure she had no idea what he was up to but it wasn’t my place to tell. Who cares
anyway, the chances were slim to none that we would’ve gotten back together. She
seemed nice enough and not blame-worthy, so keeping up the facade that I still
cared got old fast. There was no more entertainment value to be had. Early
the next morning, I got an “anonymous” call and I knew it was him. Not
surprisingly, I didn’t answer. I had my exit ticket out of that situation, so I
figured I’d better just leave it alone. But you know me, it didn’t seem final
enough for me. Plus, I wanted to turn the knife ever-so-slightly. The
next afternoon, I sent him a text telling him I hope his day was going good and
I asked that he please delete my number. I tell him I’m not mad or anything,
just that it’s better to make a clean break and part friendly. He
starts going on and on about him having “friends” and he wanted to be with me
but it was taking too long, blah, blah, blah. In a twisted, selfish way,
it was nice to have confirmation that it was all a dramatic ploy for my benefit
but I honestly did feel bad for her. Truthfully,
if I wasn’t such a strong believer in karma, I might have used him for a space
filler, while I worked on the real object of my affections. Okay I
admit, I almost hate to let him go. He was such a good source of entertainment
on those slow days. Oh well, all “good” things must come to an end. It’s time
for me to step away from this debacle, though it’s brought me unspeakable joy at
times. So
ultimately, his insensitive attempt to stir up jealously and an intensely
emotional reaction from me, had a profound effect after all. Not the one he was
hoping for unfortunately (for him) but just as sound. To me,
it’s not “cute” to laugh and carry on behind somebody’s back. Though erratic
emotions have possessed me at times, I’m a very logical woman overall. I have to
truthfully ask myself; If he chooses me after his deception to
her, am I really getting the prize? (That was rhetorical.)
I’m
pretty sure she doesn’t, and may never know about me but I know about her. The
glimmer in her eye suggested she may even love him. Hell,
I thought I did once. I feel for her but this is her road to hoe. And who knows,
maybe she is The One for him and he’s just too stupid to realize
it. He can be blind to the obvious at times. Whatever
the outcome is, happy or sad, I don’t want my bloody fingerprints on it. I hope
my unselfish act holds me in good stead to the gods
of romantic love.
But
that’s not the real reason why I pulled out of this badly acted soap opera. As
uneventful as it may be, the simple reason I wanted out, is just that it wasn’t
the right thing to do. I know, it’s boring, goody-goody…maybe even a little
self-righteous but it’s absolutely true. Yeah, don't worry, I'm a little
disappointed with that conclusion too. I'll just take this
romantic realization as a
broke-azz Valentines Day gift to myself. Flowers and candy are for suckas
anyway!
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