Originally posted on 5/9/2009
After
all these years of wondering, it seems my erratic personality may have a simpler
explanation than I'd once thought. Before getting ready for work, during my
quiet toilet time early this morning, I noticed a sound in my head that was
definitely more mechanical than biological in nature. I'd
heard it (in my
head)
before
but today it was louder than usual. I could only liken the sound to that of an
engine laboring to turn over, almost like a car or boat engine with a battery
that's just about to die. I was so struck by the loudness of it this this
morning, that I almost woke sis up to have her stick her ear to mine and see is
she could hear it too. Then I
thought, maybe she already knows that I'm some kind of advanced robot
with biological tissue over electro-exoskeleton. (Like the Austin Powers'
Fem-Bots, only not as fine but much more intelligent.) I worried that I
might put her in an awkward position to have to pretend that she doesn't know
I'm not a real human being. I love
her too much to do that to her. Of
course if I am an artificial life form, am I really feeling "love" or a
computer generated program designed to replicate love? Hmmmm.
Maybe all my memories and experiences have been downloaded from that of the
real ChaunyBaby and no one wants to tell me. Perhaps
my hospitalization in late 2007 (my Blood
Blessing) was
really a clever ruse to cover up the fact that my internal computer network was
shutting down and needed more time-intensive attention than a simple reboot
could provide. I passed-out several times that day, only to find myself in a
location I didn't remember walking (or crawling) to. Perhaps I wasn't fainting
at all, it could be that my intricate internal technologically-advanced network
just kept freezing up. When
the doctor in the ER told my family and I that I shouldn't have survived with
only one third of the blood needed to sustain human life, was he was
communicating the real deal 'on the cool' ? ("...sustain
human life" why would he say that?) Could
so many of the ChaunyBaby mysteries of the mind be answered by this
(almost) ludicrous proposal? I find
it suspiciously coincidental that I make this revelation when Star Trek and
Terminator movies are making a resurgence into American Pop Culture (again). I
mean, I do have an almost 'unnatural' obsession with Science Fiction,
peculiar space odysseys and alien creatures. I might
seem quite emotional sometimes but I always seem to be able to
effectively detach myself from my emotional side when it's absolutely necessary.
Maybe my emotion chip isn't working properly when I can't shake myself
out of a bad or sad mood (or what I perceive a bad or sad mood to be).
Sure, I seem human but how could I really know for sure? It's all very
confusing. I cry
tears, or some thin clear liquidy substance made to look like tears and I bleed
blood, or some thick red liquidy substance made to look like blood but how could
I ever be positive? Either
my family is financing this elaborate charade for their own private robotic
research or they're in cahoots with the government and they'll be handsomely
rewarded monetarily for their participation. In defense of my family, I know
they're not in it for the money. My family is going to such extraordinary
lengths to keep this from me because they love me (or the human once named
ChaunyBaby). My assumption is, the real me died some time back and they want
have me any way they can get me. Isn't
that sweet?! But you
may be thinking to yourself, 'Okay
Chauny, if this is so, why is everybody in your life in on it but
you?' Well,
if you are thinking that, then maybe I'm not an artificial life form at
all or you're one too. Or,
maybe I'm just an overly suspicious, creatively disturbed chick that needs to
find a safe hobby, like gardening or stamp collecting. But then again, maybe I
am an artificial life form in the middle of an elaborate scheme to
further 'human-like' appearance long after humans become extinct. I know this
super technologically-advanced overly elaborate cyber-scheme is a long way from
simply hearing mysterious “mechanical” sounds in my head. But it could be worse,
I could be hearing voices in my head instead. You'll
be happy to know that I haven’t heard ANY voices in my head…….....yet.
(Though
this entry would suggest that could be happening very soon).
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