Originally posted on Thu 11/20/2008, 5:18 AM
Current mood: cooky/wacky
Category: Blogging
Even with my self-proclaimed flashes of brilliance, it appears my political aspirations are squashed before they even got off the ground. I just read over the application for employment in the Obama administration. Wow! The employment application asks you to reveal practically every facet of your past, present and future life! In addition to admitting all your past life choices, decisions and possible missteps, it asks you to divulge any and all self-authored online and blog postings. Dang! See how quickly a dream can be smashed to smithereens? I've always known the danger of posting all my innermost secrets, desires and experiences. Once you hit "Send" or "Post", it's out there in cyberspace FOREVER. Frightening isn't it?! I suppose I can't complain too much because this is much cheaper than therapy. Since my sanity has already been occasionally called into question, I see no harm in admitting other disturbing facts about yours truly. I doubt I can make it worse anyhow.😐 I still can't blow up a rubber balloon, no matter how hard I blow. For all my effort, my only reward is a balloon the size of a baseball and those annoying little air-pockets right underneath my earlobes. That's fine with me though, I have a slight phobia of rubber balloons anyway. 🎈I hate Christmas...yeah, I wrote it! Hate..like a Scrooge/Grinch kind of hate (before they changed their minds). I guess I really hate what it's become more than anything. The crowds, the obligations, the ridiculous money spent and all the other Christmas "merriment". It stinks and I give because I feel I'm expected to, what the hell is fun about that?! 😒 Maybe it'll be fun again when I have kids. Or maybe before I have kids, I'll adopt a religion that doesn't celebrate Christmas. And yes, by writing that, I AM a little scared I'll be struck down by lightening. ⛈ I profusely hate chicken fat. I think it's absolutely repulsive, a little evil even. 👿 I still eat chicken thighs like a 2 year old child, carefully removing every teeny tiny piece of viewable fat. If I accidentally get any in my mouth, I'll spit it out in utter disgust immediately. You can bet that any table surface I happen to using at the time, will be covered with my messy thigh meat handy work. The chicken-fat gunk under my fingernails afterwards, is even worse. 😞Sometimes, picking my nose relaxes me. And whether I happen to be successful (at finding little booger treasures) or not, I would never touch anything or anybody without washing my hands first. 😨Which leads me to my next pet peeve/issue. You already know I'm not partial to shaking hands. What you may not know is that I especially hate shaking men's hands because they have to touch their ding-a-lings when they piss. Frankly, I've been in many men's restrooms (don't ask) and the soap is always suspiciously well stocked. Either the janitorial engineer is especially partial to restocking only the men's restroom with soap or it just isn't getting used that much. 😑 I never pick up the gas pump with my bare hands. I always use a paper towel or napkin. If all I have in the car at the time is a used tissue, I'll even use that. My reasoning behind the used "tissue issue" is that I most likely share some of the DNA on the used tissue in my car. Who knows the origins of the DNA on that gas pump though!? 😨 I kind of like the pain caused by the ingrown toenail on my big toe. Digging and cutting it away can sometimes be pleasantly painful. A tiny bit of blood is a little extra treat. Not profuse bleeding, just a tiny bit. (You're a little scared of me now aren't you?) 😲 I have a huge birthmark on my left butt cheek and part of my back thigh (maybe that's the real reason I don't like thigh meat). The birthmark is about 1 ½ feet long and is about 1 shade darker then the rest of my body. As I get older, it seems to get harder to see, so either I'm getting darker or it's getting lighter with age. My brother used to lovingly refer to it as "the map of Africa". Actually, he wasn't too far off on the shape. 😂 I honestly believe that there's at least one other me living in a parallel universe at this exact moment. In actuality, this alternate universe can be many years in the past or many years in the future. It's hard to explain but in a nutshell, time as you know it, doesn't really exist in my mind (explains a lot doesn't it?) 🔮I have and will continue to cut off my own pesky moles with small cuticle scissors. I also remove my own stitches whenever possible. Why waste an office visit co-pay on something I can do myself? 😌 When I see a wooden telephone pole that has tons of nail heads clustered on it (in one concentrated area), it makes me want to puke. 🤮 I have started on (but haven't completed) my own language. It would be similar to a Star Trek "Klingon" language/dialect, with a little Chinese mixed in. (If you're not a Trekky, that won't make sense to you). I'd only gotten through half of my made-up alphabet. I haven't decided what I would call this language yet (maybe Chaunish?) 😄 I think that if I could manage to have bowel movement every day or at least regularly, I'd be a much happier person. 💩 I have a secret fear that I might actually be a werewolf. I occasionally check my shoes for mud or dirt when there's any measure of time I can't account for (that includes sleep). In retrospect, I could actually either be werewolf or a raging alcoholic that blacks-out. Hell, pick one. 😶 With romantic partners, I used to be super-duper jealous, insecure, clingy, controlling and psycho. Now, I'm lucky if I like/want to be around a romantic partner for more than a month straight. (They're a couple exceptions to that rule though). Let's face it, being that way takes a lot of energy and I just don't have it to spare. Plus, I'm kinda lazy. 😉 At times, I was a very angry & rebellious child in Junior High. I once had five Fs & one D on one report card- I think I only had seven classes too. By the grace of God, I passed every class without ever being left back (it's about knowing when to kick it into high gear-I won't tell my future kids that though). When I got to High School, I channeled my "rebellion" through fashion, or a reasonable facsimile thereof. 🎭 I sometimes talk to myself in a British accent. 💬 I become very angry when people ramble endlessly about stupid stuff. At first, I try to (obviously) drift off and turn my attention elsewhere. If they still don't get it, then I start to intensely stare right at the eyes of the chronic rambler. They probably mistake that action for my listening to/concentrating on them attentively. In reality though, I'm staring right between their eyes and imagining the exact spot I want to punch them as hard as I can, just shy of breaking my 4 fingers & thumb. 😩 I think it's possible that Adam was created from Eve's rib, not the other way around. I know what the Bible says, but who translated it from ancient text? My money is on the translator being a man. Though men are usually physically stronger, I'm not sure they'd be strong enough to deal with childbirth, menstruation and all our complicated, intricate and sometimes troublesome reproductive organs. Maybe there are so many single mothers being "heads" of the household because it's a natural "progression/ regression" as to how it was always supposed to be. Don't think me blasphemous, well, you can if you want…just don't send me anything 'religious' to refute my claim. I'm just saying it's possible. I'm still checking the sky for lightening bolts, by the way. 😬 I guess I should probably stop here. If these admissions are enough to keep me from serving in the Obama administration, I'm sure any more would surely to get me permanently exiled from the United States. Yeah, I definitely think I should just shut up now.
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